THE BBQ BRETHREN FORUMS

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Bigmofo300lbs

Full Fledged Farker
Joined
Apr 13, 2004
Location
Pacheco, CA (NCAL)
And yes...I can handle the truth. All of us talk about about our success stories. But what about the failures. For some of us it wasn't that long ago we were rookies at grilling let alone bbq-ing/smoking. I want to hear about "When Bad Q Happens To Good People!".

Like the first time I used my smoker and cooked the HELL out of some ribs (not once but twice) because my therm was a pile of.....of....well you know!! Nothing like graduating from being "The Best Griller In Town" to rival George Foreman to the William Hung of the bbq world!
 
I dont think you can handle the truth.

And i wouldn't say you became the William Hung of BBQ, people still pay to hear him sing.

I must say you were a fast learner though. Made a brother proud.
 
I interlace all kinds of threads with early, and current failures (does lighting a hay bale in your yard count as a success or a failure)

Brats on the ECB. Friggin top shelf must have been 400* for 3 hours. Can you say Jerky. I wasnt using a temp gauge on the ECB, just the Warm, Ideal, Hot guage on the ECB. Didnt realize till later that the Ideal reading was about 350*

Country ribs. Did them for 3 hours. Needed a wood chipper shredder to get the meat off the bone.

Cavendar's Seasoning. Way over applied on first time. Like licking a greek toilet. Turned off the family forever to Cavendars.

18 hour brisket, all nighter, all drinking. Dumped the water pan o' POOPIE over the fence in the morning. Saw both my oven thermometers flying through the air. How the fark the thermometers got into the water pan during that night, is beyond me. (granted, that cook was fueled by a 1.75 liter of Jack Daniels, an Xbox, and a brother in law that could drink like a fish like me)

Those come to mind at first, but I have plenty of good failure stories. Just be sure to stay with us a while Big Mo, you'll see.


Hell, just last year Phil marinated his dog and his entire kitchen floor.
 
Fisrt ever cook.. 15-20years ago.. Wife bought me a brinkman "all in one". Said "smoker" on the side.. so that means ya need lotsa smoke right.?? thing was propanbe assisted. u can use charcoal or wood or gas.

Took my nice hickory chiunks and soaked them in water(ewwwww) for a few hours and loaded the thing up with chicken breasts. Put about ohhhh... a dozen or 2 wet hickory chunks over the lava rock. Cranked up the propane... "Argh argh argh.. smoke... more smoke.." Crank that think up till i had smoke billowing out of that brinkman like a burning tire factory.... mmmmm that gonna be good chicken... entire yard was covered, neighbors were callin the fire depart.. wife is sayin "is it supposed to be doin that? "... WHY OF COURSE!!!! its a smoker..!! Temps were pushin 350(thats what ya bake at aint it?) 45 minutes later.. get that chicken... once we scraped off the soot.. it looked ok... was like eating kingsford.

good stuff...

i got more.. be back later.. :)
 
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I interlace all kinds of threads with early, and current failures (does lighting a hay bale in your yard count as a success or a failure)

If the Firemen showed up it is a success!

Failure 1. In a hurry to smoke some chicken breasts. Decide on mesquite and some that is green. Fire burned too hot, got some really rank smoke, and a texture that that was just short of concrete. No shortcuts to quality.

Failure 2. I didn't manage the space in the beast well. I snuck some venison/pork sausage on the back of a shelf behind something large enough to hide them. Beer, sun, fire management. Forgot about the sausage until I pulled that rack out. Pure carbon. The dogs wouldn't even touch it.

Failure 3. Using the rib racks that came with the bandera. Instead of weaving them I tried placing them in the notches running front to back. Not stable. I'm leaning over to pick up the next rack of ribs when one in the smoker falls and lands right in the water pan. I'd already smoked a bunch of other stuff so I got hot, greasy water all over my back. Lucked out and didn't get burned. On the plus side the rack that landed in the water tasted the best of the 4 I smoked that day.
 
Thank goodness. When I saw this thread I thought you were gonna ask me about your OL.

Just funnin ya

I geuss the worst would be over smoking when I started out. I ended up with some pretty harsh stuff. All that nasty white smoke. I thought it was the right way to do it. Live and learn. Live and learn.

I did drop an entire grills worth of hamburgers once while trying to add charcoal.

Off to the store for more ground beef mod.
 
I left an old site partly because no one there would post anything but mods and how everyone loved their Barbecue. I much prefer to keep it real and tell it like it is! Most days everything goes just fine and hover on the edge of boredom. There are always the notable exceptions. Like the time I fell asleep on the couch while cooking pork chops. When I wake up the temp spiked clear into the red line (dont ask how much wood was in the 'yesdera) I got the temps down, but the chops had to be snapped into little bite size chunks. Flavorful, but tasted like eating dog treats for dinner. I fell asleep once and ended up having to throw away an entire turkey because the fire went out and the smoker was in the danger zone for too long for me to feel comfortable serving it. (wife not to happy over that one).
I dropped a brisket after ten hours of cooking it and served it to everyone anyway. (I carefully washed it off and cut all the bark off) but still people noticed some grittiness. ) Oopsie.
 
My first smoke (a few months ago) included some chicken. I think I ran a little too low to kill ALL of the Salmonella. Got the runs bad! I could bend over and hit a bullseye ten feet away.
 
Cue'lio said:
My first smoke (a few months ago) included some chicken. I think I ran a little to low to kill ALL of the Salmonella. Got the runs bad! I could bend over and hit a bullseye ten feet away.

Smoker = $200
Gas for trip to pharmacy = $200 (well you know, with today's prices)
Salmonella Prescription: $40
Picturing someone "....hitting a bullseye from ten feet away."? = Priceless! :lol:
 
willkat98 said:
I interlace all kinds of threads with early, and current failures (does lighting a hay bale in your yard count as a success or a failure)


Cavendar's Seasoning. Way over applied on first time. Like licking a greek toilet. Turned off the family forever to Cavendars.




Hell, just last year Phil marinated his dog and his entire kitchen floor.

Having not had the experience, could you inform us what a "greek toilet" tastes like?

As for my f*ups, most all the normal POOPIE already discussed. Justa part of paying you dues when you dont have an asset like this one around.
 
Jorge said:
Failure 3. Using the rib racks that came with the bandera. Instead of weaving them I tried placing them in the notches running front to back. Not stable. I'm leaning over to pick up the next rack of ribs when one in the smoker falls and lands right in the water pan. I'd already smoked a bunch of other stuff so I got hot, greasy water all over my back. Lucked out and didn't get burned. On the plus side the rack that landed in the water tasted the best of the 4 I smoked that day.

Par Boil Mod
 
I bought a well know brand of electric smoker (yea I know...) about 2 years ago and have all kinds of trouble with the food that comes out of it, but my dera.....nothing but the good stuff. Except the time I used rotten wood and my food came out smelling like a moldy basement...never did eat any of it.
 
BigMoFo:

My first bad cooks (which was all of them) resulted in 2 things:
1. Looking for a way to recoop my money I spent on the Bandera on EBay
2. Landing at the home of the Brethren.

Understand that we've added a lot of members since I joined back in Oct. It was people like (and don't get pissed if I leave someone out)
Greg, TK, Brian, Bill, Grand Poobah, DF, Wayne,Al, that took time to walk me through what I was doing wrong, made suggestions and TAUGHT me how to Q. I mean I even had phone conversations with a few. Now when I share my thoughts of wisdom on this board, some may be what I've learned on my own, but most is what I have learned from my brothers.

KC and JT (my local brothers) have both come along and were newbies. They had their questions, I shared my wisdom, as did all the other brothers, and now they cook just as good as the rest of us, hell maybe even better. It's the learning curve and having someone to help you out is what really matters....
I'm glad I chose option 2...........
 
This wasn't MY fork up, but it was the WORST Q I have ever tasted. Before I got the Bandera, I sent a friend of mine some quail some duck and goose and a brisket to smoke for me, since he "knew so much" about smoking. He was one of those that believed the thicker the smoke coming out the top of the stack, the more you are smoking. He brought the remains to our Christmas party, and I was obliged to put the holocaust on the table. Tasted like they were dipped in kerosene. No joke. I fulfilled my hostly duty and ate a piece (couldn't have done two on a bet) and later put it in the fridge to (save some for later). It is the only time I can think of that barbecue on my table hasn't disappeared unless everyone was too stuffed to eat. It also gave me the confidence to try my hand at smoking. I figured once you know what the bottom tasted like it could only get better.
 
My first Bandera Smoke was with a couple of spare Ribs slabs. I had read about winding ribs on the racks, so no a problem. But I had so much pecan wood white smoke in the yard that is look like an old steam raildroad train engine was stuck under the deck and I had left the windows open, so the house was full also.

It was the only meat scheduled for dinner.

Pecan wood makes a beautiful dark mahogny(sp) color on ribs. But you could not taste the meat, just a bitter smoke taste. Well, since that fate full day, the 'matic will not even try to eat anything I smoke. She keeps saying why don't you just grill like you used to do?
 
lte last year, while spending a few weeks with my head up my butt, i lit the chimney over the burner for the turkey fryer. It was november/december and the pit was buried in leaves that had fallen.

looked back in the pit while prepping the meat. Chimneys burning fine.. so are all the leaves in the immediate area.. bandera is surrounded by flames, new stockade fence is geeting charred.. and OH Sh*t@@ the propane tanke from the burner is in the midddle of the flames too. Grab garden hose to put out fire.. turn it on.. hose is frozen and blocked with ice. Grab bucket, start runing bak and forth to pool cover picken up bucket of ice/water/wet leaves from inside the pool cover.. back and forth dumping on the fire... ..... 1 man bucket brigade.


2 - Fill up a garbage baag with a gallon or 2 of Dr. Pepper marinade. Add a few packer cut briskets. Lift bag and turn to put in garage fridge. while walking to the garage, the bag busts open. Marinade the kitchen floor, the fridge, the legs, with the entire contents of the bag.. keep trying to catrch the briskets before they hit the floor splashing crap all over the place. After everyrthing settles, yell Sh!T and stomp oin the puddle like a kid.. More sh!t all over the place. Kids are afraid to move.. have theis look of fear on their face.. Kitchen looks like a charles manson murder scene.. 2 hours later, pet the dog, find out you marinaded his head too.

2 - First brisket before discovering packer cuts.. cook a 4-5lb market trimmed flat for 12-14 hours, unwrapped at 250.... Can u say Jerky?

3- Take 4 hours to prepare 30-40 #6 shrimp stuffing with chicken tenders, wrapping in bacon, marinading..... . smoke carefully till they taste like crap. Find out the recipe calls for them to be grilled, not smoked. Wouldnt be so bad.. but i did that at a Bash with several brethren there to razz me about it for weeks to come.

hey.. live and learn.. without all theis mess up we do... we wouldnt be advancing to experts. :)
 
OK- I'll fess up.
Friend (Smokin' Expert) "teaches" me to Q a couple of years ago.
I have about 20 Turkey drummies I need to do for an upcoming Disney trip. Friend even loans me a horizontal smoker (Wally World Cheapie).
I am to maintain 180-190 chamber temp and have lots of white smoke (key to success) !!!!
And it really is OK to use some moldy oak (big white fungus growing on it) because it will just "burn off".
I followed my instructions perfectly, after all, I am a good student.
Now, I need 170 + or so internal temp. I missed the logic that 170 + will only be attained when the drummies "equalize" with the chamber temp.
10 hours later (yes, 10 hours) I had 20 "Turkey Jerky" drummies coated with about 1/2 " of creosote :cry:
Then I bought my Bandera and found the "Brethren" :D
Great drummies now, and working on better!
TIM
 
willkat98 said:
Weeks to come?

Hell, those Shrimp Bombs will live Eternal Phil

yup, your right.. i still find one wallking around in the woods occasionally.
 
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