Normally my potatoes all get along very well. However, the "Battle Potato" Throwdown
has drawn lines between them and this morning I found my Red Potatoes and Russet Potatoes were on the brink of war!
Here you can see how eager they are to fight each other to the death. You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife!
The Russets were a crafty lot. They wanted to surprise the Reds with a brand new secret weapon never seen before in the Throwdowns! So first they chose to split up...
...and took up fortified positions.
The Russets negotiated additional support from the Bacon Berets, who took up positions near the Russets.
The Reds planned to hit the Russets right between the eyes with a proven winning Throwdown recipe! To achieve this they first had to reorganize and cut their units down to a smaller size.
This allowed them to spread out quickly and get the job done faster.
The Reds brought in help from their allies. Red Onions have long been an ally of Red Potatoes...
...and so have Apples. You see, in French a potato is called "Pomme de Terre" which is literally translated as "Apple of the ground". So here are the "Potatoes of the Air" that were brought in to help. Notice they are also red.
Germany (gotta get their help) provided the Reds with some Sauerkraut and Sausage support.
Some Brown Sugar and Caraway Seeds were added in for sustenance.
Then they all deployed in an armored personnel carrier to cross-train together until they became like one grand fighting machine!
A while later, the Russets brought in another component of their new secret weapon, the Cabbage Cavalry! As you can see, the Red forces were surrounded at this time, but both sides had agreed ahead of time for the battle to take place on the field called "Chinet", and not here on the grill.
A short while later, the Russets made boats, obviously their strategy was to attack by sea!
The Russets then fully integrated their potato forces with the Cabbage Cavalry, Bacon Berets, Scallion Squadron, some butter and hot milk...
...then they assembled their combined military might onto the boats!
The Reds, seeing the boats aproaching, quickly deployed into battle formation.
The Russets opened up their butter wells at the top of their boats releasing parsley flake chaff to confuse the enemy, and awaited the order...
Fire the Colcannon!!!
As you can see, these two mighty culinary forces were now fully engaged in an epic potato battle!
The losses on both sides mounted!
In the end, there were no survivors! Absolutely nothing was left! Both sides were completely destroyed! All that could be found was the partial remains of a burnt out potato boat hull.
Despite this grizzly outcome, there was a clear winner...ME! This battle was absolutely delicious. In fact, I have initiated covert false flag operations to try and get the beef ribs and pork ribs to declare war on each other.