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Q-talk *ON TOPIC ONLY* QUALITY ON TOPIC discussion of Backyard BBQ, grilling, equipment and outdoor cookin' . ** Other cooking techniques are welcomed for when your cookin' in the kitchen. Post your hints, tips, tricks & techniques, success, failures, but stay on topic and watch for that hijacking.


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Old 12-03-2017, 05:53 PM   #1
RemoGaggi
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Default Dumb friends that want to cook like you?

Just a little venting here, but just wondering if you've got good friends that are completely clueless as to smoking/grilling, that want to produce great food like you, but never listen to any advice/tips you give them nor do they work at learning.

One of my best friends is a licensed civil engineer. I've known him since we were in high school (33 years). He wants to cook brisket and ribs like me. Last year he buys himself a 14" Smokey Mountain. He used it maybe twice last year (summer 2016) and each time he calls me asking me how to light the charcoal. Yesterday, he texts me asking if the vents need to be opened or closed when lighting. Really? I should have told him "closed" and let him fumble around it until he figured it out. But I went over the starting procedure again, like a good friend would.

He calls me this afternoon at 1pm, all excited about just buying a brisket and he's going home to smoke it. I asked him how big is the brisket and he says 5#. (Turns out he bought just a flat). He keeps asking me how long and what temp to cook at and I swear I've told him (and all my friends) that its difficult to cook brisket to a certain temp, every piece of meat is different, etc. They never listen and its frustrating to repeat myself about basic techniques. They all want treat the meat, whether it's ribs or brisket, like a meatloaf that they can bake for an hour.

I tell my friend that it's already 1pm (he's not even home from the store yet) and that he really needed to start the meat earlier and give it time to rest. But, nope, he insists that it will be done by dinner. He texts me at 1:30pm that it's in the smoker. I told him good luck with that. At least he got the fire started....
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:04 PM   #2
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Any updates from your friend?
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:07 PM   #3
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Sounds like you are lucky. I had a friend call me a couple of months ago, wanting me to tell him how to make mashed potatoes.
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:13 PM   #4
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Send them to Amazingribs.com to read. Lol

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Old 12-03-2017, 06:18 PM   #5
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OhMyFriggunGoodness!!! This is my dear friend Matt! I love him to death, but I want to strangle him when he calls/texts several times a year, asking the SAME. FARKING. QUESTIONS. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!!!! You literally had me ROLLING with sympathetic laughter from this thread! I read the thread title to my wife, and she exclaimed "MATT"!!!

EDIT TO ADD; Matt in Madison, not Sauk! Fantomlord is a BBQ Jedi!
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:28 PM   #6
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My friends know better than trying to smoke anything.

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Old 12-03-2017, 06:34 PM   #7
TonyT
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Think Beentown is on the right track. If he's an engineer send him to a site (maybe one with graphs and charts lol) that he can read and reference. Then he can ask you the questions that the site doesn't answer.
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:36 PM   #8
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Well, at least he respects your knowledge. Tell him each time he calls he is charged a sixer of your favorite brew!!! Consulting Fee!!!!!
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:36 PM   #9
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And if he decided not to listen, please have him take pics along the way for my enjoyment... I mean his education

Then he'll take it seriously, read up/listen and make a brisket he can be real proud of
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:41 PM   #10
electron_si
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I was just at a birthday party and they were serving “brisket” that looked like bbq sauce soup and “pulled pork” that looked like wet cat food.
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Old 12-03-2017, 06:45 PM   #11
blazinfire
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LYU370 View Post
Any updates from your friend?
Wonder if he made it by dinner?
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Old 12-03-2017, 07:05 PM   #12
Bacchus2b
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Most of my friends want to cook like me, but they are unwilling to put in the time or effort needed. I let them cook their one brisket or rack of ribs every year and take a polite bite, but just one!
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Old 12-03-2017, 07:13 PM   #13
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I usually lose people when they are at our house eating dinner and I tell them I was up at 3 am to put the brisket on that they are eating.

Usually that’s enough to turn people away
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Old 12-03-2017, 07:21 PM   #14
mikemci
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I have a nephew like that. He asks me how to cook something, then he tells me how HE is going to do it. Yet, he says he's asking because he really likes the way mine comes out. ?????
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Old 12-03-2017, 07:53 PM   #15
RemoGaggi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LYU370 View Post
Any updates from your friend?
It's 5:46pm and he just called me asking how to probe the meat for tenderness, again! I tell him to use the thermometer. Then he asks how does he probe without removing the lid. OY VEY!
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