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BBQ Brethren Throwdowns Join us in the backyard for a fun weekly contest and show off your BBQ creations! New categories are posted each week. Winners earn bragging rights, a Throwdown Certificate, and the chance to choose the next week's category. Fun people only please! If you take this too seriously you will have to leave the party until you are fun again.


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Old 06-23-2011, 09:48 PM   #1
bigabyte
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Exclamation BBQ Brethren "Declaration of Meatloaf-Dependence" Throwdown!

When in the Course of BBQ Throwdowns it becomes necessary for one people to mix the various ingredients to become connected with meat to assume among the cookers of the backyard, the tasty and filling meal to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to declaring a Meatloaf Throwdown.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all meats are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain binding agents, that among these are eggs, crackers and the starchy things of might. — That to secure these meats, Meatloaves are instituted among smokers, deriving their just powers from the caress of the thin blue, — That whenever any fire of hardwood becomes applied of these ends, it is the Right of the People to share and to devour it, and to institute large bellies, laying its foundation on such waistlines and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Meatloaves long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that meatloaves are more disposed to suffer, while ovens are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such cooking practices, and to provide new recipes for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Members; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Meatloavery. The history of the past meatloaves of Betty Crocker is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over ones taste. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf recipe has yet to attain a populist Assent to smoke, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf recipe has forbidden its chefs to use ingredients of amazing and creative substance, unless suspended in their gelatinous mass populist Assent still remains; and when so suspended, it has been slathered with ketchup or other such vulgarities.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf recipe has refused an economy of scale for the accommodation of large gatherings of people, unless those people would make lots of individual meatloaves, a right inestimable to them and partial to tyrants only.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has called together various movements at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public facilities, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into clenching with heft so might.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has evolved peoples disdain repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness it's invasions on the tastebuds of the people.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf recipe has inhibited for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elated, whereby the Meaty Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their delight; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the hungers of either doing without, or convulsions within.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf recipe has endeavoured to prevent the creation of improved meatloaf; for that purpose obstructing the minds of the Naturalized and Foreigners; refusing to peruse others to encourage their creations hither, and raising the conditions of Meatloaviness of the Land.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has obstructed the Administration of Justice by being rather sucky.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has made Judges dependent on it's standard alone for the judgement of other meatloaves, and the amount and shape of their recipes.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has erected a multitude of Anti-Meatloavers, and sent hither swarms of haters to harass our people and eat out at fast food places.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has kept among us, in times of satiation, remaining leftovers without the intent to put in our refrigerators.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has affected to render the Military dependent on a very poor freeze dried packaged meatloaf of vastly inferior quality, but not quite as bad as some of the other offerings depending on how low your tastes have sunken.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has combined with cookie cutter cookbooks to subject us to a texture foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by natural laws; giving Assent to their Acts of pretended Foodstuffs:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us: (OK, maybe not quite that far)

For cooking them, in a mock roasting method in an oven which they should otherwise use for storing their BBQ utensils:

For cutting off tastes for meatloaf in all parts of the world:

For imposing Ketchup on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of cooking to a quality internal temperature:

For transporting us beyond sanity to be reused for cheap sandwiches:

For abolishing the free minds of innocent children at a neighbouring dinner table, establishing therein an Arbitrary abhorrence, and enlarging its stereotype so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for tossing into the garbage heap.

For wasting away our ground meat, abolishing our most valuable eggs and altering fundamentally the Forms of our loaf pans:

For suspending meat in stasis, and declaring itself invested with power to legislate for us all recipes whatsoever.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has abdicated BBQ here, by declaring us out of doors and waging crock pots against us. (I made that part up but thought it sounded good)

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has plundered our gullets, ravaged our intestines, burnt our behinds, and destroyed the plumbing of our houses.

Betty Crocker is at this time transporting large Armies of cloned Meatloaves to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of such a library of cookbooks.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf recipe has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive by simply not knowing any better to cry out against our kind, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, but they will fall themselves by their Hands.

The standard good old fashioned meatloaf has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our forums, the merciless Meatloaf Sandwiches whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished pile of starchy glop upon more starchy glop with a dash of gravy and/or ketchup.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A traditional recipe, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of ground meat bound together and cooked in a pan.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our brainwashed brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts to make stuff in the oven, to extend a welcome suggestion to smoke it or grill it instead. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as ribs boiled in liquid smoke in a crock port in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Moderators of the BBQ Brethren Throwdowns, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these forums, solemnly publish and declare, That this Special Throwdown is, and of Right ought to be BBQ's and Grilled Meatloaf, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the recipes of Betty Crocker, and that all culinary connection between them and the standard good old fashioned meatloaf, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Thinkers, they have full Power to grind meat, include flavorings, imbed binders, establish loaves, and to do all other Acts and Things which Makers of Meatloaves may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
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Duh.
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Old 06-23-2011, 09:54 PM   #2
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Good thing I took the Evelyn Wood speed reading course.
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Old 06-23-2011, 10:05 PM   #3
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In case anyone's looking for a good recipe, I found one here:

http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/...8-d252643ca66a
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Old 06-23-2011, 10:38 PM   #4
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Harumph! Harumph! Harumph!
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Duh.
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Old 06-24-2011, 08:36 AM   #5
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I'm not reading all of that...okay, yes I did! And it was farking funny!
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Old 06-24-2011, 08:42 AM   #6
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Fark........is this why you were away for so long?
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Old 06-24-2011, 11:17 AM   #7
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What's this Weeks ThrowDown?
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Old 06-24-2011, 11:18 AM   #8
Will work for bbq
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Does that description come in an audio book version???
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Old 06-24-2011, 12:25 PM   #9
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OK, I read this after mowing the lawn and slamming down a liter of power ade...I need a drink.
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Old 06-24-2011, 01:11 PM   #10
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Wow! Took my whole lunch break to read that.


I've done meatloaf twice. I haven't been too impressed with the results. I guess this is good reason to try again.
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Old 06-24-2011, 06:43 PM   #11
bigabyte
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deguerre View Post
...I need a drink.
How about a Sam Adams?
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Duh.
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Old 06-24-2011, 07:12 PM   #12
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Hmmm? Should I read "Declaration of Meatloaf-Dependence" or War and Peace?
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Old 06-24-2011, 07:22 PM   #13
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Just don't read it while you're smokin' unless you like things overcooked.
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Old 06-24-2011, 07:41 PM   #14
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Wow, now thats a rant...
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Old 06-24-2011, 08:16 PM   #15
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So what are the rules?
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