I'll go back to my statement that I have never eaten a curry that I wanted to eat a second time. It is entirely possible that you just can't get a good curry where I live. I've had people tell me, "You've got to have the curry at -----," only to be disappointed.
I did eat a Moroccan curry in Morocco once, that was very good. The heat didn't smack me in the mouth, but snuck up on me. The same curry in Texas would probably set my mouth on fire. An Indian curry in India may be a totally different dish, altogether.
CD
Seems like you may have identified the problem. Not all curries, Indian or otherwise are hot or even meant to be hot. My experience with curries is primarily with Indian styles, and there are many kinds - hotter styles, like Vindaloos, as well as more sweet creamy based Kormas, which are not usually hot at all. If any dish you're eating (and of course this applies to any cuisine) is SO hot that the heat overpowers the other flavors in the dish, then it's too hot for you. I'm surprised that they didn't ask you what heat level you wanted in the dish - this is pretty common practice, at least around here.
I'm hoping you'll give it a try again, and make sure they spice the heat mildly for you so the savory spices stand out...I think you may have a change of heart.
And speaking of hot, I went to a well reviewed authentic Thai place in Hollywood a while back as I had heard so many good things about it. I was particularly drawn to the fact that they didn't dumb down the spice or heat levels for the American palate. I should preface here I can handle heat as in spicy peppers with a tolerance higher than anyone I know
personally.
At the bottom of the menu, I noticed the "Spicy Challenge", with several Thai curries listed. When it was time to order, I decided to try one, and our waitress would not allow me to order the dish since it was my first visit. She said on a scale from 1-10 it was a 10, and when I told of her of my high heat tolerance, said the next spiciest dish on the menu was another particular curry, and on a scale of 1-10, it was a 6 - if I could handle that, she said, I might be up for the spicy challenge on my next visit, although very few could even handle that heat level. I heeded our waitress's advice, and went for the next hotter curry.
I have to say it was the hottest thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. I immediately went into an uncontrollable spasm of hiccups, and started sweating profusely from my scalp. Worse yet, I turned a deep shade of red so dark it was almost purple, my friends told me later. I couldn't taste a single thing but scorching heat. It lasted for well over an hour.
We all have our limits...