I get what you are saying and I don't necessarily disagree. But, let's look at one phrase you used above: "...but it AIN'T BBQ"
In that phrase, "BBQ" is a noun referring to a type/style of food. But what about BBQ as a verb, as in "to BBQ a piece of meat" ? Or as an event, like, "I'm going to a BBQ" ?
In my mind, it's all hopelessly muddled and intertwined to the point where you can't really argue what it is and what it isn't. Meat cooked over indirect heat coupled with the application of smoke ? Does that make Beef Jerky a form of BBQ? Or what about Smoked Salmon ? Is that BBQ ? If I put a brisket on a wood burning grill and the grate is 4 inches above the coals, is that grilling or BBQing ? What if I move the grate up to 8 inches ? Does that suddenly change it from grilling to BBQing ?
Even better, say that you have a UDS. You build a small wood fire in the bottom and don't use a deflector plate. You throw a butt on to cook. Are you grilling ? Are you BBQing ?Does it matter how far away the grate is from the fire? See what I mean ? It's danged near impossible to draw a concise line and construct a definition of "BBQ". There will be so many exceptions to that definition that the definition itself becomes meaningless.
The Wikipedia article quoted in a post above seems to have the general essence. Above all, BBQ is "smoke-cooked." And to distill it down a bit more, it is best characterized by a slower, lower-temp cooking process that yields that particular character we all know is real BBQ.
But, I think there are exceptions to the above. Chicken is one example. I have done chicken low and slow, done it hNf, and grilled it using variety of smoke producing means. My favorite chicken is actually grilled, over a combination of direct and indirect heat, over a combination of charcoal briquettes and wood chunks. The result, to me, is without question, BBQ. I get a nice crispy skin, deep, rich smoky flavor, and prefer the texture of the meat over the texture I get when I slow-smoke. To me, the rich smoky flavor produced by the wood is what distinguishes this from merely "grilled" chicken.
Other meats, like brisket, MUST (in my extraordinarily humble opinion) be cooked the traditional style - low and slow, indirect. Otherwise it will never achieve the texture and tenderness, along with the rich smoky flavor, that we all "know it when we see it."
Fish, on the otherhand, I am not sure anyone can really call it BBQ. Well, maybe if you slathered it all over with some disgusting, sickly sweet syrup like KC Masterpiece or something. Fish is something you grill, poach, bake, or smoke. Or whatever. But when I do a salmon, even in my large offset pit, to me, it is smoked fish. And I love it. But not necessarily BBQ.
It is a shame that the term BBQ, noun or verb, has become so skewed as to cause people to think it's real BBQ when you're doing burgers and dogs. Perhaps I'm overly sensitive to how people use words. But I think being accurate in what you're saying counts. A lot! Just call it like it is.
If I were to invite you over for BBQ, you'd be correct to expect there to be some sort of genuinely BBQed ribs, beef, chicken, or whatever, and that it would have been cooked over a legitimate wood fire. But please don't invite me over to a "barbeque" in which you are serving burgers and dogs that have been cooked over a gasser or a Weber. I'd LOVE to come over to your place for burgers and dogs! And I don't care if they are cooked over a gasser or a Weber. Don't mistake me here. But don't tantalize my taste buds and set up my high expectations by just telling me it is a barbeque.
