Cooking with the Master: Episode III, Fusion

Master: Ladies, Gentlemen, Gooood Eeeeevening! And welcome to "Cooking with the Master," a show about cooking. I ... am the Master! Joined by sous chefs Gore and Ninja Squirrel I will demonstrate revolutionary advances in BBQ Science. The topic this week is “Fusion”…. In Science, fusion is ultimate energy source. It provides power that fuels universe and allows life on planet Earth. In cooking, fusion is melding of cultural dishes to make new and more powerful cuisines: sweet and sour enchiladas and sushi flambé (discovered by accident) -- two recent examples that are sweeping the traditional chefs off their feet. In this program I demonstrate how BBQ revolutionizes fusion advance. I begin with the most basic BBQ ribs, seasoned with special Foil Hat Rub.




I (Gore): Excuse me Master, I have seasoned the ribs, but I must inform you we are now out of Foil Hat Rub and the recipe is a trade secret of Mr. Big.

Master: Do not fear Gore, chemical analysis of Hat Rub using mass spectroscopy will soon be complete. I will reveal the secret ingredients to my viewers at the end of show.

I (Gore): I don’t think that is a good idea Master, Mr. Big is very powerful….

Master: I think Mr. Big will be very happy to share this information with the world! He is kind and generous scientist. Now, I think we need assistance from Smokey Al.

I (Gore): Yes, Master, I will flip the switch on the Sous Transmorgraphier.

[Flames and sparks]



Master: Audience, please welcome Smokey Al Gold!

[Cheers and applause from audience]

Smokey Al Gold: Master, my man, you caught me in the middle of reeling in a trophy bass. Are we doing some of those delicious fried candy bars?

Master: No

Smokey Al Gold: Chicken wings?

Master: No

Smokey Al Gold: Shrimp?

Master: No Mr. Smokey, I see we have misunderstanding. If you’re out fishing, at least your friends will be too blitzed to realize your head is missing. Gore, I think you’d better send Mr. Smokey back.

I (Gore): Yes, Master.

[Flames, sparks, a puff of smoke, and groans from the audience]

Master: Gore, are the ribs finished smoking?

I (Gore): Yes, Master.



Now I will demonstrate the fusion…fusion, in this case is BBQ and frying, a natural compliment of different styles. We are lucky to have Ninja Squirrel, who is Master of both, demonstrate! First the ribs are sliced.

[Audience “Ooooos” and “Ahhhhhs”]

Then they are dipped in batter and quickly fried.

[Audience applauds Ninja Squirrel’s whisking ability]

Now before I make final presentation, I would like to provide for you secret ingredients of Foil Hat Rub that we finished analyzing. Gore, can you read for me the printout?

I (Gore): Yes, Master, sugar, both white and brown, salt!

Master: Very good, just as I expected!

I (Gore): Flour.

Master: Interesting, it must be to provide characteristic fuzziness.

I (Gore): Baking soda.

Master: Very interesting, and unusual.

I (Gore): Butter and chocolate chips!

Master: Gore, were you by chance eating cookies when you set up instrumentation?

I (Gore): Yes Master, why?

Master: Never mind. In any case, I shall now reveal Battered-up BBQ Ribs!



[Audience applauds wildly]

I (Gore): Wow, that’s a LuLu!

Master: Yes, Gore, it is.

I (Gore): No Master, I mean it’s Mr. Big … and he’s brought his boss, LuLu, the Queen B … here at the studio. They don’t look very happy!

[shocked surprise from audience]

Master: Mr. Big, Miss. LuLu, welcome to my laboratory! Can I offer you some refreshments?

[As the credits roll by and the audience applauds]

Narrator: This episode of “Cooking with the Master” was brought to you by the BBQ Brethren Throwdown sub-forum found at the top of Q-talk or at
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=86
Please join us every week to enter and/or vote for your favorite entry. There are lots of great dishes this and every week and you can read about them all in the entry threads!

Master: Mr. Big, would you happen to have some Foil Hat Rub on you? Just a small sample will do.

I (Gore): That’s a wrap!