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Old 05-06-2012, 08:18 PM   #1
Gore
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Default Cooking with the Master: Episode XVII, for the Vegetarian

What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: for the Vegetarian, Episode XVII”

I (Gore): Wow, they've really put a lot of money into the new sets.

Master: We've had higher ratings with the new format and viewership is way up.

I (Gore): Who'd have thought there would be so much interest in tilapia?

Narrator: Filming in 5...4...3...2...1...

Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by sous chefs Gore and Ninja Squirrel, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is "for the vegetarian." Recently there have been many inquiries into what to cook for that special guest who does not eat meat. Today we will address this dilemma by making that special meal that any vegetarian would truly love.

I (Gore): Chicken, Master?

Master: No Gore, despite having a brain comparable to that of a head of lettuce, most people do still consider chickens to be animals.

I (Gore): Steak?

Master: I can see I'm going to need some assistance. Gore, can you pull the lever on the transmorgraphier please.

[sparks and smoke]



Narrator: Audience, please welcome, Bigabyte!

[Cheers from the audience]

Great to have you with us, Mr. Byte. Tonight's episode is on vegetarianism, and we'd like to make something for that guest who doesn't eat meat. I brought you here as an expert and would like your help.

Bigabyte: Uhhhhhhhh....

Master: Gore, what is wrong with him?

I (Gore): Hold on a second, Gunter has been using a mind-control device on him. Here [fiddles with device], that ought to do it!

Bigabyte: ... Tilapia ... Tilapia ... Tilapia....

Master: Gore, are you sure he's in his right mind now?

I (Gore): Positive.

Master: Ok then, I'll just go on without his assistance. Well, for our lesson today, we're going to use tofu!



[Moans from the audience]

I realize that most of your experience with tofu has been in the form of a tasteless blob, but most vegetarians have forgotten what good food tastes like!

[laughs from audience]

In all seriousness, tofu is an amazing medium.

[more laughs from audience]

I (Gore): [Aside to audience] That's not supposed to be a joke. If you want to get paid, we need your cooperation.

Master: It takes on the flavors of what it is cooked with. If you prepare and season it well, you can make wonderful dishes.

Bigabyte: Can we cook it with a steak?

[cheers from audience]

Master: No, we're going to make it even better! The first thing we do is to prepare the tofu by draining and squeezing the water out of it. We weight it down as Ninja Squirrel demonstrates:



When it is drained, we marinate the tofu with a heavy dose of EVOO, adobo seasoning and some lime juice:



We coat the tofu on both sides and let it soak up the flavor:



Now we get serious with the vegetables:

Biggie: Eggplant, mmmmm, eggplant!

That's right! Biggie, can you prepare the eggplant, please? We cut it into slices and salt it. After half an hour or so, we rinse it off, dry it and coat it with EVOO:



Now we can grill that eggplant and tofu hot and fast!



Of course it helps to have a flavor burst! I prefer some salsa and avocado!

I (Gore): Avocado, Master? I didn't pick any up at the store.

No problem, Gore. Pull the lever! We can get our avocado fresh from California!

[Sparks and smoke]



I (Gore): Milton?

Master: Ninja Squirrel will now demonstrate how to prepare an avocado.



Milton: Aaaaaaaah!

[Cheers from the audience]

I (Gore): I really didn't need to see that.

Master: And now fully assembled, we have our Tofu Taco!



[Audience cheers]

Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes described in the entry threads. The recipes and views expressed on “Cooking with the Master” do not necessarily represent those of the BBQ Brethren, Gore, Q-Talk, or Ninja Squirrel. Note that all characters in this episode are purely fictional, and any resemblance to actual Brethren is purely coincidental.

Biggie: You have to pay your audience? ... Seriously?

I (Gore): That’s a wrap!
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:22 PM   #2
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thats some funny chit there
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:40 PM   #3
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Hilarious lol. What kind of knife is that? Looks a shun handle and damascus.
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:47 PM   #4
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Brilliant!
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Old 05-06-2012, 08:56 PM   #5
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What's a vegetarian
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Old 05-06-2012, 09:16 PM   #6
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Thank goodness you pulled the right lever!

Sent from my Reynold's Foil Hat using Boil-A-Rib 2
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Old 05-07-2012, 04:00 AM   #7
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Sick,sick man you...
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Old 05-07-2012, 05:46 AM   #8
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That looks so good, you should really have skipped those ribs ecode made!

Cheers!

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Old 05-07-2012, 05:21 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TonyT View Post
Hilarious lol. What kind of knife is that? Looks a shun handle and damascus.
Ninja always has been partial to our Shuns.
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"I love everything about the pig, even the way she walks." -- Spanish proverb
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(='.'=) This is the rabbit baby. Invests him in yours signature,
(")_(") and the help rabbit baby takes over control of the world!
Hmmmm, I wonder, WWGALD? Avatar courtesy of Grillman and NorthwestBBQ

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Old 05-08-2012, 07:49 AM   #10
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As always, great stuff!
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:29 AM   #11
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Man, this is great! Great story and result :-)
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:47 AM   #12
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Just wondering how eggplant would work as a taco shell - or would that be inauthentic?


***on edit***

Oh - that is farking eggplant. Farking 1980's......
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Last edited by gtr; 05-08-2012 at 01:08 PM.. Reason: burnt brain cells
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Old 05-08-2012, 09:48 AM   #13
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So Gore.... inquiring minds want to know if you (or heck, anybody for that matter) did, indeed, consume the imitation taco.

And were you able to hold it down???
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Old 05-08-2012, 01:03 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grabnabber View Post
So Gore.... inquiring minds want to know if you (or heck, anybody for that matter) did, indeed, consume the imitation taco.

And were you able to hold it down???
In truth, yes, I did eat a good portion of it. To get the eggplant to hold the shape it was undercooked. I really like grilled eggplant and it is something we regularly cook, but this was not particularly good. The tofu was good and the avocado also was good. If I wasn't dieting, I would've put melted cheese on it, and that would've helped tremendously. As it was, that taco had some pretty stiff competition that my wife made for the "Man vs Food" TD -- you can read about it here:
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/sh...&postcount=200



In the end, we actually did eat the avocado and tofu out of it. Considering what it was up against, I'd have to call that a win.
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"I love everything about the pig, even the way she walks." -- Spanish proverb
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(='.'=) This is the rabbit baby. Invests him in yours signature,
(")_(") and the help rabbit baby takes over control of the world!
Hmmmm, I wonder, WWGALD? Avatar courtesy of Grillman and NorthwestBBQ

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Old 05-08-2012, 01:05 PM   #15
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...shoudla made tofu and avocado ribs...
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