Brisket, Butts and a friggin MESS!!!!

[BBQchef33]

Ok.. I'm on a roll for the weekend. Got 2 14lb packer cuts and 2 8 lbs butts. Soaking in the DR P marinade tonight. They're hiutting the BYC tomorrow morning.. I'm in for the long haul.. maybe switching to the WSM after the 8 hour mark to finish up the briskets, but at the beginning I want to go all wood.

Now for the good stuff.. This is a crossover woodpile thread, but I'll move it later.. beware .. colorful language.

I made a big batch of Dr Pepper marinade figuring I'm marinanding 40+ lbs of meat... 2 liters of Dr pepper to start, a quart of franks, cider vinegar, can off beef stock, granulated onion and garlic, tony C's, emptied out the door of the fridge with 3-4 half empty bottles of different BBQ sauces.. and a few bottles of different hot sauces.. Cleaned out that fridge door!!!! COOl!!!! Made a nice gooey marinade...Put all this marinade in a plastic bag, doubled it up and put in the meats, pushed out the air and knotted the bag.. then rolled the stuff around in the bag to get everything nice and coated.. Damn that bag is friggin heavy.. probably klose to 50 Lbs. Using Glad kitchen garbage bags, doubled up(lets not start the food safe plastic debate again). Anyway.. got the bags in the sink, make room in the garage fridge to put the stuff. Pick up the bag and start makin my way to the fridge.. well you guess..


FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!! The Farking bags split open!!!!!! Dont get mad, get Glad MY ASS. !!! They friggin exploded....I'm trying to catch the sh*t before it hits the floor.. its pouring down my farking legs.. ... all over the friggin kitchen floor 2 huge slabs of beef slide across the floor.. the butts bounce and make this sick splat sound.. splashing more sh*t on the cabinets... the farking marinade is running under the farking fridge.. the dam 2 dogs are standing in the marinade, lookin at me....the bird dog is eyeing the pork butts like its friggin pheasent. The sheperd is drinking the sh*t off the floor, im standing there cursing my farkin ass off, holding the bag by the knots and bottom, with this crap dripping between my fingers, totally dumbfounded.. and stamped my foot like a friggin pissed off child and splashed sh*t all over the walls.. My kids dont know wheather they should come help or run for farking cover.... FARK What a FARKIN MESS !!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!

Yeah.... Try moppin that sh*t up.. kitchen floor looked like a bear$hit at a murder scene.. meats got chucked into the sink... sh*t flowed under the fridge.. under the cabinets.. it was like baby$hit in a diaper, no matter where I looked, it was in another crevice somewhere.. .. i gave up with the mop and went for the shop vac.. sucked that crap up.. hosed down the floor with the sink sprayer.. sucked it up again.. moved the fridge.. sucked that up.. son of a bitch.. what a friggin mess.

And while all this was goin on.. whats goin thru my head.. i gotta take a picture of this to post.. I'm sure The Brethren will get a charge out of this crap.. Send kids for digital camera.. battery's dead. If anyone thinks I'd recreate this any time soon.. guess again..

Yup, made another batch of marinade.. but ran out of BBQ sauces.. had to open a new bottle. Everyone is tucked away in the fridge now.

Nice start to the weekend..

[willkat98]

OMG

Thanks brotehr.

I havent laughed that hard in months.

Just got some new cooking for T Day, on Fri, me and the Bro in law are doing a Lone Star Brisket. Something to do with a 6pk Lone star, and disposing the pot after you boil this marinade

I'm intrigued.

[slat]

Sorry about your misfortune, but I must admit I laughed so hard my gut started to hurt. I hope that all that meat is the best you've ever done to make up a little for all the trouble.

[Oldtimer]

Call Colt he should have recent experience with such things. But only if it has a yellow tint.

[Mike(Mi)]

HEY!!!, GUESS WHAT??

I DID HAVE A GOOD DAY AFTERALL!!!

You have my sympathies and rolling on the floor appreciation!

All I have in comparison is a rack of loinbacks and a dozen chicken wings "resting" in the basement fridge. (They were easy to carry!!)

Enjoy your Q, you've earned it.

[BBQchef33]

Yeah... I figured everyone was going to appreciate this.. As Im cleanin up that mess.. all i kept saying is "oh, the guys are gonna love this one".


I'm baaaaaaaacckkkkkkk!!!!!!!

[Solidkick]

Yeah... I figured everyone was going to appreciate this.. As Im cleanin up that mess.. all i kept saying is "oh, the guys are gonna love this one".


I'm baaaaaaaacckkkkkkk!!!!!!!And we do love it. A perfect ending to a hectic day. I'm just sorry it was at your expense, but I really needed the laugh.

[parrothead]

emptied out the door of the fridge with 3-4 half empty bottles of different BBQ sauces..

At least you got to clean out the fridge.

Welcome back to never never land. Or is that Micheal Jackson's quote?

[rbinms33]

Between this post and the one about the pill and the pants stain, I'm laughin so hard I'm cryin'. While I haven't had a garbage bag bust on me before, I have had the pleasure of having a 14# brisket slip out of my hands and back into a cooler full of marinade. It's like doing a cannonball in the pool. Weeks later and you still finds DP marinade spots. And then the wifey, "why didn't you take it outside before you took it out of the cooler?" The last thing I need at that moment is a dose of coulda, woulda, shoulda. I know my mess wasn't as big as yours though....but I feel for ya. I do have a question though......did you stand there, just for a second, and ask yourself, "I didn't just do that, did I? Tell me I didn't just do that?" :shock:

[in2que]

ROFLMAO!!!!

[BBQchef33]

no... first reaaction SH*T! Fark!! PISS!!! Damn!!!! Arms started flailing as I did this friggin dance trying to catch 4 seperate pieces of slimy meat.. trying to catch them mid flight.. and hold the bag together at the same time.... all the time just making more of a mess.. then I just kinda stood there.. totally dumbfounded.. holding the bag in my hands ....drip drip drip drip... thats when "I cant believe that just happened" set in. The kids heard the commotion and came in from the den to see me staing there in a puddle with chunks of flesh all over the floor.. Stopped them dead in their tracks.. they just stood there, mouths open.. lookin at me.. All I can say to them was "SAY NOTHING... Go get the mop." James came back with the Marinade Mop which I didnt think was funny.. (I actually did). Jackie was scrambling for anything.. Chit, she would show up with Q-tip in her panic..

and even better, both dogs were right next to me lookin up with this.. HA HA ass*ole look on there faces......

Newport, the pointer also had Dr Pepper on his head... which I didnt know till about 1AM last night when I was sitting there pettin him...

Wanna here more?? . this morning as I pulled the bag out of the fridge, it got hung up on the shelf bracket and a little hole popped in the bag.. HOLY SH*T.. figgin panic.. goin NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO... this time I had slid a big cutting board to underneath to support the weight.. Ran into the kitchen with the bag pissin little squirts across the floor.

I think Im gonna stick with Burgers.

[Oldtimer]

I think Im gonna stick with Burgers.

When that happens we will all quit drinking aka cold day in hell.

[BBQchef33]

well. been 13 hours.. Still goin butts at 158 briskets are at 153. Pits been pushing 260-270 all day. Seems still got 3-4 hours at least to go. These suckers are taking a LONG time. Been cookin over everything, anything i grab from the pile. White oak, red oak, mulberry, 2 cherries, hickory, maple, pear, apple. Gonna be interesting.


i gotta be on a plane at 2 tomorrow and seems Im gonna be babysitting tonight. Best part of this

BRISKET For BREAKFAST!!!!

[ckkphoto]

Mind if I stop by for breakfast? :wink:

[chad]

I think Im gonna stick with Burgers


Yeah, the day you do that's the day we "Piss on the fire and call in the dogs". Ain't going to happen. :D

Laughed out loud reading your account -- been there and done that (not quite as LARGE a disaster but still a freaking mess!)

[bamasmoker]

That is funny. Sorry too though. That is beeeeeautiful BBQ.

[tommykendall]

My head just cleared up enough that I'm now able to read. Laughed my farking ass off. Dr. Pepper marinage on the farking dog's head - priceless. Incidentally, making room in your refrigerator ia an impossibility - any of you guys look into the garage frig at B2? Ut was total farking carnage.

[tommykendall]

Whoaa - although my head cleared up enough to read Phil's little episode, looks like I was still incapable of typing. Marinage, ia, Ut - DUHHH.

[parrothead]

Caught that one, too. loved the marinated dog's head. Instant Brethren Classic.

[bamasmoker]

I told my wife about it last night and she laughed till she cried. Then I told her aobut the blue pill and it was all over.

[BigAl]

Using Glad kitchen garbage bags, doubled up(lets not start the food safe plastic debate again).

Makes me glad my wife wouldn't let me use garbage bags for food! :P

[tony76248]

Where was the blind dog and the monkey with no arms? Jeeeez!

[tjus77]

Just when you think your luck sure sucks lately, you read a story like that. Man, you can even make up stuff like that. I could see it all in my head as I read it. Feel bad for you... through the chuckles. Look at it this way, next time will be better?

[SmokeInDaEye]

For a minute I thought it happened again! Ahhh, the lessons we learn from Poobah's messes.:biggrin:

[big brother smoke]

he-he :mrgreen:

[Q_Egg]

.......... what a painful experience! I feel so bad! Where are the pics ??
Oh how frustrating and messy and yuk ! Where are the pics ?? I'm lggin' off so I don't get any on me.

[butts]

Talk about "bustin a gut", I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

I can see myself doing tht in my own kitchen with my dogs just loving every minute of it.

[cmcadams]

Gotta love a kid with the wits to get a marinade/bbq mop instead of a floor mop.

[fivelombardis]

man i remember when this happened...it was hilarious!

[Wi-Doe-Maker]

First of all I feel bad that this happened to a brother!!...BUT!!.....this is the first post That I ever called my wife in to read!!!..she said to me from the kitchen.."What the heck are you laughing at??"..while she was reading it tears were rolling down her face as well as mine..absolutely the funniest and most colorful post I've ever read anywhere!!!!!!....LMFAO!!!!!!!!!..Wi-Doe

[swamprb]

I can picture the kids runnin' for cover and the dogs lickin their chops-I've been there!

[Bigmista]

Always nice to revisit a blast from the past!

[Blutch]

First of all I feel bad that this happened to a brother!!...BUT!!.....this is the first post That I ever called my wife in to read!!!..she said to me from the kitchen.."What the heck are you laughing at??"..while she was reading it tears were rolling down her face as well as mine..absolutely the funniest and most colorful post I've ever read anywhere!!!!!!....LMFAO!!!!!!!!!..Wi-Doe

I did the same exact thing. She cracked up.

B

[Single Fin Smoker]

Grand Pooh- I have several observations...First, the kids, the dog, and wife all hold you in the highest regard. Dare I say they appreciate like no other what you go thru to feed them some of the finest Q on the planet.
Second, not withstanding your piss and vinegar at the site of this catastrophy, I wonder how they must have felt(cuz I know exactly what YOU felt).
Tragedy, helplessness, hoplessness, sadness at the site of you in a sea of meat and marinade which you worked so hard to prepare comes to mind.

I would have cried....

All I can say is, thank god I'm not alone in the world when it comes to this kind of scheeize. Cuz thats how I feel when it happens to me. Alone. But we're not brother!!! Schiez happens to all of us!!!!

Your sense of humore will carry you, and the rest of us thru times like these.

Thanks for sharing the story

Fin

[BBQchef33]

Second, not withstanding your piss and vinegar at the site of this catastrophy, I wonder how they must have felt(cuz I know exactly what YOU felt).
Tragedy, helplessness, hoplessness, sadness at the site of you in a sea of meat and marinade which you worked so hard to prepare comes to mind.



FEAR!!! The look on both their faces was FEAR!!! They both came into the room and froze. When James ran into the garage, and came back with mariande mop.. THATS what lightened things up.. but he still did it with FEAR. As he held out the mop, you can see he was ready to RUN!. Jackie just kinda ran in circles with her eyes blinking and hands waving..

Hope everyone realizes, this was 3 years ago... a resurected classic from another thread. The sick think is, that when i replaced my fridge this past summer, the stain was still there, and still some crud way in the back.. James saw it and said... Hey DAD!! Remember that stuff?

[nonthink]

Next time you decide to move 50# of meat and marinade like that, make sure you have video rolling. At least you could win some money on funniest home videos.

Between this, and the Boy Scout flatbed incident, you should have a camera crew follow you around all day.

[JeffW]

I NOW and spit, snot and coffee all over my screen and keyboard !!!!!!!!!

[Divemaster]

Bump


Phil, I read this thread when ever I've had a bad day... Been there done that! Thanks again for posting. (It ALWAYS makes me laugh!)

[scott millman]

My son just came home from school and Im laughin my arse off......im listenin to satellite radio so he figured it was somethin on there, but I had it on mute....hes 11 so didnt quite get it, but he did get a chuckle out of the dogs and said sounds like sis and me when you get mad at the part of what the kids should do.....HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!

[Smokin Gator]

I started reading this an thought, Oh no not again." Then I looked at the date... but it is some funny chit.

[TOPS BBQ]

Wow!:eek: I guess there is a reason behind the madness as to why I put baking sheets underneath my double-wrapped marinated foods.:shock: My wife gets a chuckle when she watches me prep foods. I tell her 'I don't want to find out I have the defective bags in the bunch'.

[Norcoredneck]

Always fun to relive this one. :biggrin:

[Pipin' Pig]

Reminds me of a time I thought I would be creative and do some chocolate bowls like I say on food tv. You take a blown up balloon and dip it in melted chocolate and then sit is aside to harden. Once hardened you pop the balloon and you are left with a nice bowl of chocolate you can fill with ice cream, fruit, etc.

Well as I learned, you don't want to use balloons that are close to their max size and you also want to use chocolate that is just barely melted and not very hot. We were still cleaning chocolate off the walls, cabinets and ceiling 3 years after this incident when we were moving out. :shock:

[smokeandbeer]

Dang, I'm Dive resurrected this. That was the funniest damn thing I have read all week. The people at work keep asking if I am okay, because I'm snorting from laughing so hard, and I just spit apple juice on my computer screen!

Thanks Phil, for giving us a classic to laugh at.

[Bbq Bubba]

Thats funny chit, thanks for bumping it up.
I can't believe nobody gave you any of this though.......

[pat]

they just stood there, mouths open.. lookin at me.. All I can say to them was "SAY NOTHING... Go get the mop." James came back with the Marinade Mop which I didnt think was funny.. (I actually did).

THAT is some funny chit :biggrin::lol:. Thanks for bumping the thread Dive! I was rollin on the floor.

[K I N G P I N]

Probably one of the funniest things I have EVER read in my life.


I love this place.

[Ron_L]

FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!

One of the funniest phrases ever typed!

[Dustaway]

needs to be a sticky

[Bigdog]

One of the funniest phrases ever typed!

I totally agree Ron-0. What is amazing is that Mavis spelled it right...I think...who knows.

[Divemaster]

needs to be a sticky

This and other threads such as 'Uncle Farker' and the famous 'Peanut Thread' can be found in the Woodpile under KCquers Roadmap to The Woodpile (http://www.bbq-brethren.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7819)

I think it should be required reading for all new brothers (and some of us that may have forgotten where we came from...).

[blues brother]

Going to the woodpile tocheck them out!

[Jeff Wohlt]

Damn...been gone a few weeks and come back to read this one. I laughed so hard I about pi$$ed my pants.

Sorry to hear about your mess but damn that was funny....in a sick and sad way but never the less....had me laughing out loud...so loud one of my work mates came by and read it as well and they began to laugh so loud other staff wanted to know what was so funny. Not suppose to be on these sites at work... I damn near had to take him down to protect my privacy. I started thinking about "War of the Worlds" when Tom Cruise had to take the other fellow out because his big mouth. If that is what it takes to maintain my privacy on here...so be it :)

[BobBrisket]

I'm glad this thread got resurrected..........I laughed my arse off!!! I had similar experiences with pickle jars and full Kool Aid pitchers falling outta the fridge and making a mess...........I know what a pain it is to clean that stuff while my wife is watching over my shoulder making sure I get ever nook and cranny. I busted my gut when I read about your son getting the sauce mop...........hilarious.
Thanks for sharing...

[phyx]

Hilarious! Your boy James is an all-star! I would've done the same thing!

As for the mess all over the place, makes me glad I've got 5 gallon food grade buckets with lids.

Not BBQ related, but similar situation--I'm a bagpiper, and because I play a leather bag and not synthetic, I've got to season it every once in a while with this snotty looking liquid. So, I warm it up from its solid state to snotty state, pour it into my bag, cork off all the openings, and blow up the bag so it's nice and tight. I'm shaking it, swirling it, flipping it all over the place to make sure the seasoning gets in all the nooks and crannies when a cork (which happens to be facing the floor from about 4 feet off the ground) pops and to quote the Poobah "FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Chunky, snotty looking stuff all over the kitchen floor, cabinets, walls, fridge, my feet, legs, etc. I looked and sounded like 3am had-too-many-at-the-bar-and-didn't-eat-enough vomit landing all over the place. My reaction was pretty much the same...angry and dumbfounded all at once.

I've learned my lesson since.

[DaChief]

HeHeHe funny as always. I needed this laugh about right now at work...had to shut my door:lol::lol::lol:

[bigabyte]

ROTFLMAO!!! Worst nightmare come true!!!

[JD McGee]

LOFLMFAO!!!:lol::lol::lol: Sorry for your hassles bro...but I couldn't help a good side splitter at your expense.:biggrin:

[Pipin' Pig]

Hilarious! Your boy James is an all-star! I would've done the same thing!

As for the mess all over the place, makes me glad I've got 5 gallon food grade buckets with lids.

Not BBQ related, but similar situation--I'm a bagpiper, and because I play a leather bag and not synthetic, I've got to season it every once in a while with this snotty looking liquid. So, I warm it up from its solid state to snotty state, pour it into my bag, cork off all the openings, and blow up the bag so it's nice and tight. I'm shaking it, swirling it, flipping it all over the place to make sure the seasoning gets in all the nooks and crannies when a cork (which happens to be facing the floor from about 4 feet off the ground) pops and to quote the Poobah "FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Chunky, snotty looking stuff all over the kitchen floor, cabinets, walls, fridge, my feet, legs, etc. I looked and sounded like 3am had-too-many-at-the-bar-and-didn't-eat-enough vomit landing all over the place. My reaction was pretty much the same...angry and dumbfounded all at once.

I've learned my lesson since.

There is the same reason I switched to a synthetic bag long ago. I used to be a purest and would only play sheep skin and cane reeds. That was until my leather blow valve gave out and I got a mouth full of seasoning. That stuff tastes like chit. :icon_smil

I have been very happy with my Shepard bag and Rocket reeds for about 7 years now. :-D

[BBQ_MAFIA]

OMG this the best laugh that I have had in a while.

[BigBarry]

I just re-read it and I still laugh my a$$ off!

I printed it and sent it around the office...they were howling.

Phil has such a terrific way of writing about a potentially frustrating, maddening, embarrassing episode and making us think - hey laugh when these things happen...it's much more healthy.

[Midnight Smoke]

Just read this one, I could actually visualize as I was reading. You just can't make that stuff up. Too funny, I know it wasn’t at the time!

[phyx]

There is the same reason I switched to a synthetic bag long ago. I used to be a purest and would only play sheep skin and cane reeds. That was until my leather blow valve gave out and I got a mouth full of seasoning. That stuff tastes like chit. :icon_smil

I have been very happy with my Shepard bag and Rocket reeds for about 7 years now. :-D

Ewww! :icon_sick I can't imagine how bad that tasted! LMAO

I play an L&M hide bag with cane reeds. For band, I play Ezee drones--I've tried lots of other brands, but Ezees sound the best in my Gibsons.

I can guarantee that if I ever had seasoning blow back into my mouth, I'd go to a synthetic bag in a heartbeat! LMAO

[hd4me]

What an unfortunate start to the weekend. I LMAO!!!!!! I have 2 ten # butts and 20# of ribs going on about 5 am in the morning. I hope it doesn't go this way for me tonight??!
It will all be worth it when that killer meat hits the mouth!!!!!!!!!

[Tarpon65]

After reading this thread I had to go here to clean my computer screen:

clean here (http://emp.ucsd.edu/swf/screenclean.swf)

[Monty]

LMAO... i sure needed that...

chit.. my sides hurt... lol.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[BBQchef33]

fark.... 5 years later, we just re-did the kitchen..

when we ripped out the cabinets.. I found more marinade.. still there.. nice and dry and crusty.. yummo!!

[417bullelk]

What...no pics?

[Norcoredneck]

I opened up and figured the Prom nite was another to remember. Hope all went well.

[keend]

Thanks for bringing this one back up. Both me and the wife laughing so hard our eyes were tearing and we could not get off the floor. What a great way to start the weekend!

[Ron_L]

FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!

Another classic!

[Sir Smoke A Lot]

Wow. That was very funny. I expect you can laugh at it 5 years later! I think what makes it so funny is that we have all had that moment where the results of our stupid decision are literally pouring out around us.

[Smokin Gator]

One of the classics right there boys and girls!!!

[McClung]

I almost felt bad for laughing so hard!

[BBQ Grail]

Ron_L brought this thread up in another thread and I thought I'd bump it here for all to enjoy. Based on the date this would be one of the first "classic" BBQ Brethren threads...

[firecracker jack]

You might find this funny....But I didn't even laugh upon reading this...All I could do is imagine this happening to me....AARGGHH....What a farkin mess!...I truly feel for you bro'...

firecrackerjack

[Ron_L]

You might find this funny....But I didn't even laugh upon reading this...All I could do is imagine this happening to me....AARGGHH....What a farkin mess!...I truly feel for you bro'...

firecrackerjack

I laughed. A lot. Especially with the parts about the dogs.

But, then again, I AM a sick bastidge! :rolleyes:

[igolf2]

"Try moppin that sh*t up.. kitchen floor looked like a bear$hit at a murder scene.. meats got chucked into the sink... sh*t flowed under the fridge.. under the cabinets.. it was like baby$hit in a diaper"



Wife thinks I'm farkin crazy - laughing so hard that the tears are flowing - cleaning the laptop screen from spewed miller beer.

Sorry for your misfortune though - still funny as chit.

[Paulmark]

LMAO...feel for you, had blow outs before but not with food but with pretty gross stuff from water damaged remodels....switched to contractor bags from home depot.

[chickenskinmusic]

ok.. I'm on a roll for the weekend. Got 2 14lb packer cuts and 2 8 lbs butts. Soaking in the dr p marinade tonight. They're hiutting the byc tomorrow morning.. I'm in for the long haul.. Maybe switching to the wsm after the 8 hour mark to finish up the briskets, but at the beginning i want to go all wood.

Now for the good stuff.. This is a crossover woodpile thread, but i'll move it later.. Beware .. Colorful language.

I made a big batch of dr pepper marinade figuring i'm marinanding 40+ lbs of meat... 2 liters of dr pepper to start, a quart of franks, cider vinegar, can off beef stock, granulated onion and garlic, tony c's, emptied out the door of the fridge with 3-4 half empty bottles of different bbq sauces.. And a few bottles of different hot sauces.. Cleaned out that fridge door!!!! Cool!!!! Made a nice gooey marinade...put all this marinade in a plastic bag, doubled it up and put in the meats, pushed out the air and knotted the bag.. Then rolled the stuff around in the bag to get everything nice and coated.. Damn that bag is friggin heavy.. Probably klose to 50 lbs. Using glad kitchen garbage bags, doubled up(lets not start the food safe plastic debate again). Anyway.. Got the bags in the sink, make room in the garage fridge to put the stuff. Pick up the bag and start makin my way to the fridge.. Well you guess..


Farking fwoooossshhhhhhhhh!!! The farking bags split open!!!!!! Dont get mad, get glad my ass. !!! They friggin exploded....i'm trying to catch the sh*t before it hits the floor.. Its pouring down my farking legs.. ... All over the friggin kitchen floor 2 huge slabs of beef slide across the floor.. The butts bounce and make this sick splat sound.. Splashing more sh*t on the cabinets... The farking marinade is running under the farking fridge.. The dam 2 dogs are standing in the marinade, lookin at me....the bird dog is eyeing the pork butts like its friggin pheasent. The sheperd is drinking the sh*t off the floor, im standing there cursing my farkin ass off, holding the bag by the knots and bottom, with this crap dripping between my fingers, totally dumbfounded.. And stamped my foot like a friggin pissed off child and splashed sh*t all over the walls.. My kids dont know wheather they should come help or run for farking cover.... Fark what a farkin mess !!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!

Yeah.... Try moppin that sh*t up.. Kitchen floor looked like a bear$hit at a murder scene.. Meats got chucked into the sink... Sh*t flowed under the fridge.. Under the cabinets.. It was like baby$hit in a diaper, no matter where i looked, it was in another crevice somewhere.. .. I gave up with the mop and went for the shop vac.. Sucked that crap up.. Hosed down the floor with the sink sprayer.. Sucked it up again.. Moved the fridge.. Sucked that up.. Son of a bitch.. What a friggin mess.

And while all this was goin on.. Whats goin thru my head.. I gotta take a picture of this to post.. I'm sure the brethren will get a charge out of this crap.. Send kids for digital camera.. Battery's dead. If anyone thinks i'd recreate this any time soon.. Guess again..

Yup, made another batch of marinade.. But ran out of bbq sauces.. Had to open a new bottle. Everyone is tucked away in the fridge now.

Nice start to the weekend..


roflmfarkingassoff!!

[BBQchef33]

i still laugh at this.. and when we re-did the kitchen last year and tore out the cabinets, there it was........ a marinade stain on the plywood.

[Jaberwabee]

Its one of the funniest things I have ever read on here.

[Rick's Tropical Delight]

you picked them up and tossed them on the smoker, right?

[BBQchef33]

well... yeah, but after a good soak in a new batch of marinade. :)

[fivelombardis]

damn phil...do you realize that was SIX years ago already!

[Kubbie]

What?! Admins get a pass on the -no-pics-didn't-happen rule?? ...Batteries dead...

Although, I'd get an earful from the old lady if I was lookin' for a camera instead of the shop vac...

Nice to resurrect these oldies for us newbies to read for the 1st time.

[BBQ Grail]

What?! Admins get a pass on the -no-pics-didn't-happen rule?? ...Batteries dead...

Although, I'd get an earful from the old lady if I was lookin' for a camera instead of the shop vac...

Nice to resurrect these oldies for us newbies to read for the 1st time.

I don't believe he got a free pass...

Phil doesn't ever get a free pass.

[BBQ Bandit]

I don't believe he got a free pass...

Phil doesn't ever get a free pass.


Was it paid back when he was wearing fuzzy slippers and his wife's houserobe tending the Bandera?

[mrwicks]

and i thought this only happened to me......used a beer based marinade for 50 slabs of ribs......gotta use garbage bags right....no way plastic wrap is gonna work....used the cheap ones and had seasoned beer all over the kitchen for months to come....haven't done a remodel so there may be more still

[Phubar]

"FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!"


I read that first and figured out where this was going!
Sorry man but it was farking funny!

[Crazy Harry]

"FARKING FWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!"


I read that first and figured out where this was going!
Sorry man but it was farking funny!

for you that would be "PHARKING PHWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!"

:biggrin:

[Meat Burner]

That is so funny. Read it a few year ago and LMFAO. Glad to see it resurface. A classic.

[NorthwestBBQ]

Great pics!

[WannaBeBBQueen]

truly a classic!

[Desert Dweller]

I gotta admit I have never created a mess like that in the kitchen. Thanks for enough belly-laughs to make it through January.

[mranum]

Thanks for bringing this back!

[stiffy]

I am sooo glad I read that, funniest mishap (read: sorry man) I have ever read, so glad it got brought back up. I can't even imagine what I would do if that had happened to myself.

[Phubar]

for you that would be "PHARKING PHWOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!"

:biggrin:



.....and pharking phunny!:-D
Gonna have a good laugh by reading this again!

[Bigmista]

I cracked up when he told me that he asked James to bring him a mop and he brought him the little BBQ mop for the meat.

[Rib-O-Lator]

thanks for the laugh. i think that scene rolls through all our heads every time we start to Q. every time i prepare somethin I'm thinkin, can i make it from the sink to the grill without doin what you did. i'v had a few spills but not like that. every time i start my wife says, your not doing that in here, can't blame her, besides using every dish and utensil in the kitchen, and no matter how well i clean up, there is always some goo left somewhere, and like a magnet she'll step in it or grab it and all i can do is just stare at her with this ...WHAT!... i did clean it up look my face. good times.

[cmcadams]

Why isn't this thread a sticky?

[Big George's BBQ]

I laugh every time I read it

[King]

OMG...just read this for the first time. This is the greatest story ever.

I'm going back to read it again. Hilarious!

[BobBrisket]

OMG...just read this for the first time. This is the greatest story ever.

I'm going back to read it again. Hilarious!

It is isn't it???:lol: LOL!! I can almost see Phil's dogs just standing there. One eyeballing the meat and the other enjoying the DP. This is one of the classic threads.

Hey Phil, when ya gonna recreate this for the sake of getting some pics?!:-D

[BBQchef33]

invite me over.. i will do it in YOUR kitchen. Even bring the bags.

:)

[NateOwsley]

I was just about to start marinating some meat and now you've got me second guessing myself.... haha great story.

[aquablue22]

Fark Phil How come you get to have ALL the fun?

[cbagby64]

I laughed out loud reading that. Thanks for the post...too bad about the wasted marinade concoction.

[bigabyte]

It's funny how when I run across an old link like this I laugh til I cry!:pound:

I can sympathize with the accounts of finding DP marinade in every nook and cranny, even days later. I'll share my story (not a hijack, just sharing how I know of this).

Waaaay back when I was much younger, I worked at a 7-11. I worked the graveyard shift. Luckily, there was a bar down the street which many of my friends hung out at and would stop in on their way home and chat for a spell.

Did I mention I was much younger? As in, even more immature than I am now? It's true.

One night one of us (probably me but I don't remember exactly) decided it would be AWESOME to put a 2-liter of Coca-Cola in the microwave and see if it would melt and spill everywhere or explode. We didn't have to ponder it very long before we knew we were going to find out the answer to this mystery.

We figured we would wait two aisles down in case the result was of the explosive variety. Luckily, nobody came in the store, but after the bar crowd goes home, nobody ever came around until the early risers got up and wanted coffee, so I knew it would be quiet.

It took about 15 minutes before it happened. I was betting it was just going to melt if anything after taking that long, either that or just do nothing.

That farker blew the farking microwave door open, spewing boiling hot Coca-Cola over every square inch of the farking store, over tens, no HUNDREDS of thousands of tiny little pieces of merchandise, up every farking wall, on the floors, the cooler doors, the windows, you name it!

Luckily, I had a few hours to clean up, which I did my damnedest to try and do. I got the floors to stop being sticky. I got the walls, cooler doors, windows and registers clean. Getting the merchandise clean??? Well, I did what I could.

Needles to say, the next day when I reported to work for 2nd shift (with 4 people on duty), my coworkers kept finding these "sticky spots", and the floors in a couple spots had become sticky again, even after repeated moppings. It seemed they would only not be sticky for about 20 minutes after mopping. Also, that is when I learned the microwave was "out of order", it wouldn't turn on (I didn't check that)!!!

Also, as I rang people up for the next few days, I would grab their merchandise to ring it up and find little sticky specks on it.

It was so hard to contain my farking laughter during all this for the next few days. I don't know how that incident kept quiet, it was never found out, I was never fired for it like I deserved to be. That store was closed YEARS ago when a QuickTrip moved next door.

OK, hijack off.

Love this thread Phil...I laughed REAL hard.

[Vince B]

I see that this thread started in 11-21-2003, 08:00 PM. This is definite sticky material. I have not laughed so hard in my life. Favorite lines...

Dont get mad, get Glad MY ASS.

the dam 2 dogs are standing in the marinade, lookin at me....the bird dog is eyeing the pork butts like its friggin pheasent. The sheperd is drinking the sh*t off the floor

My kids dont know wheather they should come help or run for farking cover.

And while all this was goin on.. whats goin thru my head.. i gotta take a picture of this to post.

drip drip drip drip... thats when "I cant believe that just happened" set in.

The kids heard the commotion and came in from the den to see me staing there in a puddle with chunks of flesh all over the floor.. Stopped them dead in their tracks.. they just stood there, mouths open.. lookin at me.. All I can say to them was "SAY NOTHING... Go get the mop." James came back with the Marinade Mop which I didnt think was funny.. (I actually did). Jackie was scrambling for anything.. Chit, she would show up with Q-tip in her panic..

and even better, both dogs were right next to me lookin up with this.. HA HA ass*ole look on there faces......


Thank you so much for sharing. I'm watching a ****ty hawks game right now and after reading this I'm in a much better mood. Just have to wipe the tears off of my face. Wheehew way to funny. :clap2:

[Meat Burner]

This is just a wonderful post. My wife and I read this before and it's just as funny again. My sides hurt from visualizing this. Thanks Pooh!!!

[Phesant]

This will bring a smile / laugh no matter what kind of day your having....

Thanx Phil for sharing

[Spode]

Have you looked up at the ceiling yet? Did it survive unscathed? I had a bad week and you have made me forget it, thanks!

[MillerTime]

This thread has become a legend on its own. LOL! Great thread!

[JRamon]

gut busting Funny!!!

[big matt]

So hilarious!!...I even read the whole story for all of my friends..the part about the dogs is great!

[Jay Bird]

Wifey & I cracked up. They say that we laugh at others misfortune. Your sad tale sure proves it. Thanks for making our day!!

[NS Mike D]

stumbled on this gem,

I know I am going to chuckle every time I grab a Dr Pepper for as long as I live

[Custom Midnight Smoker]

stumbled on this gem,

I know I am going to chuckle every time I grab a Dr Pepper for as long as I live

Sooo glad you did stumble :laugh:!

no... first reaaction SH*T! Fark!! PISS!!! Damn!!!! Arms started flailing as I did this friggin dance trying to catch 4 seperate pieces of slimy meat.. trying to catch them mid flight.. and hold the bag together at the same time.... all the time just making more of a mess.. then I just kinda stood there.. totally dumbfounded.. holding the bag in my hands ....drip drip drip drip... thats when "I cant believe that just happened" set in. The kids heard the commotion and came in from the den to see me staing there in a puddle with chunks of flesh all over the floor.. Stopped them dead in their tracks.. they just stood there, mouths open.. lookin at me.. All I can say to them was "SAY NOTHING... Go get the mop." James came back with the Marinade Mop which I didnt think was funny.. (I actually did). Jackie was scrambling for anything.. Chit, she would show up with Q-tip in her panic..

and even better, both dogs were right next to me lookin up with this.. HA HA ass*ole look on there faces......

Newport, the pointer also had Dr Pepper on his head... which I didnt know till about 1AM last night when I was sitting there pettin him...

Wanna here more?? . this morning as I pulled the bag out of the fridge, it got hung up on the shelf bracket and a little hole popped in the bag.. HOLY SH*T.. figgin panic.. goin NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO... this time I had slid a big cutting board to underneath to support the weight.. Ran into the kitchen with the bag pissin little squirts across the floor.

I think Im gonna stick with Burgers.

FEAR!!! The look on both their faces was FEAR!!! They both came into the room and froze. When James ran into the garage, and came back with mariande mop.. THATS what lightened things up.. but he still did it with FEAR. As he held out the mop, you can see he was ready to RUN!. Jackie just kinda ran in circles with her eyes blinking and hands waving..

Hope everyone realizes, this was 3 years ago... a resurected classic from another thread. The sick think is, that when i replaced my fridge this past summer, the stain was still there, and still some crud way in the back.. James saw it and said... Hey DAD!! Remember that stuff?

These are the parts that realy got me goin' :rofl:

[nthole]

It's been nearly two years since this little piece of work has seen the light of day. Seems like it needs a bump for some of the newer folk to revel in. Another thread made me think of it. There are memories, there are classics and there are CLASSICS!

[fingerlickin']

Thanks for the bump. Great story. Still laughing.

[Durzil]

This was epic and hilarious.

[BigM]

Doh .. but lmao

[Grumpy Smiles]

:laugh:
Thanks for bumping this thread. That's freaking funny...... I needed a laugh this morning.

[Bigmista]

One of my favorite stories.

[MStoney72]

Great food comes from good preparation, so that must mean that your food is gonna be legendary.;)

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk

[Wampus]

Still laugh everytime I read that! CLASSIC!



----sorry Phil...:becky:

[markdtn]

That is a good story!

[ThatsWhatSheSaidBBQ]

I love that! Surely everyone has had a similar mishap...

I had the same problem once...except I was outside and I dropped a whole brisket in the fresh cut grass.. ever picked 297 blades of grass off of a brisket with tweezers?