Brisket, Butts and a friggin MESS!!!!
 

Ok.. I'm on a roll for the weekend. Got 2 14lb packer cuts and 2 8 lbs butts. Soaking in the DR P marinade tonight. They're hiutting the BYC tomorrow morning.. I'm in for the long haul.. maybe switching to the WSM after the 8 hour mark to finish up the briskets, but at the beginning I want to go all wood.

Now for the good stuff.. This is a crossover woodpile thread, but I'll move it later.. beware .. colorful language.

I made a big batch of Dr Pepper marinade figuring I'm marinanding 40+ lbs of meat... 2 liters of Dr pepper to start, a quart of franks, cider vinegar, can off beef stock, granulated onion and garlic, tony C's, emptied out the door of the fridge with 3-4 half empty bottles of different BBQ sauces.. and a few bottles of different hot sauces.. Cleaned out that fridge door!!!! COOl!!!! Made a nice gooey marinade...Put all this marinade in a plastic bag, doubled it up and put in the meats, pushed out the air and knotted the bag.. then rolled the stuff around in the bag to get everything nice and coated.. Damn that bag is friggin heavy.. probably klose to 50 Lbs. Using Glad kitchen garbage bags, doubled up(lets not start the food safe plastic debate again). Anyway.. got the bags in the sink, make room in the garage fridge to put the stuff. Pick up the bag and start makin my way to the fridge.. well you guess..


FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!! The Farking bags split open!!!!!! Dont get mad, get Glad MY ASS. !!! They friggin exploded....I'm trying to catch the sh*t before it hits the floor.. its pouring down my farking legs.. ... all over the friggin kitchen floor 2 huge slabs of beef slide across the floor.. the butts bounce and make this sick splat sound.. splashing more sh*t on the cabinets... the farking marinade is running under the farking fridge.. the dam 2 dogs are standing in the marinade, lookin at me....the bird dog is eyeing the pork butts like its friggin pheasent. The sheperd is drinking the sh*t off the floor, im standing there cursing my farkin ass off, holding the bag by the knots and bottom, with this crap dripping between my fingers, totally dumbfounded.. and stamped my foot like a friggin pissed off child and splashed sh*t all over the walls.. My kids dont know wheather they should come help or run for farking cover.... FARK What a FARKIN MESS !!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!

Yeah.... Try moppin that sh*t up.. kitchen floor looked like a bear$hit at a murder scene.. meats got chucked into the sink... sh*t flowed under the fridge.. under the cabinets.. it was like baby$hit in a diaper, no matter where I looked, it was in another crevice somewhere.. .. i gave up with the mop and went for the shop vac.. sucked that crap up.. hosed down the floor with the sink sprayer.. sucked it up again.. moved the fridge.. sucked that up.. son of a bitch.. what a friggin mess.

And while all this was goin on.. whats goin thru my head.. i gotta take a picture of this to post.. I'm sure The Brethren will get a charge out of this crap.. Send kids for digital camera.. battery's dead. If anyone thinks I'd recreate this any time soon.. guess again..

Yup, made another batch of marinade.. but ran out of BBQ sauces.. had to open a new bottle. Everyone is tucked away in the fridge now.

Nice start to the weekend..

OMG

Thanks brotehr.

I havent laughed that hard in months.

Just got some new cooking for T Day, on Fri, me and the Bro in law are doing a Lone Star Brisket. Something to do with a 6pk Lone star, and disposing the pot after you boil this marinade

I'm intrigued.

Sorry about your misfortune, but I must admit I laughed so hard my gut started to hurt. I hope that all that meat is the best you've ever done to make up a little for all the trouble.

Call Colt he should have recent experience with such things. But only if it has a yellow tint.

HEY!!!, GUESS WHAT??

I DID HAVE A GOOD DAY AFTERALL!!!

You have my sympathies and rolling on the floor appreciation!

All I have in comparison is a rack of loinbacks and a dozen chicken wings "resting" in the basement fridge. (They were easy to carry!!)

Enjoy your Q, you've earned it.

Yeah... I figured everyone was going to appreciate this.. As Im cleanin up that mess.. all i kept saying is "oh, the guys are gonna love this one".


I'm baaaaaaaacckkkkkkk!!!!!!!

And we do love it. A perfect ending to a hectic day. I'm just sorry it was at your expense, but I really needed the laugh.

At least you got to clean out the fridge.

Welcome back to never never land. Or is that Micheal Jackson's quote?

Between this post and the one about the pill and the pants stain, I'm laughin so hard I'm cryin'. While I haven't had a garbage bag bust on me before, I have had the pleasure of having a 14# brisket slip out of my hands and back into a cooler full of marinade. It's like doing a cannonball in the pool. Weeks later and you still finds DP marinade spots. And then the wifey, "why didn't you take it outside before you took it out of the cooler?" The last thing I need at that moment is a dose of coulda, woulda, shoulda. I know my mess wasn't as big as yours though....but I feel for ya. I do have a question though......did you stand there, just for a second, and ask yourself, "I didn't just do that, did I? Tell me I didn't just do that?" :shock:

ROFLMAO!!!!

no... first reaaction SH*T! Fark!! PISS!!! Damn!!!! Arms started flailing as I did this friggin dance trying to catch 4 seperate pieces of slimy meat.. trying to catch them mid flight.. and hold the bag together at the same time.... all the time just making more of a mess.. then I just kinda stood there.. totally dumbfounded.. holding the bag in my hands ....drip drip drip drip... thats when "I cant believe that just happened" set in. The kids heard the commotion and came in from the den to see me staing there in a puddle with chunks of flesh all over the floor.. Stopped them dead in their tracks.. they just stood there, mouths open.. lookin at me.. All I can say to them was "SAY NOTHING... Go get the mop." James came back with the Marinade Mop which I didnt think was funny.. (I actually did). Jackie was scrambling for anything.. Chit, she would show up with Q-tip in her panic..

and even better, both dogs were right next to me lookin up with this.. HA HA ass*ole look on there faces......

Newport, the pointer also had Dr Pepper on his head... which I didnt know till about 1AM last night when I was sitting there pettin him...

Wanna here more?? . this morning as I pulled the bag out of the fridge, it got hung up on the shelf bracket and a little hole popped in the bag.. HOLY SH*T.. figgin panic.. goin NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO... this time I had slid a big cutting board to underneath to support the weight.. Ran into the kitchen with the bag pissin little squirts across the floor.

I think Im gonna stick with Burgers.

When that happens we will all quit drinking aka cold day in hell.

Still goin..
 

well. been 13 hours.. Still goin butts at 158 briskets are at 153. Pits been pushing 260-270 all day. Seems still got 3-4 hours at least to go. These suckers are taking a LONG time. Been cookin over everything, anything i grab from the pile. White oak, red oak, mulberry, 2 cherries, hickory, maple, pear, apple. Gonna be interesting.


i gotta be on a plane at 2 tomorrow and seems Im gonna be babysitting tonight. Best part of this

BRISKET For BREAKFAST!!!!

Mind if I stop by for breakfast? :wink:

Yeah, the day you do that's the day we "Piss on the fire and call in the dogs". Ain't going to happen. :D

Laughed out loud reading your account -- been there and done that (not quite as LARGE a disaster but still a freaking mess!)