Dear Mr. Bigabyte,
Place your left hand on the Brethren Logo, raise your right hand and repeat after me:
I do hereby swear to uphold the spirit of the MOINK Ball and always protect the specialness of the MOINK Ball. I do hereby promise to always make sure the MOINK Balls I certify are proper and yummy.
I promise to never certify anything that contains chicken, lamb, turkey or any form of veggie meatball. I especially promise to have any farker making falafel MOINK Balls killed at my earliest convenience.
I also promise to never, ever take a bribe for certifying MOINK Balls unless it's for a new smoker or grill.
I promise all these things in the name of the Grand Poobah of BBQ, so help me Landarc.