'Twas the day before Christmas,
And all through the house,
We were feeling an illness,
That struck even our mouse.
Our youngest was reading
Snuggled in a chair,
Still wrapped in pajamas,
And knots in her hair.
She'd woken excited,
But her skin, it looked blue,
She was fighting a fever
Of one-hundred and two.
I was cramped in a ball,
Not 'cause Larry said, "Bite us!"
I'd been struck with a bout
Of diverticulitis.
The food in the fridge
Might just have to wait.
For another day,
To lay out on the grate.
But Santa would need
A Christmassy treat,
To help him along,
Keep him light on his feet.
I rose from the bed
And lighted the pit,
And sorted the coals
With my gray Kevlar mitt.
Some salmon we'd cured
With sugar and salt,
And let it dry guarded
In our ice-cold vault.
I seasoned the fish
With syrup of maple
It’s not only just
A breakfasty staple.
I then ground some pepper
To balance the sweetness,
And sprinkled it over
With uttermost neatness.
On top of the coals,
I added some cherry
To give it a flavor
That’ll keep the man merry.
For three hours long
That salmon did smoke
Until the sweet smell
Would please even the Groke.
At one-forty five,
I judged it to be done,
And we could begin
Our Christmassy fun.
We watched a movie
And wrapped up some presents,
Set the table for breakfast
That would feature some crescents.
Then just before bed time,
Put more wood on the fire,
And prepare Santa’s snack
Before I retire.
My wife had just baked
A nice loaf of bread
And I laid out a beer
That would have a nice head.
The salmon I placed
On a wooden board
Then went up to bed
As my spirits soared.
I slept very well
Knowing Santa’d be happy,
Even though my poor stomach
Still felt kind of crappy.
So Happy Christmas to all,
And enjoy these good times
I hope you’ve found pleasure
In these silly rhymes.