Cooking with the Master: Episode VI: Porterhouse Steak

What follows is the transcript of “Cooking with the Master: Porterhouse Steak, Episode VI"

Narrator: Ninja Squirrel Productions Presents, "Cooking with the Master"

I (Gore): Ladies, Gentlemen, Good evening, and welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. The Master is spending this Father’s Day with his children and has asked me to fill in. For this special occasion, I will demonstrate how to make a meal that Father wants, a meal that is special to Dad, a thick Porterhouse steak with baked potato. There is nothing more that Dad wants on his special day and we will show you how to make this meal extra special. We begin with a thick Porterhouse.

Producer: Excuse me Gore, but we’ve sampled some of the Throwdown participants and it seems that they would much rather have eggplant.

I (Gore): I cannot believe such surveys. Everyone knows that a Porterhouse steak is the ultimate Father’s Day meal.

Producer: Well, we talked with Bigabyte, Guerry, and Landarc and they seemed to think that Porterhouses are passé, too much of a cliché, and way too much fat for the Dad of today, living a healthy lifestyle. Also, Ninja Squirrel’s positive ratings are still five points above yours, so you know what that means.

I (Gore): Noooooo!

Producer: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present this week’s episode of “Cooking with the Master,” starring Ninja Squirrel!

[Wild cheers and applause from audience]

Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak, squeak….

Narrator translates: I’m terribly sorry for the confusion, but welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. For this special occasion, we want to make Dad what he truly wants, eggplant!



[Cheers from the audience]

Producer [aside to Ninja Squirrel]: Our surveys are showing a sausage approval rating at 78%.

Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak, squeak….

Narrator translates: Not just any eggplant, mind you, but eggplant sausage.

[Groans from audience]

Producer [aside to Ninja Squirrel]: Our surveys are indicating very low approval ratings for vegetarian sausage.

Ninja Squirrel: ….Squeak, squeak, squeak….

Narrator translates: …Sausage eggplant that is stuffed with chicken and cheese!

[Cheers from audience]

Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak, squeak….

Narrator translates: The eggplant is sliced open, salted and rinsed, and then stuffed with roasted chicken and sharp cheddar cheese.



I (Gore): But what are you going to use for a sausage casing?

Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak, squeak….

Narrator translates: Sausage casings are traditionally made from intestinal linings. In our case, we use pork belly, that is, a bacon weave!

Producer: Brilliant! Bacon weaves have an 87% rating!



Narrator translates: We cap the eggplant. Wrap it in the bacon weave and then smoke it for a couple hours.



I (Gore): But Ninja Squirrel, we were making a special Father’s Day meal to enter in the “with a bone” Throwdown. This is a disaster! We’ll be disqualified! We’ll be a laughingstock!

Ninja Squirrel: SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK!!!!!!!!!

Narrator translates: SHOVE A BONE IN IT GORE!!!!!!!

[Gore takes the pieces of chicken that weren't used in the stuffing and melds them into Ninja Squirrel's creation]

Ninja Squirrel: Squeak, squeak, squeak….

Narrator translates: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you the Eggclucken:



[As the credits roll by and the audience applauds]

Producer: Brilliant, the ratings are again through the roof!

Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes this and every week and you can read about them all in the entry threads!

I (Gore): That’s a wrap!

caliking said:

A throwdown category should be created for this entry, so that the eggclucken can be deemed the winner!

Click to expand...

There already is one: it's called the Zero's Club!

As for the temp, I didn't stick it. The chicken was already cooked and the eggplant would cook faster than the bacon, so I just smoked it until the bacon was done. In all honesty, I expected it might hit the trash after taking a bite. It was shockingly good, I expect because the eggplant soaked up a lot of bacon ... juice. Chicken and melted cheese didn't harm it any. I gladly took it for lunch (along with some leftover Father's Day Argentinian-style Porterhouse, mmmmm).

Thanks for all the positive comments on the shows.