Official Entry
Admiral Bigabyte!
Private KnucklHed, 3rd whack-a-doodle brigade reporting sir!
Glad you’ve returned private – what news?
Sir, your decision to have me go dark at the outset of this skirmish has proved to be most beneficial, I was able to penetrate deep into the enemy’s rear defenses and gather a wealth of information.
Great job private, let’s see what you’ve got.
Sir, before we begin, I just want to say that I did a lot of things I’m not exactly proud of while under cover, and, well sir…
Forget it private, I went to college too, we’ve all done things…
Now, down to business! What have you got?
Well sir, as I worked my way thru their defenses I was able to capture a few of them, since I wasn’t expecting to have to torture anyone, I improvised… I held their pota-TOES to the fire until they talked…
Sir it was so horrible that I…
Yes???
…I nearly started crying. Like I couldn’t control it, as if someone was cutting onions nearby or something.
Crying???!!!
Yes sir…
BUT I DIDN’T!! They uh, they beet me too it… sir.
Let me get this straight, you and these sissy girls are sitting around a farkin’ campfire singin’ kum-ba-freakin’-ya or whatever and crying like babies at nap time?? Get outta my sight, you’re a disgrace to the uniform!
Sir! Please, wait, …there’s more. And I didn’t cry,
I said almost!
Alright, carry on. But I swear, if I so much as
smell fear on you, you’ll be swimming home!
I would expect no less sir.
So what happened next?
Well their faces began to turn bright red as the fire got hotter an’ hotter
And their skin began to blister and char… I just about lost my lunch sir, it was not a pretty sight.
Sounds gruesome, get to the good stuff, what did they tell you??
Well, things got a little rough and I had to crack some heads, but eventually they spilled everything…
AND????!!!!
Well, you’re not going to believe this, but they gave me a map… that lead me straight to their munitions depot… I godda say sir, it looks like they were planning for something big!
Fortunately I was able to rig it all up so that it would all detonate at the same time using my pocket watch, a gum wrapper, some bailing wire and shane’s brisket, still not sure where they dug that thing up from… :noidea:
SHANE’S BRISKET???!!!! Holy fark-a-mole!! This could have been so much worse than even I suspected!! Good job private!
Thank you sir! You shoulda been there to see that thing go off! Impressive to say the least sir!! The mushroom cloud was as big as any I’ve ever seen!
And the fire that took over after the detonation, well, let’s just say it was searing hot!! All in all I’d say it was a successful
steak out sir!
I hope you don’t mind sir, but I took a few min to mix up a refreshing cocktail while I watched it burn, I think we really
squashed em’ with this attack!
Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat! COCKTAILS??? Where’d you get the hooch from??
Sir, I’ve been gone for some time… I had to improvise given the circumstances, so I put together a still to make rum…
RUM? Fer real? Got any left??
It’s not as difficult as one might think sir, brown sugar, molasses and yeast will get the fermentation going nice and strong, then I just had to run it through the still… And
yes, there’s plenty. :thumb:
Please use this kill shot for my entry photo!
Gratuitous fork shot...
