I've already been told to say "They're great."

[daninnewjersey]

I don't understand why someone can act like a complete jerk and others have to tip toe around so there isn't some confrontation. If someone acts like a jerk.....ESPECIALLY to family members....why do all the "good" people have to let it happen so there isn't "a scene". This only serves to perpetuate it. Maybe if someone told him (in private)...or anyone like this....what an ass they're acting like....and more importantly how it affects other people....they might stop. If they don't....well, it says a lot.....

 

[Gore]

The issue is this guy's attitude and behavior. He has demeaned how I do things and has shown zero respect for someone else's hard work. And has tried to reduce the methods of what many of use to produce great smoked Q to two hours in the oven wrapped in foil at 375 degrees and a few minuteso on the gasser grill and POOF!!!! "I just replicated what it took you basically all day to do. You're stupid!"

Yeah, that was issue number 1. Can't help you there. :laugh:

I think that's one of those things you're supposed to have considered before you married your wife. Of course we never do. :becky: If you don't have some a$$hole relative that drives your wife bananas, your family isn't normal. Try to imagine a similar situation with the roles reversed, and you trying (hoping) for a peaceful/pleasant day for grandma. Not much help, but that's the tough issue.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

I don't understand why someone can act like a complete jerk and others have to tip toe around so there isn't some confrontation. If someone acts like a jerk.....ESPECIALLY to family members....why do all the "good" people have to let it happen so there isn't "a scene". This only serves to perpetuate it. Maybe if someone told him (in private)...or anyone like this....what an ass they're acting like....and more importantly how it affects other people....they might stop. If they don't....well, it says a lot.....

Here's why. Because in every family you have those that many label as the "peacemakers" of the family. They'll avoid ruffling waters at all cost. Even if it means allowing some knuckle dragging in law uncle to parade around in all his arrogance while everyone just sits and pretends it doesn't happen.

To me these people aren't "peacemakers". They are "sweep it under the ruggers and hope it goes away" type people. Their intent has more to do about hating confrontation than it does about "keeping the peace". I can't tell you how many times I was about an eye blink from calling this dude down on the carpet in front of the family for some arrogant stupid remark he made to me or someone around me that was totally out of line. But I keep in mind my wife's grandmother, her wishes and other elders in the family that I know how they wish to handle it. Which is "just ignore him". Now if it were at my house all bets are off. My house my rules. But he doesn't ever come to my house. So when I see him it is in other people's houses and I feel that I need to respect the rules of their house and how they want things handled.

 

[h20loo]

I'd be sneeking in the back door and cranking the stove up. Nothing would be better than arriving later to find burnt ribs.:laugh:

 

[BasicPatrick]

I'm going to get my head chopped off but if you put a pan of overcooked and slightly over sauced oven ribs and a pan of quality competition ribs out in public for a vote I'd bet huge money that the oven ribs would win by a landslide.

Most people think barely falling off the bone and an completely meat free bone is a good thing.

I'm sure this varies in different areas of the country but if popularity is the end game i'd be careful on a straight comparison against quality oven ribs.

I love the bring a pan idea though.

 

[daninnewjersey]

So when I see him it is in other people's houses and I feel that I need to respect the rules of their house and how they want things handled.

I totally understand and apologize if I got you mad. I did not intend to do that at all. I know the spot you're in and you are being the bigger man with this guy.....

 

[Lake Dogs]

> But I keep in mind my wife's grandmother, her wishes and other elders in the family that I know how they wish to handle it. Which is "just ignore him". Now if it were at my house all bets are off. My house my rules. But he doesn't ever come to my house. So when I see him it is in other people's houses and I feel that I need to respect the rules of their house and how they want things handled.

Well said! First, be thankful at your age that you still have a grandmother alive.

Second, well said about in other people's houses. I've had to sit through many a fast-grilled "country rib" that was tough and soupy with sauce and SMILE SMILE SMILE... For what it's worth, eventually some of them will be able to sample some of your barbecue, and they'll *know* without you ever having to say a word. Mine (of this) came last October at a local competition. After the competition we had a huge group of friends come over; friends that hadn't been able to make it to one of our summer parties yet. Exhausted, we gave them the "y'all go help yourself" instruction. It wasn't long before the "HOLY COW!" comments started. They'd go away and bring back friends of friends to sample, and it snow balled. Unfortunately, as a result, I'm now the cook at all the barbecues going forward... I never had to mention the last time we went to their house and the barbecue that they had was crock-pot butt (tasteless) with sauce...

 

[PatioDaddio]

So you want us to pray that you'll be able to lie well? :shocked: :-D

John

 

[Bamabuzzard]

I totally understand and apologize if I got you mad. I did not intend to do that at all. I know the spot you're in and you are being the bigger man with this guy.....

Oh no wasn't mad one bit. :thumb:

 

[deepsouth]

I would agree with your wife... Don't turn it into a pissing contest. He's happy with the ribs he makes. There isb no reason to bring him down or 'attempt' to do so. You are happy with the ribs you make too and it's easier to keep two people happy by humbling yourself than it is to prove yourself to someone else.

As a homebrewer, I often get the same situations. Why would I ever spend the time, money, and effort I do to make beer that Joe Sixpack doens't think is as good as Coors light? Why would I want to wait 3 or 4 months to drink a beer that I made rather than just popping into the local grocery store and buying a case of Bud Light?

It's all about what makes us happy as individuals. I can make beer that is good or better than any micro/craft beer that I can buy on the shelves. I know this and I'm happy with it. In the mean time, I'd like to keep my friends happy as well by avoiding situations where I might damage their self esteem.

Humbling, isn't it?

There is no accounting for taste

i like this answer best.

i'd like to add that often times, on this forum, many members say things along the lines of who are you to question what is bbq and what isn't? general concensus seems to be, if it's bbq to them, it's bbq. even if it's boiled ribs finished oversauced on a gas grill....

so, i'd just suck it up, suck down a couple cold beers and eat a rib and tell him they are great.

 

[Boshizzle]

Offer up some questions for him like:

How do you keep up with all the requests from friends to cook ribs for them?

Why don't your ribs have a smoke ring? If he says it's because he cooks in an oven ask him if he has ever tried TQ then educate him in front of everyone that the smoke ring doesn't come from smoke but from nitrates.

Ask him how he determines when they are done. Then educate him on the toothpick test, the bend test, the pull back test and the blow out test (go by the number of ribs that have come out from under the meat/membrane on the back side of the ribs) and even the internal temperature test which some people actually use. They usually look for a temp around 190 to 195 for ribs.

Ask him if he removes the membrane. If he does, explain that the membrane helps keep the juices in. If he doesn't, explain what the membrane is, how to remove it, and how removing the membrane helps seasoning get into the meat.

Ask him to share his sauce recipe. If he uses a commercial sauce, educate him on making BBQ sauce (in front of everyone, of course) or on doctoring commercial sauces.

The idea is to start a friendly conversation on the finer points of cooking and BBQ then put him on the defensive and get him to the point where he looks like he has no idea what he is doing. Just keep asking pointed questions until he shuts up. And it can all be done without an adversarial attitude on your part.

It may even be a lot of fun.

 

[tjv]

answer with a question.. he says how are they, you say....how did you cook them...and so on, you can end with.....oh I had a big ole slow smoked, sauced up slab yesterday and since the wife is getting on me about my cholesteral....I did had to pass on yours, great side dishes by the way..............

 

[bluegrass&bbq]

well Said

Quote from Gore
(still trying to figure out the Quote thing)

"Maybe you can enjoy some different tastes and textures that you don't get with your food. Don't try to compare and if you are asked to make a comparison, decline politely, "it is like comparing apples to oranges." To me that is completely honest and non-confrontational. Of course, if he insists on being a jerk after that, then be a little more honest. :becky:

It took me a very long time to appreciate things for what they are, and I am much happier as a result.[/QUOTE]


Well said.:clap2::clap2::clap2:

 

[davet54]

You can say what my father in law says "Will keep you from starvin" and leave it at that. Not saying good or bad.

 

[JiveTurkey]

I hear ya about the "peacemakers" with families. My family was like that and I hated it growing up. Stuff would happen and I would scratch my head why nobody said anything. The answer was always to "let it go, it's not worth fighting over". Meanwhile issues fester and build up and it makes for all kind of family drama. As I got older I made my feelings clear and to the point. Not to start a fight but I'm not going to play nice either.

A few years back I had a cousin steal some valuable items from me that I caught him with. Keep in mind we're grown men now, not kids, and I called him out on it. Before I did his parents and my mom were urging me not to say anything. We wouldn't want to rock the boat right. BS I say. I told him I knew and I also told him that he could keep the stuff because it obviously meant more to him than it did me and he would have to answer to God someday for what he did. Yes this caused a big split in the family. Cousins and relatives all took their sides and for the past few years we are still dealing with the fallout.

In the end I would say it's worth it. They can keep their thief. But just keep in mind that sometimes doing the right thing is not always the easy thing. If it was easy everybody would stand up instead of being cowards. I find peacemakers as cowards.

You can be the politician that tells everybody how great things are and shakes hands and smiles and is so full crap that his teeth are brown or you can be Al Pacino in Godfather 2 and say "Fredo I know it was you, you breaka my heart". I like Pacino.

 

[ChicagoSizzlin]

But I keep in mind my wife's grandmother, her wishes and other elders in the family that I know how they wish to handle it. Which is "just ignore him". Now if it were at my house all bets are off. My house my rules. But he doesn't ever come to my house. So when I see him it is in other people's houses and I feel that I need to respect the rules of their house and how they want things handled.

I just going to quote this to keep it in perspective. Yea sweeping it under the rug isnt the way I do things either but I also wouldnt ruin a family dinner over some zealous A hole that has to prove a point at every meeting. Just remember people like this will always get whats coming to them. Im the biggest fan of karma cause I have seen it in action many times. Those times always makes me smile :-D and I feel better for being the better person.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

I just going to quote this to keep it in perspective. Yea sweeping it under the rug isnt the way I do things either but I also wouldnt ruin a family dinner over some zealous A hole that has to prove a point at every meeting. Just remember people like this will always get whats coming to them. Im the biggest fan of karma cause I have seen it in action many times. Those times always makes me smile :-D and I feel better for being the better person.

Yeah, I'm not a person that sweeps things like this under the rug. Which I believe is the reason the tool bag never comes to our house when we host things at our house. He seemingly always has "things come up". I think he's been to our house one time. And now that I think about it he was awfully quiet the entire time. So odds are he knows where he can get away with it and where he can't.

 

[daninnewjersey]

And now that I think about it he was awfully quiet the entire time. So odds are he knows where he can get away with it and where he can't.

Any chance when the big "taste" happens you can sneak some pron of his ribs???:becky::becky:

 

[Bamabuzzard]

Any chance when the big "taste" happens you can sneak some pron of his ribs???:becky::becky:

I'll dang sure try. And to be fair his ribs might be good. He's a pretty good cook. He just feels the need to put somebody else down in the attempt to show you he's a good cook. Which is not necessary. He makes some of the best seafood gumbo I've tasted. And I've told him as much.

 

[timzcardz]

You really ought to get to gether with Willkat and his Uncle Farker! :becky: