TxQGuy
Full Fledged Farker
Let's face it, y'all. Not every single experiment can be a success, and not everything always goes according to plan. I thought it might be fun to share tales of things you've smoked/grilled that turned out horribly. So, pull up a seat, crack open a cold beer, and maybe keep a trash can nearby in case you need to dispose of some disastrous food. Here are some that come to mind for me:
1) The Pledge Pork Loin: Many years ago, I got a killer recipe/technique from a friend's father (who has since passed on...thank you for the tips, sir) for a smoked, andouille-stuffed pork loin. It works deliciously, and is still a staple of mine. For reference, it is quite simple...cut a slit in a pork loin lengthwise, stuff with an andouille link, apply some rub, and then smoke nekkid until done. You should try it sometime. However, there was one time I tried to shake things up a bit and do things differently with this beloved recipe. I decided to, after an hour or so smoked nekkid, foil the loin with some lemon slices and a little italian dressing. I'm not sure what exactly happened, but the finished product had the texture of mushy sand, and tasted like lemon Pledge cleaner. Thank goodness that I had also made ribs and chicken for those in attendance that day.
2) First and last attempt at Jerk Chicken: I had a hankering to try making real, authentic jerk chicken. So I got ahold of a recipe and made it, including Scotch Bonnet peppers. Not sure where I went wrong or what happened, but as soon as I put the first piece of chicken on the grill, it created what felt like pepper spray. I coughed, gagged, went temporarily blind, and leaked out snot while attempting not to choke to death. I'm not sure how that chicken actually tasted, it theoretically may have been delicious, but by the time I got back outside from washing my eyes out in the sink, it had burned to charcoal.
3) Zombie Chicken: I bought a standard issue whole chicken from Walmart Neighborhood Market. Yes, I remember where I bought it from all these years later because I vowed never to purchase meat there again after this... Anyhow, all seemed normal as I prepped it and put it on the grill to make beer can chicken (I had not yet learned the futility of this method). When it was done to temp, I let it rest, and then carved into this otherwise normal looking bird...only to find that the meat inside was literally black. :shock: I swear to you guys, it didn't look or smell even remotely off when I bought it. I have no idea what happened, but needless to say it went right into the trash.
What are your disastrous stories?
1) The Pledge Pork Loin: Many years ago, I got a killer recipe/technique from a friend's father (who has since passed on...thank you for the tips, sir) for a smoked, andouille-stuffed pork loin. It works deliciously, and is still a staple of mine. For reference, it is quite simple...cut a slit in a pork loin lengthwise, stuff with an andouille link, apply some rub, and then smoke nekkid until done. You should try it sometime. However, there was one time I tried to shake things up a bit and do things differently with this beloved recipe. I decided to, after an hour or so smoked nekkid, foil the loin with some lemon slices and a little italian dressing. I'm not sure what exactly happened, but the finished product had the texture of mushy sand, and tasted like lemon Pledge cleaner. Thank goodness that I had also made ribs and chicken for those in attendance that day.
2) First and last attempt at Jerk Chicken: I had a hankering to try making real, authentic jerk chicken. So I got ahold of a recipe and made it, including Scotch Bonnet peppers. Not sure where I went wrong or what happened, but as soon as I put the first piece of chicken on the grill, it created what felt like pepper spray. I coughed, gagged, went temporarily blind, and leaked out snot while attempting not to choke to death. I'm not sure how that chicken actually tasted, it theoretically may have been delicious, but by the time I got back outside from washing my eyes out in the sink, it had burned to charcoal.
3) Zombie Chicken: I bought a standard issue whole chicken from Walmart Neighborhood Market. Yes, I remember where I bought it from all these years later because I vowed never to purchase meat there again after this... Anyhow, all seemed normal as I prepped it and put it on the grill to make beer can chicken (I had not yet learned the futility of this method). When it was done to temp, I let it rest, and then carved into this otherwise normal looking bird...only to find that the meat inside was literally black. :shock: I swear to you guys, it didn't look or smell even remotely off when I bought it. I have no idea what happened, but needless to say it went right into the trash.
What are your disastrous stories?
