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Q-talk *ON TOPIC ONLY* QUALITY ON TOPIC discussion of Backyard BBQ, grilling, Equipment and just outdoor cookin' in general, hints, tips, tricks & techniques, success, failures... but stay on topic. And watch for that hijacking.


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Unread 05-04-2012, 10:02 PM   #1
bigabyte
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Default Cooking with the King: Episode XVI - Hot and Large

What follows is a recording made by the FCC of an unauthorized pirate transmission over United States airwaves, which is currently under investigation

Gunter: (in mid sentence) vy zee fark I am doink zis but...ZUT ALOR! Herr King, vee are on zee air!

(music starts playing and a huge array of lights shine down on this guy...)



Camel-Toe Elvis: Thank you, thank you very much! Welcome to Cooking with the King, a show about eating...I mean...a show about cooking! Mama, I sure do love the eating part of the show though. I... am Camel-Toe Elvis, uh-uh-huhh!

(music gets louder and CT Elvis starts dancing)

CT Elvis: Tonight we're brigning to you folks my own special talent, Hot and Large! Normally, I'm just naturally that way, but tonight we're going to make a meal fit for...The King!

(more music and more gyrating)

CT Elvis: Of course, all of this is made possible with the help of my friends here, Gunter who knows all the doo-hickeys and all that stuff, and bigabyte who is under mind control from all that techno stuff and will be doing the cooking for me. Say hello Gunter.

Gunter: Hallo! Eet eez un honor to...

CT Elvis: ...and biggy, give a shout out to all the lovely ladies!

Bigabyte: Uhhhhhhhhhh............

CT Elvis: Gunter, that bigabyte fella, he just made a strange sound. Are you sure he is all hypno-whatever and all that stuff?

Gunter: Ja, he eez koompleetly oonter our kontrol. He juz seems to mek ze strange noizes vizout any varning vootzoeffer.

CT Elvis: Uhh, hey uh, Gunter, you know, that sure is one funny voice you have there. Are you sure you're from All State? Oh, never mind, we have a performance to do.

CT Elvis: Tonight we're going to fix up a down home favorite of mine, a Pork Chop. Oh yeah baby, a hunk a hunk of lovely pork! (more dancing)

CT Elvis: Bigabyte, go get the pork!



CT Elvis: Now a lot of people cut their pork chops into puny little 1-1/2 inch think slices, but not The King baby! Bigabyte, cut me a 2 inch chop from the thick end over there, and cut the rest into those deli thin 1-1/2 inch wafers.



CT Elvis: Now give that baby a good hot rub, with some Keith's Farm hot rub from that other guy from Memphis, but kick it up with some habanero powder!



Gunter: Herr King, all zat meat, I sink it might be a goot idea to get ze fiber from some fruits unt vegetables.

CT Elvis: Why that's exactly what I had in mind and why I brought these here peaches!



CT Elvis: Bigabyte, pit, peel and slice those peaches and put them in a packet of foil with a big ol' helping of brown sugar, butter and a couple splashes of bourbon!

Gunter: Err...Herr King, I sink you coult use some more plants...

CT Elvis: Bigabyte! Grab me couple of them apples!



CT Elvis: Now biggy, peel and slice those apples and put them in a packet of foil with a big ol' helping of brown sugar, butter and a couple splashes of bourbon!

Gunter: Herr King, um, I do not sink zat zees eez healthy vizzout ze vegetables...

CT Elvis: Bigster, grab some mini Sweet Peppers!



CT Elvis: Mr. Big here inspired me with his Pecan Pig from a couple years back, so I wanted to try something inspired from that heavenly creation. Biggy, fill the peppers with some Pecan Pie and a dab of Cream Cheese!



Gunter: Eetz no vunder you look like zat...

CT Elvis: Now biggy, let's give these things some good southern lovin', and cap those peppers with some Sausage and wrap 'em up in a blanket of bacon!



Gunter: You are goink to grow a third toe. I sink you should at least haf a salad too.

CT Elvis: Don't worry, we have salad all ready to go. Now put all that stuff on the grill!



CT Elvis: Now ladies, and especially the single ladies, let me sing a song about...

Gunter: Herr King, eet eez done!

CT Elvis: What do you mean, how can that be? You're pulling my leg, right?

Gunter: Look!



CT Elvis: Whoa mama! Is that a bourbon glaze on the Pork Chop and the Peppers?

Gunter: Zees eez your idea of a salad?

CT Elvis: Ladies and gentlemen, since this is the "Hot and Large" Throwdown, my challenge to myself is to eat this entire plate in less than 15 seconds. Let me just pull this giant switch here to dim the lights and set the mood...

Gunter: NEIN! Not zat leever!
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ZAP!
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CT Elvis: WHOA MAMA!!!

Gunter: Vy ze fark eez eet zat always happens...

CT Elvis: Hey now, I like a good grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich, but I'm not touching that taco, no way! In fact, I'm outta here!

Gunter: Ladies unt gentlemen, Camel-Toe haz left ze buildink. Hey, vait for me! (runs quickly after CT Elvis)
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Duh.
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Unread 05-04-2012, 10:08 PM   #2
landarc
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Do you own stocks in a farking tilapia farm? Nuce pork chop.




Trout!
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Unread 05-04-2012, 10:42 PM   #3
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How come you didn't put cheese on that taco?
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Unread 05-04-2012, 10:45 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose View Post
How come you didn't put cheese on that taco?
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Unread 05-05-2012, 01:04 AM   #5
landarc
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I have a new theory, that there is only one tilapia, that there has only ever been one tilapia in Bigabyte's house. And that he has been washing and reusing said whole smoked tilapia for weeks now. That he forgot the bacon on top of the fridge, cause he was moving his tilapia around to make room.


Trout!
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the meat thermometer was so far past the top reading, it read Taylor

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Unread 05-05-2012, 01:22 AM   #6
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Amazing pics biggy! Check out Tortelvis of Dread Zeppelin. He's a fat Elvis impersonator who does Led Zeppelin songs.

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Unread 05-05-2012, 05:24 AM   #7
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Coffee shooting out zee nose hilarious.

Top notch...top notch.
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Unread 05-05-2012, 05:58 AM   #8
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Does the king have a camel toe?
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Unread 05-05-2012, 06:08 AM   #9
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I gotta try those powerfull purdy porked pecan pie peppers, Pronto!
Thank you thank you very much~
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Unread 05-05-2012, 08:05 AM   #10
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Honestly, I liked the Pecan Pig, which was a bacon wrapped, pecan pie filled fatty. In the peppers however, I thought the pecan nuts clashed with the pepper.

Sent from my Reynold's Foil Hat using Boil-A-Rib 2
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Unread 05-05-2012, 08:21 AM   #11
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Whoa Mama! Now zat eez ein taco! ... and I think that strange sound you're making is this...


Wow!
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Unread 05-05-2012, 08:53 AM   #12
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I'm sure there's some funny stuff and food and all of that in your post, Chris, but my mind shut off after the picture of CT Elvis. Couldn't you channel CT Marilyn Monroe instead?

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Unread 05-05-2012, 02:35 PM   #13
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[quote=landarc;2042789]I have a new theory, that there is only one tilapia, that there has only ever been one tilapia in Bigabyte's house. And that he has been washing and reusing said whole smoked tilapia for weeks now. That he forgot the bacon on top of the fridge, cause he was moving his tilapia around to make room.[QUOTE]
As a matter of fact, I think I was adjusting my fish at the time...

Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthwestBBQ View Post
Amazing pics biggy! Check out Tortelvis of Dread Zeppelin. He's a fat Elvis impersonator who does Led Zeppelin songs.
I wonder if it's the same guy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gore View Post
Whoa Mama! Now zat eez ein taco! ... and I think that strange sound you're making is this...
What noise?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron_L View Post
I'm sure there's some funny stuff and food and all of that in your post, Chris, but my mind shut off after the picture of CT Elvis. Couldn't you channel CT Marilyn Manson instead?
I'm not sure there is anything there...in either Marilyn form, or Gaga form...

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Unread 05-05-2012, 04:05 PM   #14
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after that last two photos, I'm a little shell shocked and can't remember what I was going to say.... that's bad. really bad.
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