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Unread 10-29-2010, 11:46 AM   #1
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Default Cooking with the Master: Bread, Episode IX

What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: Bread, Episode IX”

Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by sous chefs Gore and Ninja Squirrel, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is Bread! Bread is such a controversial food. For many, no meal is complete without it. For others, bread is ... brownies?

[Tittering from the audience]

And still for others, bread is just a tool used to hold the meat. This latter group would be just as happy to give it to the squirrels.

I (Gore): Pigeons Master, definitely we do not feed the squirrels.

Master:… or pigeons, … apparently. In this episode I plan to present to you a recipe for bread that everyone can enjoy, from the lover of fine French bread, to even the happy carnivore.

I (Gore): Oooo, le pain de sty, Master? Shall I get the ingredients?

Master: No Gore, today we will not be making my famous le pain de sty. This is something quite different. And the ingredients I have right here.



I (Gore): But Master, that is already a loaf of bread. I do not understand.

Master: Gore, I will demonstrate, through the wonders of the BBQ, how this simple loaf of bread can be transformed into something that even you can enjoy! First, as you can see we break it into small pieces and then place them on an ordinary cookie sheet. Then, we place them into our smoker and dry these bread crumbs completely.



I (Gore): We are making croutons for our salad with fruits de sty? That will be very nice, Master.

No Gore, for that I would season the bread crumbs with Foil Hat Rub. When these breadcrumbs are completely dried, we place them in a pot of boiling water.



[Audience gasps]

I (Gore): Looks very appetizing, Master [rolls eyes]. I’m sure that all the carnivores will enjoy very much to have a bowl of breadcrumb soup with their pulled pork. Can I have some crackers in mine?

Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak!

Narrator translates: I think the pigeons will like my bowl very much!

[Audience, Gore and Ninja Squirrel laugh]

Master: Patience please! This dish is not ready! After boiling the dried breadcrumbs for a couple minutes we turn off the heat and wait until it cools. I have here some that I made last night. Now we simply sieve the mixture, saving the liquid.



We dissolve a cup of sugar in some hot water and add it to the liquid.



And we prepare some yeast, adding it to some warm water with a spoonful of sugar to get it activated. It just so happens that I have some Nottingham yeast in the fridge, but I think any yeast would be fine.



When this is activated, I stir it into the liquid. The next day, I sieve the mixture one more time and pour it into bottles. I have added a couple of raisins to each, and to some I have added some fresh mint leaves.



It is important that the bottles not be sealed tightly. In about 3-5 days, the liquid should clear and when the raisins float to the top, we can put these in the fridge, and they are ready to drink.

I (Gore): Drink, Master?

Yes Gore, this drink is very ancient and is still very popular in throughout Russian and eastern Europe where it is considered a softdrink called Kvass. Of course, they do not smoke their bread beforehand and more typically use a dark bread.



And it appears Ninja Squirrel will not be feeding his to the pigeons afterall. Please be aware that because of the yeast and sugar, this drink will be slightly alcoholic. Probably it will not be noticeable, unless you drink to excess.



Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak?

Narrator translates: Hey Baby, you're lookin' gooood, do you come here often?

Master: Gore, perhaps you should call a taxi for that squirrel.



Looks like we're too late.

[Laughter from audience]

Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes described in the entry threads. The recipes and views expressed on “Cooking with the Master” do not necessarily represent those of the BBQ Brethren, Gore, Q-Talk, or Ninja Squirrel.

I (Gore): That’s a wrap!
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Unread 10-29-2010, 11:55 AM   #2
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I love drinking bread! That looks...interesting. Does it taste yeasty? It looks like early harvest wines I have made...
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Unread 10-29-2010, 12:21 PM   #3
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Hmmm, I see an empty pot, did I get an after shot? Where is my bottle? Who just happens to have Nottingham Yeast in the fridge?
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Unread 10-29-2010, 12:51 PM   #4
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Eating bread is so 80's. Love your creation and ninja squirrel will feel better in a few days im sure.
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Unread 10-29-2010, 01:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by landarc View Post
Hmmm, I see an empty pot, did I get an after shot? Where is my bottle? Who just happens to have Nottingham Yeast in the fridge?
Um... Me.
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Unread 10-29-2010, 01:27 PM   #6
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Interesting! Taste comparison?
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Unread 10-29-2010, 01:30 PM   #7
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Gore, you've done it again!
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Unread 10-29-2010, 02:44 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigabyte View Post
I love drinking bread! That looks...interesting. Does it taste yeasty? It looks like early harvest wines I have made...
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluetang View Post
Interesting! Taste comparison?
I didn't find it yeasty. This did have an underlying bread taste, but that's not the dominant flavor. There is also a bit of a tang, sort of like a pepsi or coke tang, but probably a bit closer to ginger ale in feel, more similar to a softdrink than beer. More typically these are made with dark rye breads and the flavor is quite a bit better. Also, this was smoked way too long. Like an idiot, I dried the breadcrumbs on my ceramic (every recipe I checked said 45-60 minutes at 200*). Well, I hadn't considered that the ceramic produces a very moist heat and this didn't occur to me until after 2 hours, at which point I increased the heat and opened her up. The smokiness was not as dominant as I would've expected though. I would like to try this again with rye bread. Phubar might comment as he had some in Kyiv.

Quote:
Originally Posted by landarc View Post
Hmmm, I see an empty pot, did I get an after shot? Where is my bottle? Who just happens to have Nottingham Yeast in the fridge?
Sorry, that empty pot has sugar syrup in it -- not really sure why it's needed, but the director must've thought so. C'mon Bob, I know you've got Nottingham yeast in your fridge -- and you probably don't want to know what others I have in mine.
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Unread 10-29-2010, 03:00 PM   #9
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Near Beer...
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Unread 10-29-2010, 03:11 PM   #10
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I see Ninja had the straw @ his throat. Does he have a Tracheostomy now.
Very creative Thanks
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Unread 10-29-2010, 10:21 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by {Midnight ☼ Smoke} View Post
Near Beer...
Much tastier actually.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big George's BBQ View Post
I see Ninja had the straw @ his throat. Does he have a Tracheostomy now.
Very creative Thanks
No, Ninja took the straw out so he could hit on the bar maids at that point. Ninja may be talented in the kitchen, but he's no ventriloquist.
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Unread 10-29-2010, 10:32 PM   #12
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I shan't ask what other yeasts you have in your fridge then. Hmmm, shan't does not set off spell check, odd. I actually mostly brew with an odd amalgamation of house yeast that was originally a California ale yeast.
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Unread 10-29-2010, 11:45 PM   #13
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You should invite Ninja Squirrel to the Penalty Box... he'd have a blast!
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Unread 10-30-2010, 12:36 AM   #14
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You know what I could really love about this? It just takes a few days to make. And here I've been all thrilled about drinking Skeeter Pee because you can make it in just a couple weeks. Now this.

What if you make it with Cranbery/Cardamom Sweet Potato Crescent Rolls?
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Unread 10-30-2010, 10:35 AM   #15
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It has been made in jails by saving breads and fruits from meals and placed in sinks to ferment. Don't ask how I know this.
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