Cooking with the Master: Episode VII, On location in Spain

Gore

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What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: Episode VII, On location in Spain"

Narrator: Ninja Squirrel Productions Presents, "Cooking with the Master"

I (Gore) [on phone]: But our contract said six episodes and that is what we've done... what do you mean Episode 1 was promotional and doesn't count? ... Excuse me, hey, narrator, we've got some dead air to fill up!

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, this episode of "Cooking with the Master" is being shot live, on location in northern Spain, where up until now, Gore was previously enjoying the lovely beaches

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and chocolate con churros

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From Ninja Squirrel Studios

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in lovely Santander, we bring you "Cooking with the Master"

I (Gore) [to Narrator]: But did you even take a look at that pic? There's not a grill or smoker anywhere near here? How am I supposed to do a BBQ show ....

Narrator: Gore, we're live!

I (Gore): ... uh, Ladies, Gentlemen, Good evening, and welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. The Master is ... heck, where is the Master and why isn't he doing this show? ... clause 23b in his contract? ... and this clause isn't in mine?.... Well, this is going to be a pretty short show tonight because I have no grill or even a balcony and this here is my studio kitchen.

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Smokey: Squeek, squeek, squeek.

Narrator: Smokey says that there is a grill in the back of the kitchen. [Aside to Smokey] Smokey? Heh, heh

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I (Gore): Yeah, like there's any room for a grill in here?

Smokey: Squeek, squeek, squeek.

Narrator: Yep, check this out!

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I (Gore): I just thought that was a microwave oven. Well, it's not like it's going to fit a butt, but .... Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "Cooking with the Master" where I will demonstrate the making of tapas with some genuine pulled cheese! My sous chef Smokey has assembled the ingredients, some genuine Spanish meats, pimientos, and bread, along with some imported (from Latvia) string cheese:

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We pull this cheese into strands, just as we would a well cooked pork butt:

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We insert the assembled tapas into the electric grill. For this cook, we use the Optigrill pizza setting (not shown on the lower-right panel):

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Apparently, this can do a chicken or a roast too, for the brave (or foolhardy). We set the time to about a minute, press the OPTIGRILL button and wait for the beep. I can almost smell the electric smoke lingering in the air as the virtual flames lick my wonderful tapas creation. And here it is, ready to be enjoyed.

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[As the credits roll by and the audience groans]

Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes this and every week and you can read about them all in the entry threads!

I (Gore): That’s a wrap!
 
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Reactions: gtr
You travel with squirrels? He seems less than pleased with you.
 
My squirrel was confiscated at the border, some sort of misunderstanding.
 
I can see why the little fella was embarassed. If only Ninja Squirrel had been there, he would have made you fill that box with wood and held it out a window to cook on with a grate over the opening.
 
"Squeek squeek!"
...Nice one Ninja!...

"Squeek squeek squeek."
...Pulled cheese rocks...

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"Squeek squeek. Squeek squeek squeek?"

...I was wondering. When do you get your own show?"...

"Squeek squeek squeek...squ"
...Time to dump these lo...um...

"Squeek"
...Rocky...
 
"Squeek squeek!"
...Nice one Ninja!...

"Squeek squeek squeek."
...Pulled cheese rocks...

"Squeek squeek. Squeek squeek squeek?"

...I was wondering. When do you get your own show?"...

"Squeek squeek squeek...squ"
...Time to dump these lo...um...

"Squeek"
...Rocky...


Not sure what will happen next season with the new contracts. Ninja didn't make the trip with us and I can't figure out why he didn't have to do this show, but the producers didn't say a thing when Smokey substituted. I can see why Bob doesn't travel with squirrels. They don't use the zippers on the suitcases, just chew them open, and I had acorns in my socks when I put them on this morning. The kids think they're cute though. Anyway, Smokey thinks that's one hot lookin' squirrel you've got there Guerry.
 
Good show Gore, can't wait for the next one. But if I were you I might try for a new contract. Or would that be a pay cut?
 
That does it, I gotta go back to traveling with squirrels. They fit in luggage so much better than bears...
 
BEARS? :shocked:

Large furry creatures the freak out TSA and Customs agents. And attract the attention of the fruit-sniffing dog (why, I don't know, but rumor has it that their mates use them as "burros" to smuggle foreign fruit across international borders).
 
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