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Old 05-26-2010, 01:54 PM   #1
somebody shut me the fark up.
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Join Date: 05-10-06
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Default My take on Fast Food Ribs...

I have really been longing to make a visit to Burger King to savor some of their new BBQ Pork Ribs, but I have been so busy I have not been able to take the time to get fast food.

I find myself wondering how they make their ribs. I mean, when I make ribs, it takes several hours, yet Burger King is fast food, meaning they will get your food to you in a minute or two. Their motto is "Have it your way", so if I want I should be able to custom order my ribs, like say "Hold the mustard slather and sauce" or something like that.

So the King must be making their ribs in minutes, not hours. My first thought was naturally that these must not be "real ribs" and are probably something like a McRib from McDonalds. However, I have read the news stories and seen the pictures. These are real pork ribs with bones in them! This is when I realized that those ribs are going to suck, like really suck, bad. You can't cook a real pork rib that fast. You can reheat one, but please, let's not go there.

So I began wondering if I was the Burger King, what kind of fast food ribs would I make at my restaurant? This is the result of that wondering.

Since I am making my ribs from scratch, and not making "real pork ribs", I have a lot of creative leeway.

First I arranged the "bones" like so...

Then I applied the pork "rib meat". This is a blend of spicy and mild.

I decided I would give these ribs a mustard slather, everyone knows pork ribs use a mustard slather, right?

I gave it some Ployboy's Bovine Bold rub because it seemed fitting with this being about Burger King and all, and the use of Bovine Bold will make customers wonder if they are eating pork ribs or beef ribs, which is always a good idea.

Since Burger King flame-broils their food, I figured I would replicate this by grilling offset on my kettle. I put the ribs on meat side up. I could have put it meat side down, but figured the meat might stick to the bones better if cooked this way.

Here they are a few minutes in...

And a few minutes later (notice the pig honey).

At this point I decided to flip them. I lost some rub and slater during the flipping on the meat side due to my flipping technique, so i may have to sauce them up real good to fix the appearance. Anyway, here's the bone side...

A few minuntes later and they were 165 (they were coming up to temp when I snapped this). I figure if chicken ribs are done at 165, then these should be ready to go.

So here they are right off the grill (notice the pullback)...

And here they are sliced...

I arranged this so you can see the interior meat. Also, I did not cut clean between the bones on one rib and wound up slicing through the bone, as you can see right there. On the right is a piece I sampled. The meat comes off the bone clean, but does not fall off the bone.

I ate a couple ribs and was stuffed! After I thought about it I figured out why...each rib is just about 1/2 pound of meat!

I think the bones could be improved. They were the least tasty part of the ribs. The meat was great however, so as long as you don't eat the bones I think you will be very pleased with these ribs. And they were done in just minutes!

Thanks for checking out my ribs.
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Old 05-26-2010, 01:58 PM   #2
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That is cool and makes me want to to some thing similar
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:02 PM   #3
somebody shut me the fark up.

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Wow! Just farking wow! The level of your posts rivals Gore in creativity and thought. I am impressed with the pull back and clean bone though. In a comp, I think I would have given you a 7, it lacked shine, perhaps a glaze would have helped.
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Thanks from:--->
Old 05-26-2010, 02:03 PM   #4
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I don't even know what to say. That is the best post I've ever seen!
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:06 PM   #5
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:18 PM   #6
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Could this be the next ABT, or dare I say it, MOINK ball?
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:22 PM   #7
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:32 PM   #8
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Patent pending??
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:36 PM   #9
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Wow, this thread is full of WIN! So umm, how did they taste? Fall off the bone or was there some pull to them?

I give them a 7 due to the color and lack of good smoke ring.
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:36 PM   #10
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You forgot to drown them in sauce...
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:39 PM   #11
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Simply amazing!
I wonder how those would fare in a sausage, or anything-but category in a competition?
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:40 PM   #12
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I love it. No doubt way better than the ribs at BK.
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:42 PM   #13
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Classic! Great post.
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Old 05-26-2010, 02:52 PM   #14
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Total win! I'm with FattyMac- this could easily be the next Big Thing! And I'm bettin' my boys would be deeeelighted with them thar ribs...mebbe Italian sweet links w/ spicy ground...?
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Old 05-26-2010, 03:03 PM   #15
somebody shut me the fark up.

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Easily rivaling your All American Burger Rant. Nicely done.

Sauce would have definitely helped in your presentation, but I give no score because I am not a sanctioned judge.
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