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Old 04-04-2012, 05:26 PM   #1
Quintessential Chatty Farker

Join Date: 07-08-10
Location: Boyertown, PA
Default A day in the life of Gore and I

Graphic prOn warning: This post is for amusement purposes only and will only be reproduced one time, you can find it again over in the throwdown section. I can assure you no MOINKfish were harmed during the production of this post. I can't make any promises about the pig and the cow, or my sanity.

Wife: Hey babe, I'm back from my run. What the heck are you doing and what is the 20 pounds of meat for? Are we having burgers? I thought we were having ribs?

Me: I'm making a MOINKfish.

Wife: What's a MOINKfish.

Me: I won the last Throwdown so I got to pick the next category and my friend Moose nudged me toward a "Cook it Like Gore" throwdown.

Wife: What's cook it like gore mean?

Me: Oh, Gore's a scientist who usually cooks with a ninja squirrel and seems to serve some kind of master. I've seen his picture in the Soooo, what do you look like thread, and he looks a lot like Marylin Manson in the one picture. I heard his voice on a video once and believe it or not, he sounded a lot like Hitler. The sad thing is I'm not even sure he's going to be able to cook anything for his own throwdown though because he's in Brussels, I think, or maybe it was Memphis.

Wife: Is he the one who made that picture of the flowers made out of burgers?

Me: No that was his wife ecode, she's actually the really talented one. Gore did the one of starry night, you know that painting Van Gogh did when he was at that mental hospital in France.

Wife: Well I'm taking the kids to an Easter Egg hunt, I guess this means you're not coming.

Me: Aw man, I can't right now, cooking like gore is a lot of work, I have to get busy.

Me:(on the phone, 20 min. later) Hey, do you have the camera with you?

Wife: Yeah, I wanted to take pictures of the kids getting eggs.

Me: O....k, I guess I'll just get started then.

I (Gore): I was sleeping on the couch again last night and I thought I heard some strange noises coming from out back. It sounded like something was dying, hmm, weird, I've never heard anything like it before. It was like mooo,oink, mooo,oink, mooo,oink. I had been hitting the home brew pretty heavy last night so I figured I might be just be drunk, or maybe it's time I started using a new bacon mug.

The master kept telling me if I didn't fire up the smoker soon it was SPAMfish for dinner again tonight, so out to the back porch I went... Holy carp, what the fark is that.

I must still be drunk, my vision is still a little blurry. (shakes head) There that's better. What is that thing. I better go in for a closer look.

Holy sensual eggplant bigabyte!, that appears to be the fabled MOINKfish of which I've only read about in my Scientific American magazine. Oh no! It's missing it's foil hat, it must have been trying to hide from the signals inside my cooler. We must poke the creature to make sure it's dead. Master send in my assistants.

Me: Hey Kyle, is Drew up from his nap yet?

Wife: Yeah, why?

Me: I need him and Peyton to come out and poke the MOINKfish to see if it's dead.

Wife: Your gonna carry that thing out back? Gary(neighbor) is going to think your some kind of weirdo.

Me: Yeah, he's got a lot of room to talk,and for the record I'd prefer to be known as a wack-a-doodle from now on. Drew, quit eating and poke the fish man!

Me: Thanks guys, now let's take this thing inside before Gary see's us.

Peyton: Dad, what is that?

Drew: We eat dat?

Me: It's a MOINKfish and no we can't eat it yet, we'll eat it later little buddy.

Let's bring the MOINKfish inside and have a better look at the magnificent beast. Hmm, it appears to have something inside of it's belly, by Guerry I think this one might be pregnant.

We'd better open her up and have a better look. Ninja squirrel, the knife please?

Ah, just as I presumed, it's belly is full of MOINK baby's. I must say, that's a mighty large litter. I've heard these babies are a delectable little treat when they're injected and boiled.

Upon further inspection, I notice that the MOINKfish has what appears to be two different types of ribs. One resembling a pork spare rib and the other looks more like a beef back rib. Ohh, this is going to be even better than that McRib sandwich I had last night!

Master, we're going to be eating good tonight. Let's see, I think I'll cook the head and tail separate, I've heard MOINKfish head is a delicacy in Austria and other parts of Australia. I'll save the skin for some 1/4 lb. double cheese cracklings we can have whensowhatever time in the future.

Wife + kids: Daaaaaad, is dinner ready yet? We're starving!

Me: In a minute, I have to take some pictures first.

Wife: You're reassembling that thing? You know there's something wrong with you right? You're crazy!

Me: No, I'm not, I'm a wack-a-doodle and it's not my fault, this time I'm blaming Gore!!!

Now where's my robo squirrel?!!!

Jason [/I]

"I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's a$$, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it". - [I]Tommy Callahan III[/I][/COLOR][/COLOR]
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