What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: Bread, Episode IX”
Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by sous chefs Gore and Ninja Squirrel, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is Bread! Bread is such a controversial food. For many, no meal is complete without it. For others, bread is ... brownies?
[Tittering from the audience]
And still for others, bread is just a tool used to hold the meat. This latter group would be just as happy to give it to the squirrels.
I (Gore): Pigeons Master, definitely we do not feed the squirrels.
Master:… or pigeons, … apparently. In this episode I plan to present to you a recipe for bread that everyone can enjoy, from the lover of fine French bread, to even the happy carnivore.
I (Gore): Oooo, le pain de sty, Master? Shall I get the ingredients?
Master: No Gore, today we will not be making my famous le pain de sty. This is something quite different. And the ingredients I have right here.
I (Gore): But Master, that is already a loaf of bread. I do not understand.
Master: Gore, I will demonstrate, through the wonders of the BBQ, how this simple loaf of bread can be transformed into something that even you can enjoy! First, as you can see we break it into small pieces and then place them on an ordinary cookie sheet. Then, we place them into our smoker and dry these bread crumbs completely.
I (Gore): We are making croutons for our salad with fruits de sty? That will be very nice, Master.
No Gore, for that I would season the bread crumbs with Foil Hat Rub. When these breadcrumbs are completely dried, we place them in a pot of boiling water.
[Audience gasps]
I (Gore): Looks very appetizing, Master [rolls eyes]. I’m sure that all the carnivores will enjoy very much to have a bowl of breadcrumb soup with their pulled pork. Can I have some crackers in mine?
Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak!
Narrator translates: I think the pigeons will like my bowl very much!
[Audience, Gore and Ninja Squirrel laugh]
Master: Patience please! This dish is not ready! After boiling the dried breadcrumbs for a couple minutes we turn off the heat and wait until it cools. I have here some that I made last night. Now we simply sieve the mixture, saving the liquid.
We dissolve a cup of sugar in some hot water and add it to the liquid.
And we prepare some yeast, adding it to some warm water with a spoonful of sugar to get it activated. It just so happens that I have some Nottingham yeast in the fridge, but I think any yeast would be fine.
When this is activated, I stir it into the liquid. The next day, I sieve the mixture one more time and pour it into bottles. I have added a couple of raisins to each, and to some I have added some fresh mint leaves.
It is important that the bottles not be sealed tightly. In about 3-5 days, the liquid should clear and when the raisins float to the top, we can put these in the fridge, and they are ready to drink.
I (Gore): Drink, Master?
Yes Gore, this drink is very ancient and is still very popular in throughout Russian and eastern Europe where it is considered a softdrink called Kvass. Of course, they do not smoke their bread beforehand and more typically use a dark bread.
And it appears Ninja Squirrel will not be feeding his to the pigeons afterall. Please be aware that because of the yeast and sugar, this drink will be slightly alcoholic. Probably it will not be noticeable, unless you drink to excess.
Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak?
Narrator translates: Hey Baby, you're lookin' gooood, do you come here often?
Master: Gore, perhaps you should call a taxi for that squirrel.
Looks like we're too late.
[Laughter from audience]
Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes described in the entry threads. The recipes and views expressed on “Cooking with the Master” do not necessarily represent those of the BBQ Brethren, Gore, Q-Talk, or Ninja Squirrel.
I (Gore): That’s a wrap!
Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by sous chefs Gore and Ninja Squirrel, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is Bread! Bread is such a controversial food. For many, no meal is complete without it. For others, bread is ... brownies?
[Tittering from the audience]
And still for others, bread is just a tool used to hold the meat. This latter group would be just as happy to give it to the squirrels.
I (Gore): Pigeons Master, definitely we do not feed the squirrels.
Master:… or pigeons, … apparently. In this episode I plan to present to you a recipe for bread that everyone can enjoy, from the lover of fine French bread, to even the happy carnivore.
I (Gore): Oooo, le pain de sty, Master? Shall I get the ingredients?
Master: No Gore, today we will not be making my famous le pain de sty. This is something quite different. And the ingredients I have right here.
I (Gore): But Master, that is already a loaf of bread. I do not understand.
Master: Gore, I will demonstrate, through the wonders of the BBQ, how this simple loaf of bread can be transformed into something that even you can enjoy! First, as you can see we break it into small pieces and then place them on an ordinary cookie sheet. Then, we place them into our smoker and dry these bread crumbs completely.
I (Gore): We are making croutons for our salad with fruits de sty? That will be very nice, Master.
No Gore, for that I would season the bread crumbs with Foil Hat Rub. When these breadcrumbs are completely dried, we place them in a pot of boiling water.
[Audience gasps]
I (Gore): Looks very appetizing, Master [rolls eyes]. I’m sure that all the carnivores will enjoy very much to have a bowl of breadcrumb soup with their pulled pork. Can I have some crackers in mine?
Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak!
Narrator translates: I think the pigeons will like my bowl very much!
[Audience, Gore and Ninja Squirrel laugh]
Master: Patience please! This dish is not ready! After boiling the dried breadcrumbs for a couple minutes we turn off the heat and wait until it cools. I have here some that I made last night. Now we simply sieve the mixture, saving the liquid.
We dissolve a cup of sugar in some hot water and add it to the liquid.
And we prepare some yeast, adding it to some warm water with a spoonful of sugar to get it activated. It just so happens that I have some Nottingham yeast in the fridge, but I think any yeast would be fine.
When this is activated, I stir it into the liquid. The next day, I sieve the mixture one more time and pour it into bottles. I have added a couple of raisins to each, and to some I have added some fresh mint leaves.
It is important that the bottles not be sealed tightly. In about 3-5 days, the liquid should clear and when the raisins float to the top, we can put these in the fridge, and they are ready to drink.
I (Gore): Drink, Master?
Yes Gore, this drink is very ancient and is still very popular in throughout Russian and eastern Europe where it is considered a softdrink called Kvass. Of course, they do not smoke their bread beforehand and more typically use a dark bread.
And it appears Ninja Squirrel will not be feeding his to the pigeons afterall. Please be aware that because of the yeast and sugar, this drink will be slightly alcoholic. Probably it will not be noticeable, unless you drink to excess.
Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak?
Narrator translates: Hey Baby, you're lookin' gooood, do you come here often?
Master: Gore, perhaps you should call a taxi for that squirrel.
Looks like we're too late.
[Laughter from audience]
Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes described in the entry threads. The recipes and views expressed on “Cooking with the Master” do not necessarily represent those of the BBQ Brethren, Gore, Q-Talk, or Ninja Squirrel.
I (Gore): That’s a wrap!
