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ThatsWhatSheSaidBBQ
03-08-2012, 11:28 AM
Everyone always posts favorite cooks/dishes and amazing pron.. We all have our "best ever"..how bout your worst ever?! Pr0n would make it all the better!

This could be your worst cook to the worst over-all meal you ever had/made!

TIMMAY
03-08-2012, 11:40 AM
My worst ever was anything I cooked before I found this site. I had Brinkmann SnP offset and I consistently made ribs and pp that tasted like an ashtray. I fed that thing wood constantly and kept that white nasty billowy smoke going nonstop through the whole cook.

Fast forward from then to now. Wifey was terrified when I told her I was smoking food again. She was real apprehensive trying food from my first cook after I learned a thing or two, but she liked it and ain't skeered no more.

MattG
03-08-2012, 11:44 AM
Myron Mixon's book has a recipe for bacon wrapped chicken livers.:rolleyes: I thought to my self bacon makes everything taste better. I WAS WRONG!!!!!! Nastiest crap that I ever ate. I can still see my wife shaking her head at me. :tsk: :tsk: :tsk: Ooooo the shame of it all. I had to lick the dogs butt to get that taste out of my mouth. :shocked::shocked::shocked:

deguerre
03-08-2012, 11:47 AM
Years ago. I cooked some orange roughy that looked great on the ice in the case, but I had a head cold and couldn't smell it. Everyone at the table was polite though.

TIMMAY
03-08-2012, 11:53 AM
Years ago. I cooked some orange roughy that looked great on the ice in the case, but I had a head cold and couldn't smell it. Everyone at the table was polite though.

That sucks that it was off when you bought it. Orange roughy is pretty good tasting fish.

deguerre
03-08-2012, 11:54 AM
That sucks that it was off when you bought it. Orange roughy is pretty good tasting fish.

I know. T'wern't cheap either and was meant to be a treat. :tsk:

ThatsWhatSheSaidBBQ
03-08-2012, 11:57 AM
I had to lick the dogs butt to get that taste out of my mouth. :shocked::shocked::shocked:

That's quite the dessert!

gtr
03-08-2012, 11:59 AM
Did you know that cooking a single rack of ribs in a kinda sizable Klose using poor fire management skills can result in bad texture?

How about the first smoked chicken I pulled off the ECB - "ooh, that looks good, I'm gonna cut it up right now!" Rubber boots would have been handy that day.

How about marinating chicken breasts (don't ask) for a couple days in who-knows-what?
Anybody who wants the experience of biting into a tire at the dinner table, feel free to PM me and I'll see if I can dig up that extra acidic marinade recipe for ya.

TIMMAY
03-08-2012, 12:00 PM
AAh... Experimentation at its best...

Harbormaster
03-08-2012, 12:23 PM
Lentil and beef heart soup.

'Nuff said.

El Ropo
03-08-2012, 12:27 PM
Worst chicken leg quarters ever:

http://i826.photobucket.com/albums/zz189/ElRopo/Chicken04.jpg

They should of looked like this:

http://i826.photobucket.com/albums/zz189/ElRopo/July3chicken002.jpg

thirtydaZe
03-08-2012, 12:30 PM
We all have a bad one, In favor of the idea!

ExhaustedSpark
03-08-2012, 12:37 PM
My worst ever would have looked like my best ever if i had pict. to show. It was Whole chicken .
I read that to brine one must leave in brine for what i though was 12 to 14 hrs.
I did not tast test before cooking or smokeing. Looked great with lots of juice. Wow talk about chicken flavored salt. :icon_blush:

BigBlock
03-08-2012, 12:38 PM
Must have been a solor flare

silverfinger
03-08-2012, 12:39 PM
My first beef ribs.
Overcooked and Farkin Dry.
I learned a lot from that cook.
http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa450/smokinbbq/photo-3.jpg

buffalotom
03-08-2012, 12:39 PM
I hate short ribs. Thinking that I should pull the excess fat from the top last night I cooked short ribs using the 3-2-1- method. I did foil and while the flavor was there. I used SM Cherry. It was tougher than tough. I gave the dogs some and they took a while chewing it. Is there a way to smoke them tender with out par boiling them? ARGHH!

CrackerJack from KC
03-08-2012, 12:43 PM
10 years ago when I attempted to do my 1st batch of Ribs, I used my brisket rub in heavy quantities. Rib looked great when they were finished, but ended up tasting like a Salt lick. My family who loves ribs refused to eat it.

Fast forward to 10 days ago, after I got my new to me BGE. I had cooked Chicken Legs on it earlier in the day and they were great. Since the grill was still warm, I decided to do my 1st Pizza. Grill was not getting hot enough, so I removed the platesetter (see where this is going) to get the temps up. I had bought a beautiful $8 Papa Murphys Pizza. Turned out fantastic looking on top. The bottom however could have used as for charcoal for the next time I fired up the egg.

silverfinger
03-08-2012, 12:44 PM
I hate short ribs. Thinking that I should pull the excess fat from the top last night I cooked short ribs using the 3-2-1- method. I did foil and while the flavor was there. I used SM Cherry. It was tougher than tough. I gave the dogs some and they took a while chewing it. Is there a way to smoke them tender with out par boiling them? ARGHH!

I slow smoked mine this week for 2 1/2 hrs at 220 to 230 degrees.
They were melt in your mouth juicy.
http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa450/smokinbbq/IMG_0860.jpg

Here is a link.
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1968452#post1968452

cowgirl
03-08-2012, 01:01 PM
The worst cook I can remember was an underground pig several years ago. It was a 2 day cook, the hog had been in the ground overnight... nearing party time, I left some fellows in charge of watching things while I worked on side dishes.
When I came back they had opened the pit, added charcoal and I think lighter fluid (no one admitted to it)....and they had set the pig on fire as far as I could tell.

The thing was half way scorched. :doh:

Luckily it was a big hog, so there was plenty of edible meat left.

I have a photo of them someplace... all pointing fingers at each other when I asked who did it! lol :becky:

(yes... beer was involved) :tsk: :-D

Wampus
03-08-2012, 01:01 PM
The wife always made good meatloaf. When we were still "kidless" I tried making some. I'd not yet done a lot of experimenting or cooking from anything but a strict recipe and I thought I'd "whip something up". I remember putting a bunch of fennel seed in it and poultry seasoning, among other things.

We couldn't eat it.

She's never forgotten it either.....:doh:

tish
03-08-2012, 01:05 PM
The worst cook I can remember was an underground pig several years ago. It was a 2 day cook, the hog had been in the ground overnight... nearing party time, I left some fellows in charge of watching things while I worked on side dishes.
When I came back they had opened the pit, added charcoal and I think lighter fluid (no one admitted to it)....and they had set the pig on fire as far as I could tell.

The thing was half way scorched. :doh:

Luckily it was a big hog, so there was plenty of edible meat left.

I have a photo of them someplace... all pointing fingers at each other when I asked who did it! lol :becky:

(yes... beer was involved) :tsk: :-D

I don't think you could take the blame for that one, Jeanie. That should go down as one of their worst cooks. :tsk:

El Ropo
03-08-2012, 01:21 PM
I don't think cowgirl is capable of a "bad" cook.

She's lying :icon_blush:

Her worst cook is far better than most of my great cooks.

cowgirl
03-08-2012, 01:29 PM
I don't think cowgirl is capable of a "bad" cook.

She's lying :icon_blush:

Her worst cook is far better than most of my great cooks.

lol Thanks...:hug: I know you could out cook me any day of the week!

It was an interesting looking pig... a couple of the charred legs fell off, but eveyone seemed to have a great time. I guess that's what it's all about. :becky:

ThatsWhatSheSaidBBQ
03-08-2012, 01:29 PM
I don't think cowgirl is capable of a "bad" cook.

She's lying :icon_blush:

Her worst cook is far better than most of my great cooks.

Agreed...

I mean...she salvaged a scorched hog doused in lighter fluid!

deguerre
03-08-2012, 01:30 PM
I have a photo of them someplace... all pointing fingers at each other when I asked who did it! lol :becky:

(yes... beer was involved) :tsk: :-D

How many of them and how long did it take to pry the rifle from your hands Jeanie?

SLCMACK
03-08-2012, 01:31 PM
My first cook at a brisket (corned beef ),not knowing what this was,gave it a try. I had a small off set from walmart and I walked the neighborhood looking for every stick or twig I could find. Needless to say...it tasted like ARSE!!

cowgirl
03-08-2012, 01:39 PM
How many of them and how long did it take to pry the rifle from your hands Jeanie?

lol Guerry... there were about 10 of them. No rifle but I was armed with my camera. I notice in the picture, every one of them is pointing at someone else with one hand.... and holding a beer or mixed drink in the other.
I shoulda known better than to leave them in charge. :becky:

It was a fun night anyway... :-D

Lake Dogs
03-08-2012, 01:41 PM
Oh, thankfully the only pics are those of us at the wedding, on the dock... But my worst cook never fully qualified as a cook... Night before wedding I had 2 fresh hams put on the smoker. I'd done this probably.... 20 times before; great success. However, for some reason, THIS time I decided to get a little cat nap rather than stay up all night (the night before I get married [again]). Little turned in to probably 8 hours, I wake up, it's DAYLIGHT, I panic, run out to find the smoker at 80 degrees... Quickly get the fire back going, only to realize that there's not enough time. I grab the meat, foil it, not really thinking well at all, and throw them in the oven at 350. In the shower I go, only to come out and think "WTF just died in the house". Seriously, the smell was CONSUMING and was of something very dead and VERY rotten. Quick realization that I'd ruined the meat beyond all human belief. Out comes the now VERY hot hams from the oven. I have to let them cool just a little before I can do anything with them; more stench. Finally I was able to put them in layer after layer of garbage bags and drove them to the dump (while opening all the doors and windows in the house). I even had to explain and show the dump attendee who thought I was dumping a person...

Later we made hamburgers for everyone... No BBQ today. It was HORRID.

It took 4 hours for the house to air out enough to where you didnt want to puke as you walked inside... Oh, one last detail, this was July 4th. HOT AS HADES...

Pappy
03-08-2012, 01:45 PM
Pretty much anything I smoke except for pulled pork and beer can chicken turns out bad when I smoke them. Turkey, pork loin, ribs, brisket, all bad. Had 1 good set of ribs. The rest were a waist. It's over or under cooked, left out a spice, too hot or just taste bad. I'll catch on sooner or later.

Big George's BBQ
03-08-2012, 01:46 PM
I don't think cowgirl is capable of a "bad" cook.

She's lying :icon_blush:

Her worst cook is far better than most of my great cooks.


I have to agree I think this was just a bad dream and you are just saying this to make us feel better I dont think you know what a bad cook is

Redhot
03-08-2012, 01:49 PM
Mine has to be those freaky SPAndy Bars I made trying to get really creative in the Summer of Spam TD.

http://i1041.photobucket.com/albums/b414/redhot696/maybe.jpg?t=1311292537

To see the whole cook click here (http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1719050) Guerry thought they were great, I ate a few then wound up just eating all the good stuff off the SPAM! :becky:

caseydog
03-08-2012, 01:49 PM
Mine would probably be the Stuffed Pepper De-Bacle of 2011...

http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116604&highlight=stuffed+pepper+door+knob

CD

silverfinger
03-08-2012, 01:56 PM
Mine would probably be the Stuffed Pepper De-Bacle of 2011...

http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116604&highlight=stuffed+pepper+door+knob

CD

I remember that story CD.
You had my Wife & I rolling on the floor! :clap:

Redhot
03-08-2012, 01:59 PM
That was a good one Caseydog!

Lake Dogs
03-08-2012, 02:12 PM
LMAO Caseydog!!! That sounds like something that would happen to me!!!

ThatsWhatSheSaidBBQ
03-08-2012, 02:23 PM
Mine has to be those freaky SPAndy Bars I made trying to get really creative in the Summer of Spam TD.

To see the whole cook click here (http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1719050) Guerry thought they were great, I ate a few then wound up just eating all the good stuff off the SPAM! :becky:

My goodness! So far, you're winning by a mile! IMO.. Totally outside the box right there...and very hawaiian of you :becky:

rolfejr
03-08-2012, 06:58 PM
Changed my rib process in the middle of the comp (WAAAAY Stupid)
Cut them with a chain saw and finished 55 out of 56!
56 must have been HAZMAT!!!

zydecopaws
03-08-2012, 07:00 PM
No doubt about it, the dog wouldn't even eat this:

http://noexcusesbbq.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/IMG_1666.jpg

There is a story behind this (http://noexcusesbbq.com/archives/2987), and I want to go on record as stating the Crock Lobster (http://noexcusesbbq.com/archives/4029) made this experiment worthwhile...

landarc
03-08-2012, 07:11 PM
This...
http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u105/landarc/shoulder7hrs.jpg

I know what you are thinking, what looks bad about that, well, nothing.

But, it smelled a little bad going on, I assumed cryo funk, but, once cooked, after like many hours, I cracked it open using the press on middle method. Perfect except for the overwhelming aroma of ammonia and rotted meat.

sdbbq1234
03-08-2012, 07:12 PM
If anyone lives in Lakeland, Florida, they could probably go to the dump and find some of my briskets and ribs I tried cooking about 23 years ago. I am certain that those bad boys will be diamonds here soon as they were either "chunks of charcoal or racks of old burned out tire treads" (instead of ribs).

wallace

Ezra
03-08-2012, 08:33 PM
My first pork butt, got the bone out from costco and thought I needed lots of heavy smoke...I call it black lung pork...

http://i1265.photobucket.com/albums/jj516/ezrawright/3362518111_6d3bbb67d6_z.jpg

BIGBrandon2785
03-08-2012, 10:10 PM
Last 4th of July I had 2 pits goin,my normal pit and somebody gave me a brinkmann smoker but it dident have the water pan.I load down the brinkmann with fatties and pork steaks and let it got for a bout 30 minutes.I looked out and the red brinkman was turning black.I go out and everything was burnt to a crisp.......................Luckly I bout 2 extra packs of steaks and put em on the other pit after the rest was done

buccaneer
03-09-2012, 01:31 AM
My worst cook was not the cooking one would think of.
I threw a party honouring someone, the captain of our rugby team.
He came over in the afternoon to help.
"Help" means to talk and drink and distract me.
I gave him small jobs of prep.
In the final stages of this Mexican feast prep, I had him de seed and dice finely some hot chilies and as guests started to arrive he went white as a ghost and clutched his manhood through his pants and whispered in desperation "ANTS!!!".
I looked at him and said "Whaaa?"
He screeched girly like
"Ants. Fire ants! They're biting into me" and dropped drawers and proceeded to tug himself left and right whilst slapping the area frantically.
The guests just stood there horrified, frozen like ice sculptures.
I didn't know what was going on .....and then two things struck me at once.
1) He had done the "man check and adjust" thing while his hands were covered with chilies.
2) The bastidge had then touched the chilies again and the chili was now all in the food.
We were just young men at the time so rather than get overcome with empathy I felt the need for vengeance on behalf of all about to eat.
I said" Mate, it is the capscain acids, the only way to stop them eating your manhood clean off is to rest said manhood and dangly parts in iced water until the acids are nullified."

Guests took turns going to the laundry and snapping pics of our hero, squatting naked, with his privates resting in an ice cream tub of iced water, all throughout the meal.
It was remembered as "The Night Simon Made Cojones Salsa Verde and Then Drowned the Quail"(Im done)

Skidder
03-09-2012, 02:06 AM
Who says you can't cook chicken quarters all night long. I'd have to disagree cause here's proof you can. I did ribs the same way once too.
http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q64/Skidder1/chix001.jpg

Norm
03-09-2012, 06:09 AM
My worst was when I first got a cheap gas grill from a box store. Figured chicken hindquarters would be an easy cook to break it in. Unfortunately for us I started drinking some beer and forgot about them cooking. Came outside and the grill is literally on fire with flames coming out from under the lid. I shut it off and opened it up to see what looked like lumps of charcoal sitting there. They were so bad that the dog would not eat them and the grill was ruined from over heating. I went back to using my kettles after that!

Big slick
03-09-2012, 06:31 AM
I've yet to really have a bad smoke. I've had a few briskets that were tough, but I don't think that was due to my cooking and more of meat issue because later I was able to tenderize the meal by cooking it longer in the oven the next day.

I have made some pretty crappy things on the kitchen side. For example crabmeat Alfredo. Sounds good right? Well it would've been had we tasted the crab before we added it all to the pasta. Tasted like low tide and Alfredo sauce. It was horrible!

The fatty has to be my least favorite thing that I've smoked, but I can't say it was bad just not my favorite.

ThatsWhatSheSaidBBQ
03-09-2012, 06:54 AM
ok...the spam treats are enough to make a man hurl...but rotting meat that looks like it's oozing yellow puss really turns my stomach! I'm lovin' this...

Even the cardboard looking burgers and the chicken thigh jerky is too amazin'

Camille Eonich
03-09-2012, 01:50 PM
I have never cooked beef ribs before, well except for once and that's because I thought that I was cooking pork ribs, don't ask.:mad:

The flavor wasn't too bad, when you could chew them

tnjimbob
03-09-2012, 02:16 PM
boiled ribs in beer/water, then grilled over not fully ready Match Light.

Ever had yeasty, charcoal lighter fluid flavored BB's? I don't recommend them, even for people you don't like. Had I known that I was cooking those ribs for my soon to be ex-inlaws, I wouldn't have felt quite so bad about how they turned out. :twisted:

That was several years ago when I thought I knew what I was doing and long before I discovered this and other forums.

PitRow
03-09-2012, 03:36 PM
here's my worst ever, from New Years Eve this year



Well that sucked....
Fired up the old Bandera and put some abts and moink balls in for tonights festivities. Went back in the house to make some sauce for the moinks. A while later the wife comes in from smoking and says you're smoking up the neighborhood. So I go out to check, huge grease fire. Everything is ruined and the garage and attic are full of smoke that came in through the eve. Guess I should be glad it wasn't worse but it sure sucks to lose that much food and effort. I'll be spending tomorrow giving the Bandera a good cleaning.

I should have gotten a picture of it. Everything inside was a nasty soot covered mess, and the stuff on the lower racks was well into the charcoal stage.