Dade City better get ready for a Food Blitz
There is a rumor buzzing that their is a new series being picked up by Food Blitz TV and that they will be following Whiskey Bent into Dade City.
Now for the big question: For the hundreds in attendance and the thousands watching around the world.
Chad (Whiskey Bent) vs Myron (Jacks Old South)
Round 1: Myron has prettier hair in person. The locks are long, flowing, feathered (Ric Flair-esque), slick backed at times with a mustard slather and gray with wisdom (advantage Myron) 1-0
Round 2: Myron has multiple world championships. Lots of wins over the years. He's walked up on more stages than Ringo Starr after the Beatles broke up. (advantage Myron) 2-0
Round 3: Chad rode a damn John Deere Gator to the stage to get his Grand Championship. With the damn trophies in the back and cut a wrestling promo on a live mic in Clermont. Altough he thanked Swamp Boys for the class, he forgot to thank the sponsors. We'll let that slide. (advantage Chad) 2-1
Round 4: Chad has a sweet assortment of vintage Oakley sunglasses. I think that those were orange lensed razorblades in Clermont. I've seen rhodium ski goggles in Mulberry. I know he doesn't have some old school Oakley frogskins or does he? (advantage Chad) 2-2
Round 5: Myron can cook whole hog like nobody else. He pops champagne like he wins whole hog championships. I think his whole hog setup is the nicest restaurant in Georgia. (advantage Myron) 3-2
Round 6: Chad is from Florida..Myron is from Georgia. I've got family in Georgia, but even my Mema picked Florida over Georgia. Does Georgia still play football? (advantage Chad) 3-3
Round 7: Myron made about 40k off a single cook class. Don't be surprised if he asks where the cash at. This is even more impressive than Whiskey Bent starting an old lady fight at Pig Fest over smoked mullet vending. (advantage Myron) 4-3
Round 8: Myron has TLC Pitmasters...Chad has Food Blitz TV. If this is true, I've got to give an ever so slight edge to Myron until I see the first episode from Food Blitz TV (advantage Myron). 5-3
Round 9: Chad has the block rocker. If you don't know what the block rocker is, go see Whiskey Bent BBQ at around 3:30 and bring your money and appetite for gambling. (advantage Chad) 5-4
Round 10: Johnny Trigg carries a gun in his boot (i've heard), but Chad eats buffalo chicken dip that has sat out all night on a sausage mcmuffin. This is followed by his usual dry heave teeth brushing session every Saturday morning at around 6 am (don't bother to set your alarm). There is no animal or human being that emulate those feats or sounds. I've also seen a straight Clorox Wipes bath...full gootch clean and everything! Wow! I'm positive Myrons protologist, dentist and dermatologist would steer him away from these feats. (advantage Chad) 5-5
Round 11: Myron cooks chicken in a muffin pan; rumor has it that Chad cooks his brisket in a meat loaf pan. Since it cannot be proven, we have to call Myron the winner because I know that I've seen more than 5 people try this. (Advantage Myron) 6-5
Round 12: Myron sends his cast up to retrieve his small calls; Chad goes and gets every one of his with the whole cast. You've never seen so many people go up to get a ninth place ribbon in your life. I think that I saw my prom date from high school, nephew, and pastor walk up there. (advantage Chad). 6-6
Michael Buffer reads the judges cards and has it as a draw. However, if Whiskey Bent can do it again this week and there is a film crew out there taping...we got to call Whiskey Bent the hotter team. If either of the above listed two things don't happen, Jacks Old South wins.
I've got to see this film crew...I don't believe it.