Lipstick? You wore LIPSTICK?! And then you mentioned your lack of rigidity...
Time to pull out your big unit and show off that Brazos again
Brinkman water smokers (elec and charcoal)
Weber kettle grill
Uniflame Gold Stainless 5 burner propane grill / rotisserie
BBQ Grillware upright propane water smoker
A trench filled with wood coals and covered with chain link fence