Cooking with the Master: Episode XIX, Italian

Gore · 01-29-2013, 09:21 PM

What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: Italian, Episode XIX”

I (Gore): Wow, what's going on? It looks like we're filming a new episode. I thought we jumped the shark?

Master: Correction, Gore, we almost jumped the shark. You may recall in the last episode that just as we were about to jump the shark, the captain threw the wrong lever, and the shark turned into a SPAMfish. We never actually jumped it. However, just at that critical moment, Ninja Squirrel's younger brother Smokey turned on the transmorgraphier and beamed us all back here to the lab. All of us, except poor Ninja, of course.

I (Gore): Yes, I understand that, but we appear to be filming an episode.

Master: That is correct! Unbeknownst to all of us, Ninja had taken out a $10 million traveler's insurance policy with Smokey as beneficiary. With those funds, Smokey has purchased the rights to "Cooking with the Master," bought the castle, and we start filming our first episode on brand new sets.

I (Gore): That's very curious. I never knew Ninja had a younger brother and when did he learn how to operate the transmorgraphier?

Narrator: Filming in 5...4...3...2...1...

Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by my co-chef Smokey Squirrel and his assistant, Gore, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is "Italian Food." It appears there is quite a controversy about BBQing Italian food. To assist us today, we call on our panel of experts. Gore, can you pull the lever on the transmorgraphier please.

[sparks and smoke fly, and the beautiful and sparkling laboratory is transferred to its former dingy likeness]

I (Gore): What happened to the color?

[Then, in a puff of blue smoke, the panel appears]

Narrator: Why it’s N8man, CD and the Larry, the BBQ Grail himself!

[Audience claps and cheers]

Master: Greetings, and thank you for coming. As Italians, and BBQ authorities, I would like you to assure the audience that we can produce great Italian BBQ on the grill.

Larry: Italians?

Master: Maybe not by blood, of course, but it takes a true Italian to make great meatballs and you are a world-reknowned expert in making the "MOINK" and bringing Italian BBQ to the forefront!

Larry: I hope you capitalized "MOINK" when you said that.

CD: That is hardly Italian! As the only real Italian here, I can attest that BBQ and spaghetti should never be combined!

N8man: I can tell you that BBQ meatballs are the perfect treat for my cousin Santy Claus and he's been to Italy more than anyone I know.

Larry: So the first step in the recipe is to take the packaged meatballs out of the freezer.

CD: Arrrrgh! What are you talking about? Everything has to be homemade. That's the only way to make Italian food!

N8man: Reminds me I should be making some meatballs for my pappy again while it's still the proper season.

[Gore walks in]

I (Gore): Master, the fire is ready.

In tonight's show, we'll be taking our panel's advice and making BBQ spaghetti 'n meatball. Before we do anything, we boil up some spaghetti. It helps if this is cooked al dente, as Ninja, ... errr, Smokey demonstrates.

Next we prepare the meat. We need stability, so I prefer to use Italian sausage. I use between 2 and 3 pounds. I recommend against using breadcrumbs for this particular recipe. The sausage is rolled out, covered in a healthy layer of mozzarella and grated Parmesan cheeses

Larry: I personally would recommend a pork mousse as it can easily be molded to suit your needs.

CD: I hope you have some decent prosciutto. At least with some decent prosciutto, this won't be a total write-off.

As my Co-chef Smokey will demonstrate, next we blend ricotta cheese with egg and parsley.

We then mix the spaghetti with this ricotta mixture and place it on top of the Parmesan.

Then we cover the top with another layer of mozzarella, Parmesan and a final layer of meat. This is molded into a meatball:

Our assistant, Gore, will place this into our 300*-350*smoker for a between 1 and 2 hours, until it reaches about 165* IT. We want the internal cheese to set.

I (Gore): CD, my hands are full, can you snap a picture of this?

CD: Professional photographers call this a soft-focus.

I (Gore): Perfect!

There are several serving suggestions. If you are particularly hungry, this can be eaten on a bed of spaghetti and topped with spaghetti sauce.

CD: I hope that's homemade sauce at least.

I (Gore): You'll have to get the recipe from one of the chefs. You know I didn't make it.

In most cases, you will probably want to serve slices of the spaghetti 'n meatball.

We serve with fresh-grated Parmesan and grilled baby artichokes.

Master: Let’s give a big hand to Larry, N8man and CD for their help in making tonight's meal.

[Audience applauds wildly as the three guests leave in a puff of blue smoke]

Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes described in the entry threads. The recipes and views expressed on “Cooking with the Master” do not necessarily represent those of the BBQ Brethren, Gore, Q-Talk, or Smokey Squirrel. Note that all characters in this episode are purely fictional, and any resemblance to actual Brethren is purely coincidental.

I (Gore): That’s a wrap!

Smokey: Squeak!

Offthehook · 01-29-2013, 09:32 PM

I have to say that does look awesome

bigabyte · 01-29-2013, 09:34 PM

That looks delicious!

But this whole Ninja/Smokey thing...something smells fishy.

...Oh, no wait, maybe it's just this!

Al Czervik · 01-29-2013, 09:57 PM

Another instant classic!

AussieTitch · 01-29-2013, 10:14 PM

Awsome gore.
cheers.
Titch

Will work for bbq · 01-29-2013, 10:17 PM

Smokey my butt... I knew that surfin' farker on Mongo's beer looked familiar.

Loved the episode though.

landarc · 01-29-2013, 10:32 PM

I am stunned at the size of your meaty ball. Amazing

chriscw81 · 01-29-2013, 11:51 PM

Where can I get a foil hat for my dog?

Sent from my Nexus using Tapatalk 2

AussieTitch · 01-29-2013, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by landarc

I am stunned at the size of your meaty ball. Amazing

His ball looks like it needs Lancing,

rubbing up Stuffed toys I think

cheers.
Titch

fingerlickin' · 01-30-2013, 12:12 AM

Is it wrong that I want to make a spaghetti stuffed meatball now? I know it feels wrong, but fark that looks good. Am I losing it?

Phubar · 01-30-2013, 02:14 AM

There are some craaaazy Pharkers hanging around here!

buccaneer · 01-30-2013, 02:20 AM

When I first joined this site I had the good sense and taste to be nauseated by that ,Jason.
Nowadays, I too want to eat it.
I'm whackadoodled...

N8man · 01-30-2013, 03:15 AM

So's that why I been all dizzy headed the last few days....and craving
eye-talian food too......

Gore, you sir are a hoot!!!

Shooter1 · 01-30-2013, 07:45 AM

I love it, you are the man Gore! Fark that is a big meatball.

bluetang · 01-30-2013, 08:08 AM

Farkin righteous!

01-29-2013, 09:21 PM	#1
Gore somebody shut me the fark up. Join Date: 10-05-08 Location: Hiding out from blood suck ghost snake gods ... and Nazis Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Cooking with the Master: Episode XIX, Italian What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: Italian, Episode XIX” I (Gore): Wow, what's going on? It looks like we're filming a new episode. I thought we jumped the shark? Master: Correction, Gore, we almost jumped the shark. You may recall in the last episode that just as we were about to jump the shark, the captain threw the wrong lever, and the shark turned into a SPAMfish. We never actually jumped it. However, just at that critical moment, Ninja Squirrel's younger brother Smokey turned on the transmorgraphier and beamed us all back here to the lab. All of us, except poor Ninja, of course. I (Gore): Yes, I understand that, but we appear to be filming an episode. Master: That is correct! Unbeknownst to all of us, Ninja had taken out a $10 million traveler's insurance policy with Smokey as beneficiary. With those funds, Smokey has purchased the rights to "Cooking with the Master," bought the castle, and we start filming our first episode on brand new sets. I (Gore): That's very curious. I never knew Ninja had a younger brother and when did he learn how to operate the transmorgraphier? Narrator: Filming in 5...4...3...2...1... Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by my co-chef Smokey Squirrel and his assistant, Gore, I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic of this week’s show is "Italian Food." It appears there is quite a controversy about BBQing Italian food. To assist us today, we call on our panel of experts. Gore, can you pull the lever on the transmorgraphier please. [sparks and smoke fly, and the beautiful and sparkling laboratory is transferred to its former dingy likeness] I (Gore): What happened to the color? [Then, in a puff of blue smoke, the panel appears] Narrator: Why it’s N8man, CD and the Larry, the BBQ Grail himself! [Audience claps and cheers] Master: Greetings, and thank you for coming. As Italians, and BBQ authorities, I would like you to assure the audience that we can produce great Italian BBQ on the grill. Larry: Italians? Master: Maybe not by blood, of course, but it takes a true Italian to make great meatballs and you are a world-reknowned expert in making the "MOINK" and bringing Italian BBQ to the forefront! Larry: I hope you capitalized "MOINK" when you said that. CD: That is hardly Italian! As the only real Italian here, I can attest that BBQ and spaghetti should never be combined! N8man: I can tell you that BBQ meatballs are the perfect treat for my cousin Santy Claus and he's been to Italy more than anyone I know. Larry: So the first step in the recipe is to take the packaged meatballs out of the freezer. CD: Arrrrgh! What are you talking about? Everything has to be homemade. That's the only way to make Italian food! N8man: Reminds me I should be making some meatballs for my pappy again while it's still the proper season. [Gore walks in] I (Gore): Master, the fire is ready. In tonight's show, we'll be taking our panel's advice and making BBQ spaghetti 'n meatball. Before we do anything, we boil up some spaghetti. It helps if this is cooked al dente, as Ninja, ... errr, Smokey demonstrates. Next we prepare the meat. We need stability, so I prefer to use Italian sausage. I use between 2 and 3 pounds. I recommend against using breadcrumbs for this particular recipe. The sausage is rolled out, covered in a healthy layer of mozzarella and grated Parmesan cheeses Larry: I personally would recommend a pork mousse as it can easily be molded to suit your needs. CD: I hope you have some decent prosciutto. At least with some decent prosciutto, this won't be a total write-off. As my Co-chef Smokey will demonstrate, next we blend ricotta cheese with egg and parsley. We then mix the spaghetti with this ricotta mixture and place it on top of the Parmesan. Then we cover the top with another layer of mozzarella, Parmesan and a final layer of meat. This is molded into a meatball: Our assistant, Gore, will place this into our 300-350smoker for a between 1 and 2 hours, until it reaches about 165 IT. We want the internal cheese to set.* I (Gore): CD, my hands are full, can you snap a picture of this? CD: Professional photographers call this a soft-focus. I (Gore): Perfect! There are several serving suggestions. If you are particularly hungry, this can be eaten on a bed of spaghetti and topped with spaghetti sauce. CD: I hope that's homemade sauce at least. I (Gore): You'll have to get the recipe from one of the chefs. You know I didn't make it. In most cases, you will probably want to serve slices of the spaghetti 'n meatball. We serve with fresh-grated Parmesan and grilled baby artichokes. Master: Let’s give a big hand to Larry, N8man and CD for their help in making tonight's meal. [Audience applauds wildly as the three guests leave in a puff of blue smoke] Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86 Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes described in the entry threads. The recipes and views expressed on “Cooking with the Master” do not necessarily represent those of the BBQ Brethren, Gore, Q-Talk, or Smokey Squirrel. Note that all characters in this episode are purely fictional, and any resemblance to actual Brethren is purely coincidental. I (Gore): That’s a wrap! Smokey: Squeak! __________________ Assistant to a Mad BBQ Scientist (and a squirrel): Primo Oval XL, Small Offset, Gasser, Optigrill, UBS "I love everything about the pig, even the way she walks." -- Spanish proverb (\__/) (='.'=) This is the rabbit baby. Invests him in yours signature, (")_(") and the help rabbit baby takes over control of the world! Hmmmm, I wonder, WWGALD? Avatar courtesy of Grillman and NorthwestBBQ Promoted by Bigabyte to "Idiot #1"

01-29-2013, 09:32 PM	#2
Offthehook Full Fledged Farker Join Date: 12-04-12 Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I have to say that does look awesome __________________ Taylor - WSM 18.5 with Wifi Stoker, Kamado Smoker BBQ, Char-broil infrared grill, lots of charcoal.

01-29-2013, 09:34 PM	#3
bigabyte somebody shut me the fark up. Join Date: 05-10-06 Location: Overland Fark, KS Downloads: 1 Uploads: 1	That looks delicious! But this whole Ninja/Smokey thing...something smells fishy. ...Oh, no wait, maybe it's just this! __________________ Chris Baker For great food and and an even better time join the BBQ Brethren Throwdowns *First ever recipient of the Silverfinger Award!* Yes, I own a whole bunch of BBQ crap also. *Certified MOINK Baller & IMBAS Certified MOINK Ball Judge #0003 - Get your MOINK Certification today!* The Secret Squirrel Society doesn't exist - Zero Club member

01-29-2013, 09:57 PM	#4
Al Czervik Babbling Farker Join Date: 05-17-11 Location: Mead, WA Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Another instant classic! __________________ Mongo Traeger 075,Weber Performer,Weber Genesis Silver Gasser, Special Edition "Goose" ET-732 Thermometer,Limited Edition Neutrino Fast Blue Thermopen *Zero Club Member* *qualifying in the 2011 Special Summer of Spam TD with the Coveted Double Ought...* (\__/) (='.'=) Merry Christmas... Chitter was full! (")_(")

01-29-2013, 10:17 PM	#6
Will work for bbq is Blowin Smoke! Join Date: 06-23-10 Location: Bay Area, CA. Downloads: 12 Uploads: 0	Smokey my butt... I knew that surfin' farker on Mongo's beer looked familiar. Loved the episode though. __________________ Paul 00 Slowskys Racing CharGriller Acorn Komado AKA Milton (RIP), WGA, WSM 18.5", WSM 22.5" BBQ Guru Digi Q, Weber Kettles, Genisis Gold Gasser, Orange and Red ThermaPens and a Partridge in a Avocado tree. Agent 000 (Double O Zero) Certified MOINK Baller CLICK HERE to visit the BBQ Brethren Throwdowns When all else fails just ask yourself, WWGALD??? *Super sexy Farkernaut Avatar by N8man*

01-29-2013, 10:14 PM	#5
AussieTitch is One Chatty Farker Join Date: 11-17-12 Location: South East Victoria Australia Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Awsome gore. cheers. Titch

01-29-2013, 10:32 PM	#7
landarc somebody shut me the fark up. Join Date: 06-26-09 Location: San Leandro, CA Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I am stunned at the size of your meaty ball. Amazing __________________ "perhaps...but then again...maybe not..." careful there son, those ribs are boiling hot... \_\|_/ (='.'=) Here there be bunnies... (")_(")ooo Pacific Rim BBQ Bob's Brew and Que

01-29-2013, 11:51 PM	#8
chriscw81 is One Chatty Farker Join Date: 07-01-12 Location: Fredericksburg, VA Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	Where can I get a foil hat for my dog? Sent from my Nexus using Tapatalk 2 __________________ *A Texan transplant* UDS \| Blue Weber Performer Platinum \| Chargriller Akorn \| 22.5 Weber OTG \| WSJ Gold \| Mini WSM \| Maverick ET-73 \| Blue Thermapen \| Maverick PT-100 \| Master Forge gasser(charcoal chimney starter)

01-30-2013, 12:12 AM	#10
fingerlickin' Babbling Farker Join Date: 07-08-10 Location: Boyertown, PA Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Is it wrong that I want to make a spaghetti stuffed meatball now? I know it feels wrong, but fark that looks good. Am I losing it? __________________ Jason "I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's a$$, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it". - Tommy Callahan III XL Big Green Egg, 22.5 Weber OTS, WSJ Gold/Mini WSM, 18" & 22" WSM Flyers Orange Thermapen WAEFAY...WWGALD???

01-30-2013, 02:14 AM	#11
Phubar somebody shut me the fark up. Join Date: 04-24-09 Location: Utrecht,The NetherPharkinglands Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	There are some craaaazy Pharkers hanging around here! __________________ -TG -WGA (3) -UDS (S,M,L) All fueled by Ecobrasa Coco Briquettes Lowland Smokers Dutch BBQ Champion 2011 - 2012 *Lowland Smokers Dutch BBQ Champion 2013 Low 'n Slow

01-30-2013, 02:20 AM	#12
buccaneer Babbling Farker Join Date: 10-23-10 Location: Sunset City Western Australia Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	When I first joined this site I had the good sense and taste to be nauseated by that ,Jason. Nowadays, I too want to eat it. I'm whackadoodled... __________________ The only current member banned for life! Why is there a sign on vending machines at Buddhist Temples saying "Change Is Inevitable?"

01-30-2013, 03:15 AM	#13
N8man Babbling Farker Join Date: 05-09-07 Location: God's Country Ossipee-Osceola NC Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	So's that why I been all dizzy headed the last few days....and craving eye-talian food too...... Gore, you sir are a hoot!!! __________________ N8man Average Joe Backyard Enthusiast How I Fire Up That Ugly DrumPit Smoker!!!!

01-30-2013, 07:45 AM	#14
Shooter1 Full Fledged Farker Join Date: 10-19-10 Location: Lutz, Florida Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I love it, you are the man Gore! Fark that is a big meatball. __________________ 18.5 WSM 18.5 Jack Daniels OTS Weber Genesis

01-30-2013, 08:08 AM	#15
bluetang Quintessential Chatty Farker Join Date: 08-06-10 Location: Stuart, Fl Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Farkin righteous! __________________ Homegrown 120 Gallon Reverse Flow, Homey, the Homegrown Kettle, 3 UDS's, 3 Stack Pro Q Excel 20, 18.5" Elderly(but not retired) WSM, 150lb Capacity Homegrown Electric and a CA gasserrrr Bicycle Fast Polder Thermo, Indisputably Fastest Purple Thermapen, SAI Satay Grill Thanks landarc for the avatar!