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Q-talk *ON TOPIC ONLY* QUALITY ON TOPIC discussion of Backyard BBQ, grilling, Equipment and just outdoor cookin' in general, hints, tips, tricks & techniques, success, failures... but stay on topic. And watch for that hijacking.


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Old 03-30-2012, 06:58 PM   #1
bigabyte
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Default Cooking with the Master: Episode XIV, Remote Cooking

What follows is a recording made by the FCC of an unauthorized pirate transmission over United States airwaves, which is currently under investigation

Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by my temporary technical assistant Gunter and my newly acquired mind-controlled sous chef bigabyte, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is Remote Cooking; specifically making BBQ food in one part of the world, and using my own new technology to instantly transport that delicious food to people in another part of the world, who otherwise would not be able to eat BBQ...or even another part of the universe entirely!

Gunter: Herr Master, bigabyte hass prepared ze fire as eenstrookted.

Master: Exxcccccellent! By now my trusty assistant Gore has properly prepared the remote receiving device, as I so precisely instructed earlier.

Bigabyte: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Master: Gunter, are you absolutely sure we have bigabyte completely under our control?

Gunter: Vizzout any doubts vootzoever, zere iss no vay hiss foil kan weeztand our Kool-Aid Jammers....err...oops, I mean, our mental powers are to stronk for heem to rezist! He just seems to make zat sound a lot. Joost eegnore it.

Master: Gunter, that accent...tell me...are you really from Alsace? On second thought, never mind, let's get on with the show.

Master: First, before showing off my new device that will revolutionize the food delivery service, let's get bigabyte to make some food. Bigabyte! Please butterfly a beef tenderloin and fill it with a mushroom and blue cheese mixture, using mushrooms sauteed with a merlot and beef broth.




Gunter: Vow, hiss knife skills are very soospeckt.

Master: Indeed.

Gunter: Herr Master, don't forget ze bacon!

Master: Don't be foolish, I would never forget the bacon! Bigabyte, the bacon please!



Master: Now bigabyte will cook this on his kettle grill.


Master: While that is cooking, let me begin to describe to you the revolutionary technology I have developed that will allow this food to be instantly transported from this location, directly to Gore at a secret, remote location tucked away somewhere in either Europe or Eastern Tennessee. This technology is designed using...

Gunter: Herr Master, eet eez done!

Master: What? That's impossible! Nothing can go that fast, not even light!

Gunter: Look Herr Master!


Master: Amazing! Gore and Ninja Squirrel never cook that fast!

Gunter: Ja, but Gore never follows your eenstrucktionz perfectly.

Master: This is very true. In that case, turn on the transporter device! By this time, Gore should have turned on the receiver on his end, and is prepared to receive the food.

Gunter: Ze device iz ready Herr Master.

Master: Now, place the food within range of the beam.


Master: And now my mind-controlled servant bigabyte shall pull the lever that will trigger the beam and transport this food to Gore!

ZAP!



Master: FARK!

Gunter: I don't sink it vorked right.

Master: Well, at least Gore won't go to hell today. Quickly, we better leave, move quietly and act like nothing happened...

Gunter: Zat's a wrap!
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:15 PM   #2
Boshizzle
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Nice bacon wrapped stuffed tenderloin! The fish sammy, I'm not sure about that one.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:07 PM   #3
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Are you sure that's the right kind of cheese?
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:10 PM   #4
bigabyte
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gtr View Post
Are you sure that's the right kind of cheese?
That's true...McDonald's uses a smaller rectangular shaped piece of cheese. This cheese was square shaped, and much more substantial.

Oh well. I can still hold out hope for a zero!
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:36 AM   #5
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I think this is the only time I can say that I wish Ninja had been there to make sure things didn't get farked up.
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:00 AM   #6
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Sehr schon Bruder Bigabyte!
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:33 AM   #7
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Nice job!

Bob
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:42 AM   #8
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Thanks for the laugh
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