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Unread 11-04-2008, 09:47 PM   #1
somebody shut me the fark up.

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Default Mad Science Experiment - Spammy Dean Fatty

I was going to wait on this little project until the weekend. However, seeing as how today has sucked so bad, I think I'll start on it tonight. It seems appropriate.

I smoked some Spam a number of months back and enjoyed it quite a bit. I have actually smoked some Spam a couple of times since (I like smoked Spam sliced deli-thin the best). I also like Fatties. A lot. This is evidenced by my belly.

Inspired by the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) those guys over there at CERN are working on, I decided to take these two unique, yet wondrous meat particles (Fatties and Spam) and smash them together to see what happens. I hope to create an entirely new, previously undiscovered form of BBQ meat.

There are many unknowns. Will the new meat take on the qualities of fatties, or smoked Spam? Or will the resulting meat particles take on entirely new behaviors and flavors previously unknown to mankind? Will it be edible? Will it cause my tongue to orgasm spewing saliva all over the house? There are also great risks. There is a 1 in 25 quadrillion chance that the process of combining these two pieces of meat and exposing them to heat and smoke could spawn a black hole, or open up a portal to another dimension allowing extra-dimensional beings to jump out of my cooker, or perhaps even my cooker will become the first time machine. The odds of such calamities actually occurring are very small, and being that I am a self-proclaimed BBQ Scientist, the world should not live in fear of such silly things. Only with great risk can we achieve great reward.

My first inclination was to simply smash together ground Spam and breakfast sausage. After thinking on the matter for quite some time (as I usually do on such important matters), I realized that breakfast sausage was made from pork, and folks that make their own breakfast sausage like using pork shoulder due to the fat content. By an amazing coincidence Spam is also made from pork shoulder! Thus I realized that ground Spam could be seasoned in the style of breakfast sausage to make a true hybrid form of Spam and Breakfast Sausage. Then I thought, "What the heck, why not try both ways"?

I had to check the fat content of Spam to ensure it was proper for making sausage. Pork Shoulder is usually chosen for pork sausage because it is about 20%-30% fat by weight, which is a great ratio of fat to lean meat for sausage making. So I had to check the ratio (by weight) of fat in Spam to the lean meat. I figured with Spam being made from pork shoulder, it should be pretty close. It is processed however so I needed to be sure.

The nutrition facts on the Spam (sounds weird putting the words nutrition and Spam together) indicate that a 2 oz (or 56g) serving contains 16g of Fat. The 16g of fat in the 56g serving indicates that the fat content in the Spam is 28% by weight, which is in the target range for sausage making. This means no additional fat or lean meat is necessary to make sausage from Spam, this stuff is good to go.

Next, I checked the ratio of fat by weight in some Jimmy Dean Original breakfast sausage to make sure that the fat ratio in the Spam sausage I planned to make would compare to the actual breakfast sausage I would be comparing it to. If I am going to make a true Spam fatty to compare to a regular fatty, then I want the comparison to be as fair as I can possibly make it. The Jimmy Dean Original serving size was 2oz (or 56g) and each serving had 21g of Fat. This came to a 37% fat content in the Jimmy Dean sausage!

Obviously I needed to up the fat content of the Spam to match the Jimmy Dean sausage. I decided to grind up some bacon into the sausage because, well, adding bacon just sounds like the proper thing to do. But how much bacon? I knew I would be grinding up 3 cans, or 36oz of Spam. Yes, I am manually grinding the Spam at home because none of the stores around me sell pre-ground Spam! I guess I live in the sticks or something! Knowing the amount of Spam I was working with, I could calculate the fat content of the bacon, and then determine the appropriate amount of bacon to grind with the Spam to yield a product with an estimated 37% fat content by weight.

The bacon I had on hand (Farmland Hickory Smoked Bacon) had 7g of fat per 15g serving, or a roughly 47% fat content. I would be adding the bacon to 1020g of Spam (the 3 cans, or 36 oz converted to grams). Thus the formula would be 28%(total Spam weight) + 47%(total Bacon weight) = 37%(Spam plus Bacon Weight) or...

.28(1020) + .47(x) = .37(1020+x)

...which when solved for x gives 918, or in more English terms, 918g of bacon needs to be added to 1020g of Spam to bring the meat to 37% fat content by weight. 918g of bacon would be 32.38oz, or basically 2 lbs of bacon.

For those who hate math, basically to make sausage out of Spam which is comparable in fat content to Jimmy Dean, for every 3 cans of ground Spam, add 2 pounds of ground bacon. Pretty cool that it comes out even like that. As for the spice blend for a Jimmy Dean sausage clone to add to this meat, that part is covered below.

With a plan in hand, and two new kinds of fatties within the realm of possibility, I acquired the necessary raw materials and set forth into motion the events to achieve my dream...

(more stuff and some pron to follow)
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