"I Want The TRUTH!!" **Brethren Blunders **

[Bigmofo300lbs]

And yes...I can handle the truth. All of us talk about about our success stories. But what about the failures. For some of us it wasn't that long ago we were rookies at grilling let alone bbq-ing/smoking. I want to hear about "When Bad Q Happens To Good People!".

Like the first time I used my smoker and cooked the HELL out of some ribs (not once but twice) because my therm was a pile of.....of....well you know!! Nothing like graduating from being "The Best Griller In Town" to rival George Foreman to the William Hung of the bbq world!

[mook]

I dont think you can handle the truth.

And i wouldn't say you became the William Hung of BBQ, people still pay to hear him sing.

I must say you were a fast learner though. Made a brother proud.

[willkat98]

I interlace all kinds of threads with early, and current failures (does lighting a hay bale in your yard count as a success or a failure)

Brats on the ECB. Friggin top shelf must have been 400* for 3 hours. Can you say Jerky. I wasnt using a temp gauge on the ECB, just the Warm, Ideal, Hot guage on the ECB. Didnt realize till later that the Ideal reading was about 350*

Country ribs. Did them for 3 hours. Needed a wood chipper shredder to get the meat off the bone.

Cavendar's Seasoning. Way over applied on first time. Like licking a greek toilet. Turned off the family forever to Cavendars.

18 hour brisket, all nighter, all drinking. Dumped the water pan o' **** over the fence in the morning. Saw both my oven thermometers flying through the air. How the fark the thermometers got into the water pan during that night, is beyond me. (granted, that cook was fueled by a 1.75 liter of Jack Daniels, an Xbox, and a brother in law that could drink like a fish like me)

Those come to mind at first, but I have plenty of good failure stories. Just be sure to stay with us a while Big Mo, you'll see.


Hell, just last year Phil marinated his dog and his entire kitchen floor.

[BBQchef33]

Fisrt ever cook.. 15-20years ago.. Wife bought me a brinkman "all in one". Said "smoker" on the side.. so that means ya need lotsa smoke right.?? thing was propanbe assisted. u can use charcoal or wood or gas.

Took my nice hickory chiunks and soaked them in water(ewwwww) for a few hours and loaded the thing up with chicken breasts. Put about ohhhh... a dozen or 2 wet hickory chunks over the lava rock. Cranked up the propane... "Argh argh argh.. smoke... more smoke.." Crank that think up till i had smoke billowing out of that brinkman like a burning tire factory.... mmmmm that gonna be good chicken... entire yard was covered, neighbors were callin the fire depart.. wife is sayin "is it supposed to be doin that? "... WHY OF COURSE!!!! its a smoker..!! Temps were pushin 350(thats what ya bake at aint it?) 45 minutes later.. get that chicken... once we scraped off the soot.. it looked ok... was like eating kingsford.

good stuff...

i got more.. be back later.. :)

[Jorge]

I interlace all kinds of threads with early, and current failures (does lighting a hay bale in your yard count as a success or a failure)

If the Firemen showed up it is a success!

Failure 1. In a hurry to smoke some chicken breasts. Decide on mesquite and some that is green. Fire burned too hot, got some really rank smoke, and a texture that that was just short of concrete. No shortcuts to quality.

Failure 2. I didn't manage the space in the beast well. I snuck some venison/pork sausage on the back of a shelf behind something large enough to hide them. Beer, sun, fire management. Forgot about the sausage until I pulled that rack out. Pure carbon. The dogs wouldn't even touch it.

Failure 3. Using the rib racks that came with the bandera. Instead of weaving them I tried placing them in the notches running front to back. Not stable. I'm leaning over to pick up the next rack of ribs when one in the smoker falls and lands right in the water pan. I'd already smoked a bunch of other stuff so I got hot, greasy water all over my back. Lucked out and didn't get burned. On the plus side the rack that landed in the water tasted the best of the 4 I smoked that day.

[parrothead]

Thank goodness. When I saw this thread I thought you were gonna ask me about your OL.

Just funnin ya

I geuss the worst would be over smoking when I started out. I ended up with some pretty harsh stuff. All that nasty white smoke. I thought it was the right way to do it. Live and learn. Live and learn.

I did drop an entire grills worth of hamburgers once while trying to add charcoal.

Off to the store for more ground beef mod.

[ckkphoto]

I left an old site partly because no one there would post anything but mods and how everyone loved their Barbecue. I much prefer to keep it real and tell it like it is! Most days everything goes just fine and hover on the edge of boredom. There are always the notable exceptions. Like the time I fell asleep on the couch while cooking pork chops. When I wake up the temp spiked clear into the red line (dont ask how much wood was in the 'yesdera) I got the temps down, but the chops had to be snapped into little bite size chunks. Flavorful, but tasted like eating dog treats for dinner. I fell asleep once and ended up having to throw away an entire turkey because the fire went out and the smoker was in the danger zone for too long for me to feel comfortable serving it. (wife not to happy over that one).
I dropped a brisket after ten hours of cooking it and served it to everyone anyway. (I carefully washed it off and cut all the bark off) but still people noticed some grittiness. ) Oopsie.

[Cuelio]

My first smoke (a few months ago) included some chicken. I think I ran a little too low to kill ALL of the Salmonella. Got the runs bad! I could bend over and hit a bullseye ten feet away.

[Bigmofo300lbs]

My first smoke (a few months ago) included some chicken. I think I ran a little to low to kill ALL of the Salmonella. Got the runs bad! I could bend over and hit a bullseye ten feet away.

Smoker = $200
Gas for trip to pharmacy = $200 (well you know, with today's prices)
Salmonella Prescription: $40
Picturing someone "....hitting a bullseye from ten feet away."? = Priceless! :lol:

[Mark]

I interlace all kinds of threads with early, and current failures (does lighting a hay bale in your yard count as a success or a failure)


Cavendar's Seasoning. Way over applied on first time. Like licking a greek toilet. Turned off the family forever to Cavendars.




Hell, just last year Phil marinated his dog and his entire kitchen floor.

Having not had the experience, could you inform us what a "greek toilet" tastes like?

As for my f*ups, most all the normal **** already discussed. Justa part of paying you dues when you dont have an asset like this one around.

[willkat98]

Failure 3. Using the rib racks that came with the bandera. Instead of weaving them I tried placing them in the notches running front to back. Not stable. I'm leaning over to pick up the next rack of ribs when one in the smoker falls and lands right in the water pan. I'd already smoked a bunch of other stuff so I got hot, greasy water all over my back. Lucked out and didn't get burned. On the plus side the rack that landed in the water tasted the best of the 4 I smoked that day.

Par Boil Mod

[willkat98]

I dropped a brisket after ten hours of cooking it and served it to everyone anyway. (I carefully washed it off and cut all the bark off) but still people noticed some grittiness. ) Oopsie.

Now thats funny.

[midnight]

I bought a well know brand of electric smoker (yea I know...) about 2 years ago and have all kinds of trouble with the food that comes out of it, but my dera.....nothing but the good stuff. Except the time I used rotten wood and my food came out smelling like a moldy basement...never did eat any of it.

[Solidkick]

BigMoFo:

My first bad cooks (which was all of them) resulted in 2 things:
1. Looking for a way to recoop my money I spent on the Bandera on EBay
2. Landing at the home of the Brethren.

Understand that we've added a lot of members since I joined back in Oct. It was people like (and don't get pissed if I leave someone out)
Greg, TK, Brian, Bill, Grand Poobah, DF, Wayne,Al, that took time to walk me through what I was doing wrong, made suggestions and TAUGHT me how to Q. I mean I even had phone conversations with a few. Now when I share my thoughts of wisdom on this board, some may be what I've learned on my own, but most is what I have learned from my brothers.

KC and JT (my local brothers) have both come along and were newbies. They had their questions, I shared my wisdom, as did all the other brothers, and now they cook just as good as the rest of us, hell maybe even better. It's the learning curve and having someone to help you out is what really matters....
I'm glad I chose option 2...........

[ckkphoto]

This wasn't MY fork up, but it was the WORST Q I have ever tasted. Before I got the Bandera, I sent a friend of mine some quail some duck and goose and a brisket to smoke for me, since he "knew so much" about smoking. He was one of those that believed the thicker the smoke coming out the top of the stack, the more you are smoking. He brought the remains to our Christmas party, and I was obliged to put the holocaust on the table. Tasted like they were dipped in kerosene. No joke. I fulfilled my hostly duty and ate a piece (couldn't have done two on a bet) and later put it in the fridge to (save some for later). It is the only time I can think of that barbecue on my table hasn't disappeared unless everyone was too stuffed to eat. It also gave me the confidence to try my hand at smoking. I figured once you know what the bottom tasted like it could only get better.

[BigAl]

My first Bandera Smoke was with a couple of spare Ribs slabs. I had read about winding ribs on the racks, so no a problem. But I had so much pecan wood white smoke in the yard that is look like an old steam raildroad train engine was stuck under the deck and I had left the windows open, so the house was full also.

It was the only meat scheduled for dinner.

Pecan wood makes a beautiful dark mahogny(sp) color on ribs. But you could not taste the meat, just a bitter smoke taste. Well, since that fate full day, the 'matic will not even try to eat anything I smoke. She keeps saying why don't you just grill like you used to do?

[BBQchef33]

lte last year, while spending a few weeks with my head up my butt, i lit the chimney over the burner for the turkey fryer. It was november/december and the pit was buried in leaves that had fallen.

looked back in the pit while prepping the meat. Chimneys burning fine.. so are all the leaves in the immediate area.. bandera is surrounded by flames, new stockade fence is geeting charred.. and OH Sh*t@@ the propane tanke from the burner is in the midddle of the flames too. Grab garden hose to put out fire.. turn it on.. hose is frozen and blocked with ice. Grab bucket, start runing bak and forth to pool cover picken up bucket of ice/water/wet leaves from inside the pool cover.. back and forth dumping on the fire... ..... 1 man bucket brigade.


2 - Fill up a garbage baag with a gallon or 2 of Dr. Pepper marinade. Add a few packer cut briskets. Lift bag and turn to put in garage fridge. while walking to the garage, the bag busts open. Marinade the kitchen floor, the fridge, the legs, with the entire contents of the bag.. keep trying to catrch the briskets before they hit the floor splashing crap all over the place. After everyrthing settles, yell Sh!T and stomp oin the puddle like a kid.. More sh!t all over the place. Kids are afraid to move.. have theis look of fear on their face.. Kitchen looks like a charles manson murder scene.. 2 hours later, pet the dog, find out you marinaded his head too.

2 - First brisket before discovering packer cuts.. cook a 4-5lb market trimmed flat for 12-14 hours, unwrapped at 250.... Can u say Jerky?

3- Take 4 hours to prepare 30-40 #6 shrimp stuffing with chicken tenders, wrapping in bacon, marinading..... . smoke carefully till they taste like crap. Find out the recipe calls for them to be grilled, not smoked. Wouldnt be so bad.. but i did that at a Bash with several brethren there to razz me about it for weeks to come.

hey.. live and learn.. without all theis mess up we do... we wouldnt be advancing to experts. :)

[willkat98]

Weeks to come?

Hell, those Shrimp Bombs will live Eternal Phil

[The_Kapn]

OK- I'll fess up.
Friend (Smokin' Expert) "teaches" me to Q a couple of years ago.
I have about 20 Turkey drummies I need to do for an upcoming Disney trip. Friend even loans me a horizontal smoker (Wally World Cheapie).
I am to maintain 180-190 chamber temp and have lots of white smoke (key to success) !!!!
And it really is OK to use some moldy oak (big white fungus growing on it) because it will just "burn off".
I followed my instructions perfectly, after all, I am a good student.
Now, I need 170 + or so internal temp. I missed the logic that 170 + will only be attained when the drummies "equalize" with the chamber temp.
10 hours later (yes, 10 hours) I had 20 "Turkey Jerky" drummies coated with about 1/2 " of creosote :cry:
Then I bought my Bandera and found the "Brethren" :D
Great drummies now, and working on better!
TIM

[BBQchef33]

Weeks to come?

Hell, those Shrimp Bombs will live Eternal Phil

yup, your right.. i still find one wallking around in the woods occasionally.

[kcquer]

Best fark ups come from my offset with chips in the gas grill cooking days. Have to add chips real often so instead of foil packet use foil folder (like a file folder). Too many chips too much heat, heat lifts top of folder big time overheat, spares done in about 45 minutes on the end closest to the inferno, other end basically raw.

Mother in law, brother in law and wife, her aunt, her kids and mates. Burnt the **** out of some baked potatoes, had to send daughter to store for potato salad instead.

Should have waited, may have another story in the smoker right now.

[Mark]

reminds me of the line in An Officer and a Gentleman, where Nicholson replies on the witness stand, "So you want the truth...you can't handle the truth."

[BBQchef33]

not to be a pain.. but That movie was "A Few Good men" not an officer and a gentlemen.

[kcquer]

Got the runs bad! I could bend over and hit a bullseye ten feet away.

Cue'lio, that's hilarious, and impressive. With the balloon knots I have I couldn't hit a bullseye at 10 ft. but I could paint an entire wall at that distance! :shock:

[parrothead]

With the balloon knots I have I couldn't hit a bullseye at 10 ft. but I could paint an entire wall at that distance!

Pressure washer nozzle mod

[willkat98]

not to be a pain.. but That movie was "A Few Good men" not an officer and a gentlemen.

Saw it on cable last night.

Insomnia Mod

[hornbri]

Welll there was that smoke about a month ago when mook came up here.
Note to self, drinking a 1.75 of JD and smoking the wacky tabacy and smoking meat dont all mix.
That brisket flat tasted like **** and the pork was even worse. Live and learn.

[tommykendall]

hey.. live and learn.. without all theis mess up we do... we wouldnt be advancing to experts.


Mary is that damn good. 8)

[Jorge]

My first smoke (a few months ago) included some chicken. I think I ran a little too low to kill ALL of the Salmonella. Got the runs bad! I could bend over and hit a bullseye ten feet away.

I think you and Bill should duel at a Bash. :shock:

[Bigmofo300lbs]

Note to self, drinking a 1.75 of JD and smoking the wacky tabacy and smoking meat dont all mix.


Words to live....er smoke by.

[david]

once in awhile I use the firebox as a grill when I don't want to use the POS gasser. I chased a salmon filet right over the edge of the rack into the coals. The chunks we could recover from the fire were pretty good. I think I salvaged about 1/3 of that salmon.

[cabo]

The truth huh,
I can’t handle the truth…..

Once upon a time, waaayy back when I got my first smoker (a bullet type) I read directions. Among other things the directions said to soak wood chips in water to get the full impact of the smoke experience. Ok, I did that. I had also heard some where that adding a drop or two of dish washing detergent makes the chips soak up more water, something about breaking up the natural oils in the wood.
Hey! Works for grease on plates, sounds good. :roll:
Can you say steam, not smoke??
The real eye opener was the part about filling the water pan. Excuse me, no where in the instructions did it mention anything about REFILLING the water pan. It just said fill the pan. I also filled the charcoal pan and fired that boy up with fluid.
Well let me tell you, I had a fire to be proud of. When that boy died down to a small roar, hell I was in business. 8)
My first turkey was black with creosote, about the size of a very large Cornish game hen, and had drum sticks like broom sticks.
I think it’s buried in Dave’s backyard. :oops:

Now I’m here and Life Is Good :!: :D :D

[Solidkick]

My first turkey was black with creosote, about the size of a very large Cornish game hen, and had drum sticks like broom sticks.



LOL, seen something similar myself, except mine was a chusck roast that looked like a filet migion when I got done........oh the memories.....

[BBQchef33]

My first turkey was black with creosote, about the size of a very large Cornish game hen, and had drum sticks like broom sticks.



LOL, seen something similar myself, except mine was a chusck roast that looked like a filet migion when I got done........oh the memories.....

downt eu meen chuck roste?

[willkat98]

Mary's Chusck Roast Recipe

[jpw23]

Not really a smoker story.......one morning while cooking Sunday breakfast, the large electric griddle I was using died. So I go out and fire up the gasser( on high ) let her warm up and the transfered 3 pounds of big sausage patties to it. The raging fire was shooting 5 feet above the lid of the gasser, took a broom handle and shut the lid, the inferno shot out of the back of the gasser and melted my vinyl siding.......put out the fire, hid the damage with a sheet of plywood and told the family we were all gonna go to shoneys. This story goes on and ultimatley ends in divorce!

[cmcadams]

My worst 2 so far (notice I said "so far"... there's always room to outdo a previous flop!):

Last Tday... Indirect grilling a great looking turkey on my Chargriller... didn't notice the wind pick up... temps were over 200, and it was dry. Fortunately, my mom is a whiz with gravy, and it was at least ok.

A week ago Sunday... I've done my share of ribs by now, so I wanted to try some Texas Pepper jelly on some. I had 3 racks going with rib ends, and went inside to wait the 3 hours until I foiled for an hour. Some of you reading know I'm going through some stuff with my dog; he was up and active, so I spent some time with him, then went out to check on things... The smoker was running about about 350... which would be ok, but the ribs were already past help. Funny thing is, a friend came over, tried some just prior to me throwing them out, and liked them. I told him to come back when I made decent ribs. It's more embarrassing to do that to perfectly good ribs when you SHOULD know better than when you're starting out!

[LDOJYD]

Damn, hate it when that happens....

[bbqbull]

Ummmmmmmmm overcooked my briskets at the Grand Rapids Contest.

Overcooked my briskets at my wedding reception.

Filling 1/2 full Budweiser cans in my kitchen with a homemade rub for beerbutt chickens. Got the first tablespoon into first can. Grabbed second can to fill. Had a reaction better than them Mentos and pop. Slammed the second can into sink and more huge foaming action. Its a real bitch to scrub beer/rub off the kitchen ceiling.

One time threading them little hot chili peppers onto fishline for drying. Hadda pee. OMG. My little peeter burnt for hours....Next time I do it I wear rubber gloves.

Im sure more farkups are in store for me.

[bbqjoe]

told the family we were all gonna go to shoneys. This story goes on and ultimatley ends in divorce!

I'd divorce you too.
Shoneys..........................

[SloppyQ]

Some time ago (Earlyer this year) I had 4 Butts, 4 Briskets, and 16 slabs of Baby Backs to cook for this bar and grill I live by and as everyone knows we should keep the grease trap in our pits clean! As the story goes I start farely early on a Sunday mourning first I get the butts and briskets on and then the ribs. Everythings is going good Temps at 230 ribs are done in about 4 hours or so. Ok some time is left for rest of meat so the fire is stoked (Offset Smoker), the race is on so I go watch, Gordon is leading so I fall asleep (sorry Gordon fans) wife wakes me up says cooker is really smokin a lot I say good and fall back to sleep, what a mistake. So from now on when Gordon is leading I don't take naps, live and learn. :roll: By the way I ended up cooking on Monday also. After I cleaned the smoker.

[Westexbbq]

First brisket many moons and several campfires ago on the then newly cured NB silver smoker; 6lb, store bought, thin fat cap, 6hrs smoked with mesquite and kept the chimney cap semi-closed;temp spiked a couple of times close to 300; sliced ok kinda sorta, tough as shoe leather; barely edible.

Then there was the cornish hen stuffed with raw veggies, do not try that at home.

Then the time I tried that sure-fire impregnated charcoal chit....

As the ol' lyric goes;
Getting so much better all the time
It's getting better all the time
Better, better, better
It's getting better all the time
Better, better, better

[Pig Up & Go]

Reading all these posts has me in tears....Damned funny

:mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen:

[big brother smoke]

Ummmmmmmmm overcooked my briskets at the Grand Rapids Contest.

Overcooked my briskets at my wedding reception.

Filling 1/2 full Budweiser cans in my kitchen with a homemade rub for beerbutt chickens. Got the first tablespoon into first can. Grabbed second can to fill. Had a reaction better than them Mentos and pop. Slammed the second can into sink and more huge foaming action. Its a real bitch to scrub beer/rub off the kitchen ceiling.

One time threading them little hot chili peppers onto fishline for drying. Hadda pee. OMG. My little peeter burnt for hours....Next time I do it I wear rubber gloves.

Im sure more farkups are in store for me.

You almost cost me a new keyboard! I have my cocktail all over it after laughing!

[Norcoredneck]

I have heard when starting out, treat it like dating. Keep drinking till it all looks good!

[TexasGuppie]

While grilling steaks many years ago I proposed marriage to my girlfriend. It ended in a bitter divorce three years later after I found about her having an affair with a co-worker.

Yes friends, that was the biggest grilling fiasco I can recall. The steaks were great though.

Guppie

[Mark]

Originally Posted by bbqbull
Ummmmmmmmm overcooked my briskets at the Grand Rapids Contest.

Overcooked my briskets at my wedding reception.

Filling 1/2 full Budweiser cans in my kitchen with a homemade rub for beerbutt chickens. Got the first tablespoon into first can. Grabbed second can to fill. Had a reaction better than them Mentos and pop. Slammed the second can into sink and more huge foaming action. Its a real bitch to scrub beer/rub off the kitchen ceiling.

One time threading them little hot chili peppers onto fishline for drying. Hadda pee. OMG. My little peeter burnt for hours....Next time I do it I wear rubber gloves.

Im sure more farkups are in store for me.

Yeah like forgetting to take off the rubber gloves before you pee.

[GIRLYQUE]

Recently toasted/creamated some ABTs.
omg!
They were at the warmer end of the smoker and .....well probably a few too many Mike's Cranberry Drinks later....there was nothing left but the shell of a Jap.
Several dozen...gone....

[PimpSmoke]

spares.......................too.................. ...much..................rub

[Mark]

Yeh pimp; I can relate. Butts; too much habanero rub.

[chad]

I fixed some ribs a few years ago with one of those "you gotta try these ribs" double rub yada yada recipes.

Actually, they were ok except I kept thinking these would probably be ribs from Bobby Flays place. Great texture, etc. but really curious flavors.

Not really a disaster but sure glad it was only family eating them -- I had to finish them alone!

A potential distaster was when I overloaded the Kingfisher with pork butts back in June - I had to get multiple butts (4 one time, 12 another) from the bottom of the chamber three times!! What a goat-rope. This is not a reflection on the Kingfisher - I just had it really overloaded and was using mostly boneless butts that change shape when they cook - flipped the upper shelves off!!

[willkat98]

Sorry David

Gotta ask.

What the hell is a goat-rope?

[bbqbull]

Goat Rope = F.U.B.A.R............That is for another thread for the real defination......Fark is the first letter.

[motley que]

One time threading them little hot chili peppers onto fishline for drying. Hadda pee. OMG. My little peeter burnt for hours....

was up at 4am firing up the smoker so i thought while it was getting to temp i would make my abt's for the day after i made them i had an itch that i scratched. my sack was burning until i tuck an ice pack on em for 10 minutes to numb my nuts (is that how numbnuts became a term)

climbed back into bed once everything was on and while laying close to the wife she noticed something cold...:twisted:

[willkat98]

was up at 4am firing up the smoker so i thought while it was getting to temp i would make my abt's for the day after i made them i had an itch that i scratched. my sack was burning until i tuck an ice pack on em for 10 minutes to numb my nuts (is that how numbnuts became a term)

climbed back into bed once everything was on and while laying close to the wife she noticed something cold...:twisted:
Good story mq.

I recall a few bashes ago, broadway bruce was 3/4 of the way through coring 6 dozen japs with Phil. Phils arms were stinging, and he had to get in the pool later to stop the burning

I see bruce has all kinds of jap guts and such on his hands.

I say "Bruce, whats that thing by the corner of your eye?"
(I then proceed to scratch the corner of my eye, like saying, here, right here.

Bruce says "What? What is it?" and proceeds to raise his hand up to his eye.

Right before impact, Phil stops him and says something like "You schmuck, he's trying to get you to touch your eye with a hand covered in jap juice"

It was evil, but it was funny

[Rockaway BeachBQ]

Over 10 years ago I made a giant pot of chili in college during the winter in upstate NY,. It included several habaneros. I finished prepping, started cooking, washed my hands and went to watch TV on the couch. After a bit I rubbed one of my eyes real hard. It burned like I have never felt since. First I ran and bent over backwards and stuck my head in the kitchen sink running water in to my eye, after a few minutes my neck started to cramp. So I wound up in an ice cold shower in the middle of the winter running water in to my eye for at least 15 minutes.

I have learned to respect the chile.

[JohnMcD348]

Bad Que? Never heard of it.......:biggrin:





OK, really. I can't say yet that i've had really bad stuff. I'm still too new to doing it that I still pretty much eat everything I made. There was one time that I tried a brisket in my WSM, either the 1st or 2nd time I used it. I put a brisket on and the temp spiked over 300 for a while and the brisket hit 195* after only about 6 hours. To top it all off, I was so flustered by the event that after I let it set for a few hours in the cooler, I cut it the wrong way and basically ended up with really tough stuff. I lived. I learned.

[CarbonToe]

Excuse me, no where in the instructions did it mention anything about REFILLING the water pan. It just said fill the pan.

So you're the person who McDonalds wrote "Contents may be HOT" on the side of their coffee cups!!!! :lol:

Good reading guys!!

I haven't screwed up apart from mistiming a Pork Shoulder and a Brisket - all the sides and other dishes were ready for a noon eats and the meat didn't turn up until 4pm!!!!! On the bright side.....more drinking time!!!

[Neil]

Good story mq.

I recall a few bashes ago, broadway bruce was 3/4 of the way through coring 6 dozen japs with Phil. Phils arms were stinging, and he had to get in the pool later to stop the burning

I see bruce has all kinds of jap guts and such on his hands.

I say "Bruce, whats that thing by the corner of your eye?"
(I then proceed to scratch the corner of my eye, like saying, here, right here.

Bruce says "What? What is it?" and proceeds to raise his hand up to his eye.

Right before impact, Phil stops him and says something like "You schmuck, he's trying to get you to touch your eye with a hand covered in jap juice"

It was evil, but it was funny

That was Pure Evil! Took out my contacts once 7 hours after coring some habs and 40 hand washings later still thought I was going to go blind.

Great reach into the way back machine Bill.

[Neil]

First brisket was done a Weber Kettle and cooked indirect like you would a turkey, 20 briquettes on each side adding four to each side every hour. If I would have had a couple of thousand like that I could have reshingled the roof!

[Fudge]

Was cooking at contest with friends years ago, (about 18). Was using my newly fabricated barrel smoker and limbs from an apple tree on my father-in-laws farm. So we loaded up the barrel with charcoal and chuncks of apple. I didn't think there was near enough smoke so I put in more apple wood. When I pulled the ribs off and tasted them they had really nasty taste. We invited a guy who went by the name Wildman to come over and taste them to tell us what we did wrong. My heart sank when Wildman took a bite then proceeded to spit my BBQ out on the ground. He said, "Damn, what kind of wood you using." He looked at my wood and said "This wood hasn't been seasoned son, that bad taste is caused by creosote." I remember thinking isn't that the stuff they preserve telephone poles with. Somewhere out there, laying at the bottom of a landfil, is a perfectly preserved slab of ribs. I pitty the Archaeologist who digs them up.

[BBQchef33]

Heres a classic..

resurection Mod to get some of the classic blunders from some more members that joined since this thread went cold a year ago....


so lets put aside the successes... tell us about your best screw up!

[Yakfishingfool]

I know someone who showed up to smoke 2-300 chix pieces and didn't bring any wood!!! Hmmmm......

My first brisket turned out like a peice of shale. Scott

[BBQchef33]

Wow.... what an idiot! :redface: but i'll bet he had lots of lump.........

and green apple vodka.:cool:

[LGerber]

I am relatively new to the smoking world, studying and cooking for a little under a year now. But I do recall my first big cook where I had invited others over to eat. We had Boston Butts that were about 4 pounds each and some chicken. For some reason, and to this day I still have no clue, I thought that the meat needed to be cooked for 16 hours. Fortunately my thermometer didnt work right and it only cooked at around 200 so the meat was still edible. I also recall thinking that I had to load up on the smoke....the more the better....AHHHHHH the good ole days

[Yakfishingfool]

MMmmmm...green apple vodka......MMMmmmmmm

[CajunSmoker]

About ten years ago, I was smoking a turkey for my wife to take to her family for thanksgiving dinner while I went to deer camp for the weekend.

I didn't get the turkey completely thawed and wound up smoking it with the neck and giblet bag still inside.

It looked real nice, so I wrapped that sucker up and sent it to Arkansas with my wife and I hauled azz the other direction to deer camp.

I still can't eat with the in-laws without someone reminding me of that turkey.:roll:

[ctbeerbq]

After Mrs. Beerbq watched Good Eats - Gyros, she wanted me to do the same... finally had a chance to put the rotisserie on my Chargriller. The "lamb loaf" was supposed to set up for "2 hours to overnight" and she said "just do two hours."

Good thing I put a makeshift foil drip pan underneath and kept checking every few minutes at the start. That thing fell off right on the drip pan, which immediately started to break up over the coals. :shock:

Saved most of it and made lamb burgers. :roll:

[vr6Cop]

For a couple of years, I used my round gasser (Keale has the top for one on his UDS) with wood chips to smoke butts. Since most other pork is good around 155-165 internal, I figured that it was the same with pork butts. No wonder I had to chop my meat and it was tough. :icon_blush:

Then I graduated to my BGE and learned a lot through reading their forum. However, nobody ever explained the difference in smoke until I came here. I thought all smoke was created equal, so I would put my meat in the egg right after the smoking wood lit and started billowing that thick white smoke. :eek: No wonder my meat came out a little sooty and off-kilter. Then I learned about sweet blue from this site. :cool:

My first brisket was a complete mess. The second was *meh* but still passable. My parents, my wife and toddler all liked it, and I was halfway pleased, but I'm still searching for the best way to do a brisket.

My ribs get better every time, but the very first time I did any they came out like jerky with too much hickory and salt.

I won't even talk about the time I tried to smoke chicken leg quarters on my old gasser bullet smoker and gave a couple of guests the green apple splats. :eek: Someone on the first page mentioned hitting a bullseye at 10 yards. I wondered why I could never get the heat above 220 - and then I learned here what the water pan was for. :biggrin: And I always thought it was just for added moisture. So much for trial and error. At least those guests quit mooching my food. :tongue:

The best recipe I've gotten to date from my bbq adventures isn't even bbq - it's Thirdeye & his wife's chili verde recipe. :tongue:

[Mr. Bo]

I've made a lot of mistakes cooking my Q over the years on the ECB. Way to many to list here. The biggest and longest lasting mistake was not using thermometers / temp probes to cook with. I just didn't know any better till I found this place. My thanks to all Brethren, past, present and future, for this place to learn to cook better Q.

[BigBarry]

OK, here goes...

I used a square fish basket with the long handle and the sliding ring to hold it together...you know where this is going...

Merrimack fish steak entry was grilling along nicely, I turned it and let it cook for a few minutes.

I lifted the basket up over my head to look underneath it to check the fish, tilted the basket up instead of down...

Yup - fish dropped 6 feet down. Some in the grill, some in the grass.

5 second rule took effect and I salvaged 6 of eight steaks and turned them in.

Overheard some judges walking around. They were looking for the fish entry that had a very different "herbal" note to them. Doh!!

Did 28th out of 29 but one guy gave me 7 8 8 !!!!!

[big brother smoke]

Tried to smoke shrimp with mesquite as my first cook, enuf said!

[Sledneck]

OK, here goes...

I used a square fish basket with the long handle and the sliding ring to hold it together...you know where this is going...

Merrimack fish steak entry was grilling along nicely, I turned it and let it cook for a few minutes.

I lifted the basket up over my head to look underneath it to check the fish, tilted the basket up instead of down...

Yup - fish dropped 6 feet down. Some in the grill, some in the grass.

5 second rule took effect and I salvaged 6 of eight steaks and turned them in.

Overheard some judges walking around. They were looking for the fish entry that had a very different "herbal" note to them. Doh!!

Did 28th out of 29 but one guy gave me 7 8 8 !!!!!

you should of done fishsticks

[Captain Caveman]

We were doing brisket and chicken breast for my cousin's wedding......had a grease fire (didn't clean out the smoker from a previous butt smoke). we ended up having to wash the black soot off of the chicken. We got rave reviews on the chicken, my wife and I just smirked at each other and continued eating our BRISKET.:mrgreen:

[BigBarry]

you should of done fishsticks

Farker!! Did you take pics?

[Sledneck]

Farker!! Did you take pics?
http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showpost.php?p=417221&postcount=6

[BigBarry]

http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showpost.php?p=417221&postcount=6


OMG!!!

Words escape me.

Do cat food fish balls count?

[WalterSC]

so lets put aside the successes... tell us about your best screw up!

Well at our first event we ran out of hickory chuncks for smoking so my new team mate ran out to the local Wally World , he came back with a HUGE smile on his face and says " look what I got Half Price " , well its said HICKORY CHUNCKS in bold lettters on the front of the bag so I used it , turns out it was a wood substitute for one of those out door fire places . I was lucky but in a panic so Myron Mixon whos site was across from our heard the comotion and came over read the bags , dumped them and gave me some of his wood and got rid of what my friend had picked up. Lesson learned gather as much Hickory chuncks as as one can find during the summer months so as to not run out, and yea I take that team mate with me when I go, LOL !!! Myron came by at the public sampling and tried my pulled pork he said and I quote "NOT BAD AT ALL " , that ment alot I even gave him and quart of my sauce and my thanks I told him I owed him one. Nice Guy.

[HoosierTrooper]

Some prettyfunny screwups in these pages. I've never really messed up any 'que. It always comes out pretty much the way I want and have never had any complaints from the people that eat it. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Can't think of a single time. Ever. Honest. I just asked my wife and she agreed, said to tell you guys I'm telling the truth. The woman's a saint and would never lie.

[DaChief]

Oversmoked chicken so much it was not edible!

[bbqbull]

Joining this forum! Joking here, made a very large amount of great friends and met some of the greatest folks on the face of the earth last fall.
Best food forum on the www. bar none. Thank you Brethren Brothers and Sisters.

Biggest blunder other than cooking with white smoke.......Long story but we got that figured out pretty fast by attending a comp one time and asked a chitload of ??????
Another blunder was one of my helpers overloaded ribs with rub. Ya thought we were rubbing a brisket or a pork butt. OMG was it was very well seasoned eats for sure.
Other than that.....another major blunder was I overcooked my briskets last year at the Grand Rapids Competition. My pitbitch overcooked his chicken as well............

[tjus77]

Had a recent fark up a couple of months ago. Got a load of wood that sounded seasoned, but found out it was just not there. It didn't produce smoke that was too bad, but wouldn't stay burning (and you could hear the wood sizzling). Had a fan outside of the pit blowing into the firebox, and the temp would only get to 210 at best even with lump charcoal (guess I was having a drafting problem also).

Finally, just finished in the oven. About three weeks later the wood was perfectly seasoned. Lesson learned, don't wait till the last minute to get wood box filled. Which reminds me, I have just enough for the 4th of July cook... better go get some more!

Worst ever was cooking beer butt chicken (3rd attempt) on gasser on windy day (was in a hurry). I usually fire only one burner up and put the chicken on the other side. I put the burner under the chicken on low because it was so windy. Chicken fell over, resulting grease fire almost ruined the gasser. Chicken was ruined, went to Popeyes. Bought stands the next day.

Kids love to remind me every time I cook chicken.

[rbinms33]

Several incidents come to mind.

South Bend, IN.....lived in apartment so no charcoal smoker allowed, only gas. Middle of winter and I do a couple of shoulders overnight on my bullet smoker. Wake up early next morning, gas ran out. Shoulders frozen solid. Changed tanks, fired it back up, pushed back dinner for a couple of hours. Crisis avoided.

Similar crisis but not as lucky......Memphis, TN.....in the middle of the Bandera "modding" craze a lot of us remember. Implemented gas mod to cook an 8# butt while at airshow. Bandera suffers flameout while at airshow. Get home to semi-cooked butt smelling like propane. "Accidentally" drop butt in dog's wading pool while no one's looking. Make commotion to get everyone's attention and decide there's no way to salvage butt. Order out from local BBQ joint.

And lastly.....load up Bandera with Briskets on bottom and BB's in the middle. Unknowingly shut door and push temp probe into cold BB. Can't get smoke chamber up to temp. Pour on more charcoal. Those poor briskets never had a chance. BB's were still edible. Moral of this incident....look where you poke.

[PimpSmoke]

Been over a year, gotta bring it to life. Don't be shy, not everyone is perfect.

I'll start.

Cardboard box wind break mod, Easter cook, fire and you guess the rest.


My back porch will never be the same.

[genbradly]

First cook with split wood on my offset... Was trying to smoke two chickens. Temps ran ok but there was a ton of smoke. When I opened it up to look in 3 hours later the chickens were damn near solid black with a thick coat of soot. Needless today we had pizza for dinner.

[ON THE FARM]

First smoke ever was 2 hams, 2 chix and some sausage. Just bought a Brinkman off-set.
Needed to add some coals midway through the cook, I didn’t know any better so I used match light, well that’s what I used to start the thing with? So why not just stoke the fire with it.
I tell my 12 year old son that we have to live with the decisions that we make, some good and some bad (using match light = bad).
Lost $60 worth of meat and sold the smoker.

[kitch]

this morning...

well 2 days ago took out 2 slabs of ribs moved them to the fridge.

still rock hard frozen :(

oh well...took them out at 730am...fired up smoker at 735am....put on a wetrub at 740am....left to go to work at 745am...

(nothing trimmed) Lucky I took off the wrappers

going home at noon to see the mess I created...

[kitch]

oh.....

a famous quote in my family!!!!

EXTEND THE COCKTAIL HOUR!!!!!!!!

[barbefunkoramaque]

I left an old site partly because no one there would post anything but mods and how everyone loved their Barbecue.


LMAO I know EXACTLY who he must be talkin' about. LOL Another rule was you could only complain about a product that was sold online as long as they were not a sponsor. So if you got their Printed and Mailed Newsletter, Opened it up and ordered something on it, then maybe it broke and you go bad service, you could not complain on that site. They would tell you they don't allow complaints about product unless it was but a pattern, but if they deleted all negative posts, there would be no pattern. This site you speak of stinks... plus they tend to be a little "Unfunky" if you catch my drift, they sort of frown on afro-centric BBQ.

I think the brethren is a world more tolerant and fun. I have read it for months before I decided to start squawkin..."

NOW my mistakes.... after smoking 16 Pork Shoulders on my Rotessrie smoker that I had just designed, I thought that if I drove gently they would take on the racks. I went one block and they tumbled all into the water. I was mortified!

I am embarrassed to share how collossally stupid that was.

Here is a video of an Armadillo egg I made... It was a such a huge mistake I decided to make a movie of it. My 3 year old is in it. Its funny. It starts getting funny about 2:17 into it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v342OMn4iAM

If yall like I will tell you where I made the mistake.

Also there is another video on my channel that shows how I make mine now.

[crewdawg52]

Small chuck roast a few months ago. Took an unexpected nap in the afternoon. Needless to say, can anyone think large hockey puck? Ended up in the food processor with a little beef broth, mayo, relish, onion, and celery as sammy spread........ Didnt help..... :icon_sick

[Dr_KY]

I shook the UDS on the second run with a full load and along came a nasty *THUD*. ! The bolts were a bit short, the grate slipped and the butt fell into the bottom of the drum.

[Arlin_MacRae]

Partially cleaned the grease out of the 'Dera for a meatloaf cook. Just managed to expose the old, wet grease...

While cutting veggies I looked at the thermometer, which was way over and white smoke was billowing out the chimney.

Opened the door, lost eyebrows, lost fatties, managed to save 9/10 of the meatloaf.

Cool fire tornado.

Remote thermometer unit in pocket screaming "YOUR FOOD IS DONE! YOUR FOOD IS DONE!" :oops:

[PimpSmoke]

At Bash #......chit I can't remember.

Mary's prime starts on fire in the BYC, instinctively I grab the garden sprayer of AJ and shoot the flames. Well, as most of you know atomized AJ and fire do not a combination make.

Flamethrower Mod.

[Pitbull]

No blunders here...Nope not-a-one; never! That is unless buring half your hair and eyebrows off when feeding the firebox counts... Nah. :rolleyes: Nope, can't think of a one...

[toys4dlr]

Well lets see, the first fortay into smoking was on a elctric Brinkman. First meal was smoked Cornish Hens, All tasted like Chit, as I used way too much wood chips.

Most recent, major screw up was at our first comp last year. I had forgot to remove the grease drain cap on the bottom of the Stump's and had 2 briskets, 4 butts on it all night. The stoker was working well, as I slept well.

In the morning I loaded up the bottom two racks with 6 racks of ribs and closed the door. About a hour later noticed the stumps just puffing white smoke that was quickly turning black and all of my meat was in the cooker at the time. A quick look in the cooker reveals a grease fire from the pool of grease on the bottom. Shut Door and closed the valve, I did the Lord don't explode dance with a very big, concerned look on my face.

Luckly, the fire was stuffed and I was able to drain the grease. thank god for insulated gloves.

Funny, but the ribs got 8th and brisket got 10th.

Big learning experience, remember to pull drain and use drip pans in the cooker for long cooks.

[Mark]

I guess that would be smoke drying Habanero peppers. Removed seeds by hand (no gloves) and then went to pee. Hands burnt for days. In an effort to avoid "too much information," I'll leave it at that.

[Desert Dweller]

My biggest blunder (to date that is) actually turned out to be a 1st place success. Not knowing what was doing, I smoked 2 1.5 inch thick London Broils for about 5 hours. The temp was too high, and they ended up tough as hell. Being a cheapskate I wasn't about to throw them away. A friend of mine had mentioned a local chili cookoff...

I have a fairly good recipe for red chili, and I've stewed LB's before for the meat, so I thought, what the hell, give it a try. I made up the red sauce, used lots of Japs, onions and garlic, tossed all that in the crock-pot for 6-8 hours, then diced the meat and tossed that in. Within about an hour, the house smell of smoked meat (a good thing). After about 4 hours the oversmoked, tough and overcooked LB was tender as you could want it, and the smoke flavor was universal through the Chili.

I won First Prize at the Cookoff, and my friend has not invited me back since. (He had won the previous three years in a row.)

Fact, 100% fact!

[mbshop]

mine? tried to smoke a turkey on a just bought ecb. had noooo idea what i was doing. was taking forever. so i took it out and finished it in the oven. now with a little knowledge, the ecb cook was going along just the way it was supposed to.

[MayDay]

This was a few years ago. My BBQ IQ was zilch... Anyways, it was the middle of summer and I wanted to have some Q. Didn't have a grill, but had a fire pit, a grate, an electric rotisserie(!) and lots of dry wood. The chicken was lovingly marinated in lime, garlic and rosemary. I was so pumped I even took pictures! :icon_blush:

Ok, long story made short but things didn't quite turn out as envisioned. The wood fire was hard to control. Being wood, there were flames and the flames would lick the chicken and flare up even more from the grease. How the heck did the pioneers cook with wood?

The fire pit had no cover, so there was a lot of heat lost. Two hours into the cook, a crude wind break was set up using galvanized steel sheets, but it didn't help much. Threw more wood on to get more heat but that just made more flames so the chicken got blacker and blacker.... :shock: :eek:

http://www.dotphoto.com/SAN1/69/75/F8/i6975F87E-3664-453C-B7CD-8E56BB882087.jpg

http://www.dotphoto.com/SAN1/25/BD/B6/i25BDB6FB-D7F4-4E1D-94B9-8EA5D55D3AB5.jpg

Four hours later it was gettting past 8 pm, we were starving and the chicken was now a blackened charry mess (far worse than shown). No thermometer but the meat still wasn't done! Salvaged dinner by pulling off all the black stuff off and microwaving the rest. One of the worst meals ever and wasted a beautiful chicken in the process. :cry:

NEVER MORE! After the burnt chicken fiasco, the fire pit was off limits for anything beyond marshmallows and fast grill foods. That's how the Cobb Grill was justified the next year. That's also why so much effort was poured into restoring a Kamado Claypot, aka Project Humpty (http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showthread.php?t=44688), earlier this year.

Since then, the Q's been getting better and better now, what with hanging out on the forum and learning from all the Brethren. :biggrin:
___________________
MayDay
Kamado Claypot, Cobb

[bowhnter]

mine? tried to smoke a turkey on a just bought ecb. had noooo idea what i was doing. was taking forever. so i took it out and finished it in the oven. now with a little knowledge, the ecb cook was going along just the way it was supposed to.

Mine too, but I wasn't smart enough to put it in the oven. Had that garlic injected Turkey day bird about 9 pm at night. Really impressed the in-laws.
I'm still not sure if it was really done.

[Midnight Smoke]

I have no BBQ Blunders, unless we count over cooked, tasteless food. But I waited until later in life to start doing real Q'. Got a little smarter.

I can add a blunder, it was not done on the grill but in an oven. Years ago, when I really partied to much. I got home early one morning and had the munchies, popped some fish sticks into the oven.

Long story short, woke up 8 hours later to a funky smoky smell, yep cooked them 8 hours at 375º. they were the size of pretzels. Took weeks to get rid of the burnt fish odor. :icon_smil:icon_shock1:

[Harbormaster]

My most recent was to use my pork butt rub as my rib rub at a comp (too much rub at that!).
Made for some nice, black ribs. Tasted great, good tenderness, but judges don't appear to like ribs that look like they have been burnt. (33 out of 39 mod)

[bbqbull]

At Bash #......chit I can't remember.

Mary's prime starts on fire in the BYC, instinctively I grab the garden sprayer of AJ and shoot the flames. Well, as most of you know atomized AJ and fire do not a combination make.

Flamethrower Mod.

Brian that was in 2006 at Parrotheads.

[PimpSmoke]

Brian that was in 2006 at Parrotheads.


Now that you mention it I think Mary caught me before I did it.........but we did it anyway.



Pyro Mod

[blas1099]

One of the first times I cooked brisket in the Dera, had door thermometer accidentally inserted in 2nd brisket after I opened the door to check on them. It would only read like 150, I kept putting more and more wood until I realized what was going on and the actual temp was around 350. The bottom brisket was a little toasty, but was a 13lb fat side down so she was savable. Also had thermo probe fall in water pan and do the exact opposite couldn't get temp down then realized what happened. Still trying to find the best place to keep the probes. Any pics would be appreciated..... Chris

[Pitbull]

I guess that would be smoke drying Habanero peppers. Removed seeds by hand (no gloves) and then went to pee. Hands burnt for days. In an effort to avoid "too much information," I'll leave it at that.


Been there done that (and I know dancing part after a pee) and most likely so has anyone that has made ABT's...:lol:

[Single Fin Smoker]

First brisket: Put it in my old char broil and went to a movie(Apparently, one needs to monitor this cooker external temp alittle closer than that). When I got back it looked like a big black smoking football. I went to cut it, and it turned into a thousand tiny shards. Had a nice deep smoke ring though.

[blues_n_cues]

bump then


:icon_blush:

[Diver]

Cooking a brisket about 3 weeks ago in an Chargriller with the sfb. Around 9pm my son said I should replace my charcoal box. I said no way, we will get another year out of it. 3am I pick up the charcoal box to shake ash and reload...box falls apart, hot coals scatter and yard catches fire. Half asleep, I go for the hose, and it doesn't reach. Go in the house and for the life of me couldn't find a pitcher, bucket or anything but an 8 cup coffee pot. 10 trips and a melted set of sneakers later, the fire was out.

[fweck]

About a year ago was using the Weber poultry roaster to do a beer can chicken on the Weber grill.
http://store.weber.com/img/ecom/product/6408_sm.jpg (http://store.weber.com/Items/Accessories/Charcoal/Detail.aspx?pid=1242)
Chicken was just about done, and I decided I needed to move the gill with the lid hanging on the side (don't remember why, vodka mod), grill started to tip :eek:, did about a 180 swing with it before I got it upright, chicken went flying on to the deck, 5 second rule :shock:, roaster and coals stayed with the grill.
Brought everything into the house and almost tripped on the rug at the door, chicken stayed, grease and juices ended up on the carpet. Wife napping in the bedroom so it never happened:icon_blush:

[bbq ron]

my first smoke on an offset brinkman
smoked with wood blazing fire cause that what i saw on telivision or so i thought they were doin and man was that stuff flatt ass burn't up.
went to the trash and never tried that again.
got back into smokin and bought a lang 60 model after a lot of research on how to do that sort of thing and now i'm still learning but at least i can eat the stuff i smoke.
i guess that a good thing huh.

[Cigarbque]

About 12 years ago before I got my BGE I was smoking a turkey on my gas grill with wood chips. The grill had a glass window and I had all this nice smoke billowing out all around it. Went in the house for a while until I heard someone yell "the grill is on fire"! Looked out back and the grill is engulfed in flames, the glass is gone and the turkey is toast. Melted the siding on the shed.

[Chipper]

Been there done that (and I know dancing part after a pee) and most likely so has anyone that has made ABT's...:lol:


That's called a Chile Willie, for those that didn't know.

[millsy]

Those are some great stories,where is all the pron?I don't recall seeing one picture 113 storys with no pron.didn't happen

[gsmith]

first smoke ever on a brand new brinkman offset about 15 years ago or so

invited a bunch of friends over, bought the best meat I could find, started the smoker with all oak wood, got it going good then choked down the exhaust and the intake to get the good smoke, threw the meat on and produced some of the worst crap ever made

sad part is friends ate it and didn't complain, had nothing to do with booze, but my brother in law swears that the next day when he passed gas smoke came out